1 January 2010

Dear 2010...

Dear 2010,

Hi, how are you? You're almost 24 hours old and I figured that I should take an opportunity to introduce myself.

But before I do that, I really have to admit something. I didn't really like 2009. It was a tough year. Not only did I have a class of crazies, well a handful of crazies and even more frustrating parents, but I had a difficult year health-wise. In eight months I was in the hospital three times! As much as I love my province's health care system, I really don't want to see a hospital for a long time (except to give birth, but I think that's understood!).

2009 was also a time of waiting. I waited to see a specialist, I waited for surgery, and I waited for my period to come.

And I also continued to wait for my BFP.

So I'm not going to beat around the bush here 2010. I'm tired of waiting. I really want a baby. Like ASAP.

I'm trying not to freak out about turning 35 in a few weeks, but time is of the essence here 2010. I want to be a mama, pronto. And most of all, I want Mr. JB to be a dad. He's waited a long time and he's been so patient. He was such an amazing caretaker while I was recovering from my surgeries and the abscess my posterior cul de sac decided to grow. The poor guy deserves to be a daddy, please don't make him wait much longer.

So 2010, I hope that you're a kinder, gentler year, not just for me, but for all of my blog friends. There are so many of us that have waited to be mothers and frankly, they shouldn't have to wait much longer as well.

I promise to continue to be the best person that I can be. I will also try to focus my energies on things that I enjoy doing, not just feel obligated to do. I also promise to try new things (mainly different yoga classes, I know that it's okay to attend classes of teachers that I know and like, but I should also give new teachers a chance too). I will also try to let go of so much of the anger that I have in my heart. I know that much of it is self-blame, so I need to learn how to forgive myself.

2010, I'm going to try to believe that my infertility is not my fault.

That's my biggest resolution.

And most of all 2010, I'm going to enjoy my life. I have so many blessings: a wonderful husband, a rewarding career, a lovely home, supportive friends (in real life and in the bloggosphere) and a wonderful family. I need to surrender the anger in my heart and I must embrace the good. And most of all, I have to trust God's plan for me. I can't rush my life and I know that motherhood will come when it is meant to be.

2010 I am so excited to meet you. I am so hopeful for the possibilities that I will encounter in this new decade. The first 10 years of the 2000's were pretty crazy! I don't know how you're going to top moving to France, moving back to Canada, becoming a teaching, meeting Mr. JB, buying a house and getting married!

So I'm going to wrap up now. I'm sure that we'll talk soon. I promise to write back soon and don't worry, I'll be in touch before the end of the year!



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  2. Great post! I liked the straight talk! I hope and pray that 2010 is a better year than 2009. God Bless! - Marie

  3. Nice post!! Praying for you in 2010. :)

  4. I KNOW that 2010 is going to be a good year for you. Just recognizing the ressentment/anger is the biggest step! You are on your way to physical and pschyological healing!

  5. great post, here's to 2010 being a GREAT year!

  6. Fabulous letter! Anger and guilt for me are the two hardest emotions to deal with (and both so wrapped up in being infertile). Take care of you, it is not your fault, it is no one's fault.

  7. You're right sweetie, it's NOT your fault. I feel like your turn is right around the corner (and not just because I want your turn to be right around to corner so badly!!!) - I just really think that the surgery removed your major obstacle to pregnancy, and once your body completely heals, BAM!

    Who is your patron Saint for this year, I forget? Start praying to them, it's 2010!

  8. Motherhood will happen . . . keep believing that.

  9. Great post. Happy New year. I hope that 2010 can help to bring the blessings we are all searching for!

  10. I have the same hopes for 2010 and letting go of the anger and distrust will go a long way whether I have a LO or not. Blessings to you in the new year.

  11. Happy New Year! I hope 2010 brings you better things!

  12. I wanted to try new things for 2010 too, I got a Passport to Prana Card http://passporttoprana.com/
    so I can try new classes and teachers all over the city...at least it will give me something to concentrate one. 2010 will be a great year, and the beginning of an amazing decade, better then Paris? maybe!!!

  13. I hope that 2010 is better than 2009. I like the bluntness