I thought that my horoscope was the indication of better things today:
Aquarius: Delays in achieving dreams inevitably brings frustration. Like a dog chasing its tail, what we want always seems to be just beyond our reach. Stay in pursuit. Be consistently determined. A happy conclusion is nearer than you think.
I've read many positive horoscopes in the past almost-four years of TTC. Every month around day 28 I've felt the hopefulness that perhaps I would get my BFP that month. Even the past three months on the evil C.lomid when I made it to CD 32 and I saw the smile of my hopeful Napro doctor, I felt that hope.
Today I just feel like an elephant is on my chest. I'm sure it has to do with being a hermit in my own house. I've only been out twice since last Tuesday, and really I'm a little scared about joining the real world again. Mr. JB goes back to work tomorrow and officially I go back to school on Thursday. Physically I'm feeling better, but mentally not so much.
When I lived alone I forced myself to go outside everyday. I would make myself interact with people because I knew the perils of becoming too insular. I've dealt with clinical depression, I've dealt with anxiety issues, I knew what I had to do to avoid it. In the past six days I've indulged myself. I've slept way too much, although I'm sure part of it is the healing process. My appetite isn't as voracious as it usually is, but I've been pretty stationary. I'm also still in mourning.
So today I'm going to force myself to be a functioning member of society. I'm going to start with getting my eyebrows done -- I had no idea how overgrown they looked until getting ready for mass yesterday! Eeek! I don't know where else we're going to go, but it'll have to be somewhere before I lose my mind.
I'm definitely in need of a hobby. Beth has suggested knitting, and I think it's a fine idea! I have a girlfriend on maternity leave right now who has offered to teach me (she's also been stockpiling the wool for me to fool around with). Perhaps a phone call is in order...
Knitting sounds like a really good idea. It keeps your hands busy and your mind focused!!
ReplyDeleteYes, getting out and having something to focus on is just what might help you to feel better.
ReplyDeleteAre you going to be taking all of the days off that you originally planned, or will you be going back earlier?
I hope you can find a way to enjoy the down time ... maybe pamper yourself somehow this week.
Yay for getting your eyebrows done! Am I the only that actually looks forward to this? I hope not!It's just a little thing to do, but makes such a difference!!
(at least on me!!)
You are so lucky you have eyebrows you can wax! What I would give! It would be my dream! ;)
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are so down! Call me whenever you want! I am always in the mood! :)
I wish I could knit! I think it would be fun! :) I would love to knit some sweaters! Have you seen them, so stylish, so cute! :)
I love knitting! For some reason I keep forgetting about it, and I'm mostly practicing now before settling down and finally making something.
ReplyDeleteI found something cool we can do together in your end of town on April 15 (wed). will email you.
If you learn to knit, you can teach me!
ReplyDeleteMy eyebrows are HORRIBLE. I hope you feel a bit better after getting yours done and getting out in the world.