9 June 2010

Lord, Why Do You Test Me So???

I'm breaking my "I should be working on report cards" fast to rant.

I feel like I'm going to loose my mind. Actually, I'm much calmer than I was when I got the news. I spent some time lying down in our bedroom while playing with my i.Phone and then I finished my math marks for my report cards before I even dared log into my blog.

So Mr. JB has a cousin that is engaged. We were pretty excited because his cousin and his fiancee bought a house in our neighbourhood. They're great people and we love hanging out with them. They are living together (I know I shouldn't judge, but I am), but they didn't move in together "officially" until he gave her a ring (Mr. JB's cousin lived with his fiancee before they bought their house, but it was on the Q-T).

Anyhow, Mr. JB's cousin called him tonight to ask him to stand up for him and that the wedding is going to be in August, not June 2011 as planned.

You guessed it.

His fiancee is pregnant.

[insert A LOT of swearing here]


Apparently following the rules doesn't help one get knocked up.

Sucks to be me.

Mr. JB apologized for giving me the bad news (I know, a new life isn't bad news, but you all understand, right?). Mr. JB also said that he said a prayer for me since he knew how I was going to react.

I can't help but feel that God is playing a bad joke on me. It's hard not to think that I'm being punished.

All I do know is that I'm angry. Pissed, in fact.

When is it going to be my turn???

Hopefully watching last night's episode of G.lee is going to cheer me up!


  1. Sigh. I could say other things, but they involve many four letter words.

  2. I'm so sorry. I don't have any thing else to say other than that sucks.

  3. I am so sorry but Glee should make you feel better! It always works for me!!

  4. I am so sorry!

    I remember crying in the bathtub just so angry when I found my sil who was unmarried and just hooked up with her first boyfriend got pregnant!!! IT TOOK ME (MAYBE NOT EVEN YET) A LONG TIME TO UNDERSTANT IT!!! The baby is now almost two, how sad is that. I love the little boy and can't imagine him not in our family, but at the time, I was a pitiful mess and so hard hearted, so you just take your time and nurture yourself right now. Get a big glass of wine and enjoy :)
    I wish I had a way to console you, but I am praying for you right now!

  5. He is NOT punishing you, just as He is not rewarding others for pre-marital sex. But I know how badly it still hurts. Just remember God loves you and has not abandoned you. Now do something to pamper yourself!

  6. OK – just to try and make you smile (or cry – it’s your choice), we got a call a few years ago that (relative) was pregnant. Now, in her defense, she was married to Guy A. Unfortunately, she was pregnant with Guy B’s baby. We refer to this episode as the “dark ages” because I didn’t come out of my room to see the light of day for quite some time.

    In all seriousness, I KNOW how badly you hurt right now. Always remember that God isn’t blessing bad actions with babies. Just because a life is created doesn’t mean that God approves of the actions which led to the conception (and those actions came from the parents). It just proves that He can make something beautiful out of an ugly situation.

    He will do the same for us, friend.

  7. I am so very sorry. I know it feels like such a slap in the face but AYWH and Building A Nest is right--God is not punishing you nor is He approving of immoral actions. But I know you already know this. It's just so hard sometimes to not feel like things are messed up and unfair. Even though it is hard to understand right now, the Lord has His perfect plan for you.
    Hugs and prayers.

  8. I think about that on occasion, about how I followed all the rules and it hasn't seemed to get me anywhere in the baby department. I know I shouldn't be bitter, but at times I am. I need to let it go.

  9. I'm so sorry JB! I can totally relate to what you are feeling. Cry it out and then watch Glee...you'll feel better after that! :)

  10. I'm so sorry! I wish I had something more to say, but being late to posting, everyone steals my lines!

    I thought I was being punished for not following the rules, then when we were following the rules, nothing happend! So you never know.
    Go watch Glee. that will make you smile! :)

  11. I am so very sorry. It just sucks and there is no way around it. But God's not done creating new life.... Just you wait.

  12. aaarrrrgghhhh! so frustrating! i totally feel you frustration and pain girlfriend! you need to set up a romantic dinner date with your hubby to just "temporarily" forget about this disgusting news. I would. and finish off the meal with some much needed DESSERT! better yet make that a chocolate dessert.

  13. ummmmmmmmmm, I'm not sure if this particular episode of glee will make you feel better :(
    Its a good episode though.
    So sorry, this all seems so unfair!!

  14. Ugh. I totally feel you here. A girl I used to work with got pregnant and is not married (and just moved in with her boyfriend - who knows if there's a wedding planned, she's been married before and only 27). Way worse that it was your CIL!
    I have a really hard time for some reason with the women who don't follow the rules and still get to have kids. NOT FAIR.
    Obviously, children don't just come to married people, otherwise every couple would have more than the standard 2.5 kids...

  15. As much as this stinks..we need to remember that we live in a fertile world...where it is easier to get pregers than not. It's a fact. As IF girls...we just need to stick together and know we are not alone and God isn't punishing us. I would be upset too...myself. THe pain of IF is real. I like what Ann said...God is making something beautiful (baby) out of an ugly situation. Hopefully, happy couple will see it that way. ( I really don't understand the logic behind that but I do believe it to be true.)

    Also, I f.b with a women I met in my classes....she got engaged last Nov and was planning a wedding for Dec of this year (so a year later)...well...I just saw a post from her that they got married in March! She didn't not say why but I can speculate...and yes..she was living with her boyfriend/fiance. Sigh.

    Prayers and more prayers for you and us IF girls. We need them to stay strong and focused. God Bless.

  16. I know I'm not usually (ever) Suzy Sunshine around here, but maybe my perspective will work for you too. Here's how I see it: while people are always good in themselves, being pregnant in X situation is not always a good (a la Mrs. A carrying Mr. B's baby). So the way I see it, when this happens around me, is - if the expectant parents are happy, they are making the best of a bad situation. Because a pregnancy under those circumstances is a Problem. As is not being pregnant when you would like to be. Obviously the irony is upsetting. (I try to pretend that I can't see that part of it, but I'm not sure that method is healthy or effective.) In general, I tend to think that they have a problem, and I have a problem...if their problem is much smaller, then that's cold comfort. For my part, I would rather be barren than pregnant out of wedlock, I'm pretty sure. But people who feel differently might have a different overall reaction to the news.

    Anyway, the situation is crap. And I'm really sorry. And I am on the fence about Glee, but the finale episode will definitely make you feel better (even though RACHEL SHOULD SING LESS GOOD GRIEF NOBODY ELSE EVER GETS MORE THAN A LINE) unless you don't like labor scenes. I know that's a spoiler, but you need fair warning.

  17. Rachel definitely needs to sing less. I mean, I love her voice, but honestly.

    Ok, to the topic... I'm sorry. It's so frustrating. God does have some plan though, so take comfort in that.

    Our poor husbands, too. I remember when friends of ours (who, btw, are so poor I don't even know how they can afford to eat, let alone afford a crappy apartment) got pregnant with #2 and dh had to tell me. Poor guy was terrified of my reaction. I took it rather well though (surprisingly).

    Treat yourself well today.

  18. It sucks so bad hon. I hate that we do everything right - get married, become financially secure and prepare ourselves and then can't conceive when other people at the drop of a hat fall pregnant in circumstances where there is no effort at all.

    I have to defer to Anna on this - "It just proves that He can make something beautiful out of an ugly situation. "

    Thinking of you xxx


    We need to go get an angry drink together, my friend. I am so pissed at everything and anything lately. I'm peeved about this and I don't even know them!!

  20. I hear ya!! I hate that too! It's like, what do we get for being good girls? Infertility. Yippee.

  21. Wow, hate when that happens. but your turn will come, so just keep gritting your teeth and smiling.....:) how embarressing for her.

  22. I am so sorry. It is absolutely maddening. MADDENING I TELL YOU!

    I cannot even handle this kind of thing. Perhaps this is terrible advice but go have a stiff drink. Do not let the negative thoughts take over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Seriously, I am getting pretty good at having out of body experiences for other people's pregnancies .... throw your tantrum then act as if all is normal and before long it will be.

    I will pray for you!

  23. Hearing things like this makes me so sad! Struggling to get pregnant SUCKS. Everyday is a struggle. Some days we are doing great and some days not so much but we somehow manage to muster up the courage to move forward. Then we get news like the one you did and it's hard not to get mad! Then, like most of us do, we try and defend the fact that we aren't mad at the life that was created but rather the circumstances! Grrr...this crazy cycle!

    I am glad that you posted this though because I have felt this so many times and have felt like the only person in the world that has felt like this!

    I hope that today is better!! Prayers for you!!!

  24. Hope that episode helped - that's rough and I am so sorry.

  25. Hey, JB - Just checking back in and hope you are doing better.