25 April 2010

Now where did that come from???

So I went to a gold party at a colleagues house. For those of you not in the know, ladies will come to your house and buy your gold jewelry from you! Another woman on my staff had a party and made a TON of cash for herself, so another colleague decided to throw another one (one woman got $600 for a few bits!).

Anyhow, I mentioned to my crazy mother that I was going to this party and if she had anything for me to sell for her. I had a few things (because any gold jewelry that I ever had or received from my mother was quickly taken back for "safe keeping") in my own jewelry box, but I did have some pieces that I could get rid of. My mother gave me this ring she had made for my dad, one earring and a bracelet. Turns out the bracelet wasn't real and the ring didn't have real diamonds in it.

So while I was leaving the party I called my mother to tell her that I had gotten $90 for her two items and I said, "Well since you owe me money for those bills that I paid for you while you were away, I can just keep the money and you can give me the difference later."

Then she said, "Well what about all of the money that you owe me?"

And I didn't know how to respond.

Last I checked I'm not in debt to my parents. I've been working as a teacher for almost nine years and I've been on my own ever since. My parents did pay for my university education and they did pay for the bulk of our wedding, but we were never, ever told that we had to repay them. Her comment totally caught me off guard and I called Mr. JB right away to tell him. He got quite upset since he doesn't want to be secretly in debt to anyone.

Now, my mother is crazy and I honestly don't know why she says a lot of what she says, but I do know that my father never, ever expected for me to repay them for my education or our wedding expenses. When we went out for dinner last week my dad wouldn't even let us pay! I offered, but my aunt said that he had taken care of it. I'm not about to argue with my father in a public place about settling a cheque!

So now I'm all upset and confused.

My mother does have a history of being completely irrational and she often says hurtful things. She's completely oblivious to our IF and she announces pregnancies to me like there's nothing hurtful about it. We've also had a history of having a very difficult relationship, but money has never entered the picture.

My parents lead a very frugal life, which is completely unnecessary. They've been mortgage-free for years and they both have well-paying jobs. They want for nothing and I know that they have a very, very healthy retirement fund. Why my mother would be mentioning my debt to them, I have no idea!

Now, if I knew what the debt was when it was incurred, I would've paid them back. I do earn a good wage and we are capable of paying them back, but can she really mention paying back my university education when I graduated TEN YEARS AGO? Can she really collect on my wedding expenses from FIVE YEARS AGO?

I shouldn't let her get to me, but she is the one person on this planet that can push all of my buttons all at once. I've wished that we could have a better relationship, but she can be so needlessly mean to me! I knew that she was really pushing it today when Mr. JB got angry. He's very patient with her, but playing dirty like she is, makes it very hard for him to be sympathetic.

I don't know girls. I'm so tired of being angry with her. I'm even a bit upset with myself for being so angry. What I do know is that I'm going to her house tomorrow with her $90 since it seems like it's so important to her.



  1. O gosh, I don't even know what to say to this. While it doesn't sound like my parents, it does remind me of something my in-laws would say. It's just weird.

    I'm sorry there is an animosity between you two. I am certain that she loves you, and you love her... sometimes personalities just clash. I'll pray for your relationship, I know how important it is to you.

  2. Wow! So sorry your mom is being so difficult. That really stinks. Sometimes people just don't think or understand that what they say will have a huge impact on others. Keep your chin up.

  3. I used to find that my Mom would say hurtful things that I would stew about for days and she just never even realized she hurt my feelings. Sorry you are having to deal with that.

  4. I can relate to LIM- my parents will say things that are hurtful and not even clue in.. or in a few days they dont even bring it back up!! Your a great daughter by the sounds of it- bringing her the money is so Christian of you!
    I pray you have some peace, and let go of the anger :)

  5. Sorry about the drama with your mother. I'll be praying for you and for her.

  6. oh hun, I so so hear you on the high maintenance manipulative mother, it's hell isn't it?
    For my mother she would probably be referncing the food I ate as a child (I moved out when I was 17 and paid for everything ever since that so no other "secret debt").

  7. I can't imagine my mother saying anything like that to me. I'm so sorry.

    What bills did you pay? Was it just a convenience thing or was she unable to pay them? Or is that rude to ask? I just wasn't sure.

  8. Ann,

    My parents were away for an extended vacation and she did leave me some money to cover the bills, but she didn't realize that her gas bill was going to be really high. I also didn't know that she had paid her phone bill, so I paid for it, even though she already had. She left me with $300, but the bills were $530. Not a big deal for us to cover the $230, but I assumed that she would pay me back since my parents can afford it!

  9. Ugh, why is it that our moms can get to us like no other?

    Is it possible that your mom was hurt that she owed you money, and so she "retaliated" in a hurtful way?

  10. I can totally relate, I have always had misunderstandings with both of my parents and it usually ends up with me yelling at them to get my point across..they are so closed minded! I think you have every right to voice your concern on the fact that your mom said something so absurd like that....our parents will always see us as "kids" even when we are 60 years old! we need to talk to them as adults even though they behave as kids sometimes or most of the time! Good luck and if it makes you feel any better i'm going through the same crap with my mom.

  11. Ouch. That is truly hurtful. Just speculating, but is she the type of woman that really never was into being a mom? Did she resent having to spend money to raise you? Perhaps she secretly simmers over that? Sick and twisted, for sure, no matter what her reasons. I will pray for her!

  12. Leila,

    You hit the nail on the head! My mother became a mom because it was expected of her, not because she was called to do it. She was never very affectionate and she's always been jealous of my relationship with my dad (I feel like the other woman, she won't even let me talk to him unless she screens the call). She over-mothers to deal with her guilt, but I've never been a needy child. My dad was always very generous and still is, but she's not exactly a cheapskate. I have no idea where this recent outburst is from.

  13. Sorry - I don't know what to say. It sounds like there is something below the surface that is coming out sideways now. Can you ask your dad what this is all about or would he be upset that you brought it up?

  14. Oh honey, I'm sorry that this relstionship can be si hurtful. I pray that it gets better!

  15. Oh man, JB. I hear you on this one. If anyone can push our buttons, it's our moms! I've actually read books on mother/daughter relationships over the years trying to figure all of this out! And my mom and I are pretty close! It's such a delicate relationship and when you have a mom who can be irrational (which I can relate to!) it can cause a lot of hurt feelings. I hope this blows over/clears up soon and you can let it go. But I totally understand where you're at and will pray for you :)

  16. Why not ask your father to clear it up? No way you owe her for your wedding or tuition (most parents pay those things!), and if you get him to say so (in front of her, of course), then that settles it, and you can ignore this if she says it again just as if she said you owed her hourly wages with hazard pay (plus late fees and interest) for being in labor with you. My mom is nutty also, and while I have generally learned to ignore her provocative comments, if I really can't take it, I just don't call her. Of course she can call me - but she never does. I just don't see entertaining nasty comments as quality time (for them or for you) or fulfilling any obligation of filial piety, so if the parent in question is being rotten, whether deliberately or callously, then I think it's appropriate to wait to spend time with them until they can behave.

  17. I'm sorry you have to deal with this....It hurts!