21 June 2010

A New Day

Thank God for a new day.

I'm not saying that I feel 100% better, but it definitely feels better to be at school with my class that loves me (have I mentioned that I'm sad about the year ending? I may be tired, but I love these kids and I'm sad that I won't be teaching all of them next year). I got some hugs this morning, and Ralph was particularly sweet and came back for a second hug.

One of the things that was bothering me yesterday was my maid of honour had called me last week. She had e-mailed me to announce the birth of her daughter -- a month later -- and I just couldn't bring myself to respond. Mr. JB went to my parents' house yesterday without me since I had a migraine and my mom mentioned that her baby was going to be baptized this Saturday (now, who gives a week notice for a baptism?????). It was the straw that broke the camel's back. 

So last night, with the help of Faith like a child, I composed an e-mail telling her that I was having a tough time and that I just couldn't be around a newborn. I was very to the point and I made sure to congratulate her, but I thought that it would be hypocritical of me to attend such a happy occasion when I was feeling so sad. Who knows how she'll respond, but at least I've got the issue of actually sending her a response out of the way.

I was talking to Mr. JB about the situation last night. My fertile best friend also has a newborn and I can go to her house, hold the baby and on Friday night I even rocked him to sleep. I was a bit apprehensive when he was first born, but I quickly warmed up. The biggest difference is that my fertile bf never made it a secret that she wanted to have a bunch of kids AND as soon as she was pg she told me and she felt so horrible. Since her baby's birth she's asked if I was okay to be around him and I said that it didn't bother me since she was so open about it AND she lets me hold him as much as I want. 

Last night when I was doing some research into counseling I found the website for the company that my school board uses. Apparently the service is free to employees and there's a 24 hour phone number that I can call. My Reality recommended a fertility therapist that works in my city, but I think that I'm going to explore the free option first. A friend of ours used the counseling service and she was very happy with them. I know that my sadness is situational and that I am not in need to medication (at least I don't think so).  All I need to do now is to make the call.

Thank you all for all of your kind words and prayers on my last post. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such a supportive community of women that understand and don't judge. I have been trying to remind myself that this phase will pass and that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. 


10 comments:

  1. I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling at least a little better. Your email to your MH sounds reasonable and I can see why you would feel differently about your BF's baby since your BF is so considerate of your feelings.

    I hope that one of the counseling options works out for you (preferably the free one!). You're in my prayers.

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  2. Sounds like you have a great BF!

    Naomi from
    www.999reasonstolaugh.com

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  3. I like the idea of having the low-stress counseling option to try first. And I agree - even when it doesn't appear to be rational, how I deal with other people's kids varies really widely. I feel like I should be able to reserve the right to react however I really do feel, but I suppose it would be easier (especially for me) if things struck me the same way all the time.

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  4. I just read both today's and the other post and first things first, I'm glad that you are feeling a bit better!

    I'm so sorry that you had such a tough day(s) but it's good to see that you are able to recognize that getting help is a good thing!

    And lastly, how wonderful to have such an amazing (fertile), compassionate best friend...I would love to be able to have someone be that understanding about how difficult this can be at times. She's definitely a blessing! :)

    Anyways, you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that the free option turns out to be just what you need! Good luck!!

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  5. Glad you are feeling a little better! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The problem is that the tunnel is curvy rather than straight, so you can't see the light in the distance, but it is there and one day, before you know it, it'll be right in front of you!

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  6. Glad you are feeling better!

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  7. Glad you're feeling better (and sorry I missed the last few posts this weekend)! I think it's always a good thing to get your feelings out there - even if your friend doesn't take it very well, it's better for you to be honest.
    Good luck with the counseling!

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  8. I'm SO glad you are felling better.

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  9. Glad you are feeling better. Take good care of yourself!

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  10. Glad to hear that your feeling a bit better, and free counselling is always a good option! How I've felt around babies differed from day to day, situation to situation, but I've never been strong enough to hold someone else's baby so kudos to you!

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