New Attitude

I got my hair cut REALLY short yesterday. For those of you that have met me IRL I had quite long hair up until last July. It has gotten progressively shorter with every passing hair cut and yesterday I gave my hair dresser carte blanche. He was so excited to give me this hair cut! Apparently the night before he watched A.eon F.lux and the character that Cha.rlize The.ron played had a very similar hair style. He also told me that when he first met me three years ago that he wanted to give me a similar cut but I wasn't ready. It will be interesting to see how a short hair style and a Canadian winter will mix, but I have a vast scarf collection to protect my neck!

So I was flying solo this weekend. Mr. JB was visiting his brother in M.ontreal with his best friend. We've had quite a busy fall so I was looking forward to having some time to myself. I'm so glad that we had good news this past week because I didn't want to spend my weekend alone being all sad and mopey.

Friday night I went to our parish to play trivia. We have a local food bank/outreach centre that our parish supports and one of the fundraising things we do is have a monthly trivia match. Our pastor is usually on my team but he joined the game late so I was on the same team as our associate pastor. We had a great time and came in second. I was so flattered that Fr. S said that he was sad that I didn't play with him! Mr. JB was so proud that I knew what age G.ordie H.owe retired at 52. Good thing that I pay attention to hockey trivia around our house!

I ended up sleeping in Saturday morning. It was almost 10am when I got up! I guess I needed the sleep 'cos I slept like the dead. I'm trying really hard not to get sick before Christmas. After my trip to the salon I went grocery shopping at my favourite organic grocery store. I spent so much money on so few items, but none of it is going to waste. I made a yummy stew in our crock pot (with organic beef) and a delicious fennel and beet salad. After grocery shopping I checked out my favourite craft show in the city. I had a great time looking around and buying a few Christmas presents. I was really good and I only bought two hair clips for myself. I figure with a new hair style that I deserved something cute!

I don't know if I'm giving off positive energy, but a whole bunch of cool things have happened to me since Thursday. When I parked my car near the salon yesterday I went to pay for my spot and a lady gave me her ticket that hadn't expired yet. I didn't have to pay anything to park! Then as I walked to the salon I stopped to look at some sweaters outside a little shop and a guy walking by said that the sweater I was looking at would look good on me (he wasn't being creepy or flirty, he was just being nice). Then at the salon I got a whole bunch of compliments for this funny pickle pin (FJIEJ I got it at the H.einz store in G.rove C.ity!) that I wear on my down vest. I've also noticed that everyone around me is being so nice to me!

For the first time since my first surgery in April I finally feel like I have my mojo back. I have energy to do things around my house again. I made dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, did all of the laundry AND hand washing all by myself! It isn't something that I would've thought a big deal, but I haven't had the gumption to do much in so long. There are still quite a few projects that I have to tackle around the house, but I can actually picture myself completing in the near future. I'm glad that my energy is returning at such busy time. Next weekend marks the start of the official Christmas visiting season for us. We have a big family Christmas party with Mr. JB's family next Saturday and my in-laws and BIL will be staying with us. I have to get the guest room livable before they get here.

I think that it's fitting that today is the start of Advent. I feel hopeful for the first time in a very long time. I also have so much to be thankful for. I have spent so many months feeling sick and sad. I know now that my negative attitude was contributing to an already bad situation. I have no idea how long I can keep feeling positive. I'm trying to imagine that if I do get a BFN at the end of this cycle that I would be okay. I'd also like to imagine that next weekend when faced with a room full of babies, kids and a pregnant woman that I will be okay.

We finally have a fighting chance to get pg. It's like starting over. I have to stop worrying about being four years older than I was when we started. We were put on this journey for a reason. Perhaps if we had kids right away that our marriage wouldn't be as solid as it is today. I also know that we would've had a lot more money issues if I had gotten pg right after we got married.
We wouldn't have gone on all of the trips that we've gone on. I probably wouldn't get teaching grade one if we had kids right away.

I never thought that I would say this but a big part of me is thankful for my infertility. I don't know if we will have our own biological children, but I know now that I'm healthy. I no longer have endometriosis causing horrible cramps and strange bleeding. I also have a wonderful team of doctors that are finally taking proper care of me. And most of all, I have met all of you. Two years ago when I started this blog I felt so alone, but now I have a whole sisterhood of women that I can turn to for support. And for all of you I will be forever grateful.