Anxiety & Castor Oil -- What a mix!

My last day of my surgery "vacation" didn't start very well. I had an anxiety attack when I woke up -- my heart was racing and I couldn't calm myself down. I was so overwhelmed at the thought of the mess in my ladyparts AND I was anxious about going to work tomorrow. Luckily, Mr. JB hadn't started teaching for the day so I phoned him and he talked me down.

Have I mentioned lately how great my husband is?

After crying it out I finally got up and had some breakfast and I started to feel better. I was even pretty productive -- I had to cancel some credit cards (which we had to apply for when we got our bedroom and kitchen furniture and are both completely paid off, yay!) and then change my only personal credit card to an A.ir Miles one. All of our money is in a big communal pot and the two credit cards that we use on a regular basis are both joint. The card that I had to change today is the only independent card that I have from my hubby. The only thing that I charge to that card is purchases from I.t.unes, but still it's all mine.

I really hate talking to strangers on the phone. If I can help it I really don't answer the phone at home. I have call display on both my home and cell phones. I'm a pretty social girl, but there's something about dealing with customer service people that bothers me. I wasn't like this before I got married, but now that I have someone to depend on to do stuff I don't like, I take advantage!

I also spoke to my Creighton practitioner on the phone and I'm so glad that I did! I posted yesterday about whether or not I should continue charting despite my obvious infertility. L said that I definitely should. She also mentioned (as did This Cross I Embrace) that I contact the nurses at Pope Paul VI with my Lupron question. She said that it isn't usually the protocol for Napro doctors to use Lupron and that she thought that it was important to get all the information possible before I see the surgeon again. I spoke to a very nice lady in Omaha today and we figured out that the best course of action is to e-mail my Lupron question to the nurse. L's advice totally empowered me, and although I'm pretty much resigned to taking the "evil" drug, at least I will know all of my options.

I also went to see my naturopath this afternoon to discuss my dire diagnosis. She had A LOT of advice and sympathy for me. She's a great lady and I always feel like she is so present and interested in what I'm telling her. One thing that she thinks that will help is an anti-inflammatory diet. It's not unlike the endo diet, but the focus is definitely on getting my insides less angry. It's definitely going to be tough and it will take some adjusting too (especially since it's my hubby that's the cook in the house!), but I'm ready to do anything to help my symptoms.

My naturopath also wants me to do a liver detox from now until after the surgery. All I have to do is take three different kinds of drops (that aren't too costly, thank God!). I also have to continue with taking my adrenal support, garlic supplement, acidophilis and digestive enzymes. The biggest thing that she wants me to do is a castor oil pack. Basically I have to put castor oil on a tea towel and then put my heating pad on top of it. She wants me to fall asleep with it on my belly every night until my surgery. Castor oil packs are supposed to help with breaking down scar tissue (including the scars from my lap!) as well as the adhesions on the inside. At this point I'm ready to try anything, and really I usually fall asleep with my heating pad on my belly every night anyway.

My girlfriend B and her son M came over to drop off my new yoga mat, bag and yoga towel. Our friend S moved to the Ann Arbour, MI a year ago and she lets us Canuck girls send our US internet purchases to her so we save on the duty and shipping costs. I'm finally the owner of the C.adillac of all yoga mats: the M.anduka. I can't wait until I feel better so I can break it in! The best part of getting the new yoga stuff is that it was all birthday money from my father-in-law and Mr. JB's winnings at the track (yes, it's an agreement that we have. He bets on horses if I get 50% of the winnings. It's our money after all!).

So tomorrow's the big day. I ran all of my errands today without having to take a five hour nap, but I did take a little 40 minute one at 5:30pm. I plan to get to bed super early, so I will be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the kiddies. I'm going to have to do some major explaining!!!

I'm sure that a big part of my anxiety was not being around people and being out of my routine. I thrive on having my day ruled by the clock. I know, it's sick. It'll also be great to have the distraction of 20 6 year olds. Ask me again tomorrow at the end of the day if I feel the same way!

Thank you all for all of your support, prayers, e-mails and phone calls. I honestly don't know what I would've done without all of you. I know that I've been struggling with what God has planned for my family, but in His wisdom He did bring all of you into my life! Hah, one good thing that this IF struggle has brought me!