I can't believe how much I've slept since yesterday! Although I do love to sleep (I've blogged about that before) I've spent very few hours awake since my surgery yesterday.
It's been hard to get around on my own. Getting up and sitting down requires Mr. JB's help. I almost burst into tears when I tried to get into bed last night! Our bed is quite high and I just couldn't get my legs up. I had to scootch my bottom a few times and then we piled the pillows really high in order to get me down. For someone that's really active and independent it's really hard for me to have to rely on someone else for my mobility.
The only pain I'm feeling right now is the incision under my belly button. The doctor bandaged up my belly button area with a whole bunch of surgical tape in the shape of a star. It's going to be mighty interesting taking that off after my shower! The little incision on the left bikini line is not a bother at all. I had to look in the mirror to see where it even was!
I had so much hope before my lap yesterday and now I'm just incredibly pissed off. Not only was nothing removed, which means that I will have to endure pain for a few more months. I also had no idea how bad the damage was inside! I've had every test possible: MRI's, CAT Scans, internal ultrasounds, external ultrasounds, HSG, Saline Sonohysterograms and none of my problems were even suspected (but my accessory spleen that's attached to one of my kidneys was discovered)! I'm also angry that over 17 years of complaining that none of my doctors suspected a thing! I had two ovarian cysts that sent me to hospital in an ambulance and all of my symptoms, the pain and the irregular bleeding was just brushed off.
So here I am, 34 years old, with stage 4 endo, adhesions, cysts and fibroids. All I've ever wanted in my life is to have a baby and now because of the lack of initiative from my doctors I don't know if that dream is possible.
I asked the doctor yesterday what our chances of having a baby were after the second surgery he didn't even want to guess. He said that his first priority was getting me healthy since I've dealt with so much pain for so many years.
I don't know girls. Not only do I need your prayers at this point, but I need hope. I'm in mourning right now.
Honestly Lord, I don't know how much more that I can take.
p.s. I apologize for not commenting on all of your blogs. Sitting up takes a lot of energy and it's really hard to type sideways while lying down. I am keeping up on the reading though!