12 July 2010

Dilemma *** Updated

I know that I posted about the scandalous wedding that is happening in Mr. JB's family, but I've been stressing out about the bridal shower that is happening this Sunday.

I still haven't RSVP'ed and I know that I was so incensed when I got the invitation, but now I'm feeling the pressure of family politics. A BIG part of me doesn't care, but another part of me knows that my presence will be commented on (despite the fact that it is our anniversary weekend and we usually go away).

Mr. JB and I still haven't made plans. The only thing that I have to do this weekend is a hair appointment (and sleep, but that's besides the point). I know that I shouldn't have left it until past the RSVP due date (it was the 8th, but we were out of town).

I asked Mr. JB to call his aunt and give her my response, but I still haven't decided. I know that I will not be going to the baby shower (since I don't do baby showers anymore). What do I do?



My commute went swimmingly well. I made it to the station just in time for an express train to the city and I had no problem with the subway. I did so well with time that I made it to my temporary workplace 45 minutes early! I'm definitely taking a later train tomorrow!

The craziest thing was that as I was approaching the building I noticed a whole bunch of police officers and an orange tarp covering what seemed to be a body. My only guess, judging from the caution tape, was that someone jumped from one of the balconies above. Pretty scary.

I used to think that I could live in the big city, but after that spectacle this morning, I think not!


Update: So I finally had the gumption to call Mr. JB's aunt about the shower. And yes, I told her that I wouldn't be able to go. I hope that the Lord forgives my white lies, but I didn't feel comfortable telling her that I morally opposed the celebration (that would've caused a CRAZY family scandal!).

So Mr. JB now has to plan something for this weekend. I've never let him make plans for us and I'm a little nervous! I'm sure that he won't disappoint, he did surprise me with his marriage proposal!

[insert sigh of relief here]


  1. I don't think you have to go. It is your anniversary weekend and you can easily say that you will be out of town. What does Mr. JB think?

    Life in the big city can be interesting. I wonder if that story will make the news?

  2. I would book non-refundable travel something-or-other first, and RSVP with regrets second...and send a gift card to someplace innocuous like BBB.

    (I had a dilemma a few years back when my standard bridal shower gift - scandalous lingerie - suddenly was very inappropriate for the already-expectant bride. I think I got her picture frames and candles...but I felt sorrier for her than anything. She regretted what she had done, but her family about had a dozen heart attacks, daily, until she was married.)

  3. I certainly would not go, especially on your anniversary weekend! And, maybe I'm not up on the etiquette, but if you haven't rsvp'ed, it's not like you have to call them up and give an excuse if they haven't asked for one, right?
    I'm with the misfit - just send a gift or card and leave it at that...

  4. I am in a similar situation... and the WEDDING is in less than 3 weeks!! The bridal shower was on July 3rd. As it turned out, the shower was planned at the last minute and I'd already made plans for a special date with my husband that afternoon/evening. This was somewhat of a Godsend because I must admit I was tossing and turning over this one. The family member is very close to me, but he knows that I don't approve of the situation. The rest of my family also knows.

    I decided to go to the shower a couple of hours before it began and help my mother finish setting up. When the bride-to-be arrived, I gave her a hug... an AMAZING moment! She hugged me SO hard and I realized how much I really do care for her. She is such a beautiful soul! I just can't approve of where things are at right now. There may be a wedding ceremony, but (sadly) there will be no Sacrament.

    While I didn't congratulate her, I did leave her a simple card and gift... to let her know that I am thinking of her. The card was a blank notecard with a tiny bear on the front, holding a bouquet of flowers. Inside I wrote, "As you prepare for your wedding day, know that you will be close in thought and prayer. All my love..." The gift was a simple, white rose (blessed with holy water, of course). : )

    I know in my heart that I can't attend their wedding...

    I wish I could help you in some way. May God grant you STRENGTH and PEACE! Please know that I will be praying for you... Please pray for me.

  5. ditto misfit and callmemama.

    i wouldn't go either... and the fact that it's your anniversary weekend just further reiterates not going.

    just send a note of "sorry we missed it, out celebrating our anniversary" with a gift :)

  6. I think Keep Calm and Carry On, Misfit, and Call Me Mama all have great suggestions. It's your anniversary; take a trip and send a gift.

  7. If you are still having this many reservations about going...don't go! From my past experiences, when I've felt this many reservations about going somewhere and I DID go, it didn't turn out well. Trust your gut and trust yourself...you know what's best for you.

  8. I agree with the others... You have the PERFECT excuse. Anniversary weekend trumps scandalous shower! :)

  9. I wouldn't go. we avoid celebrations for any type of scandal, this shower is celebrating that isn't good. Therefore I wouldnt' go. We had this for my cousin that the family threw a baby shower for, thing was she was unmarried in collage and we simply told them we werent' attending. After this happening a couple of times for different situations, we are no longer even asked, they know that if scandal is attached we wont' attend.

  10. Don't torture yourself with going - and ditto The Misfit's idea to plan a trip first!

    What a crazy morning for you. The name of one of the streets/stops in your city always makes me smile (starts with Spa) - I don't know why, I just love the sound of it. My favorite Vietnamese restaurant is also on that same street.

  11. Enjoy your anniversary and don't give it a second thought!!!

    I second Barbie's comment!!!

  12. Thankful: I know which subway stop that you're talking about! So funny! I'm not very close to that street, but I've spent many a night eating in restaurants along it!

  13. You definatly don't have to go, It's lucky it landed on your anniversary weekend, so no one can get too upset over it! I hope the MR picks out someplace great for you! :)