20 July 2010

Looking back

I know that in the grand scheme of (blog) things, I haven't been a blogger for too long. Since AF started yesterday (oh joy!) I'm not feeling particularly enlightened or inspired. I've spent quite a bit of time, and in turn, yours, lamenting about my IF.

Instead, I want to remember a happier time.

If you're so inclined you can visit Paris with me. I've spent quite a bit of time trying to channel my happy place. I've also tried to hatch a plan to run away, change my name and start a new, non-IF life.

Don't worry, the last thought was fleeting. I'd have to take Mr. JB with me and I wouldn't be very good at pretending to be someone else.

Perhaps it's a blessing that I have this summer job, regardless of how mentally draining it is. The last thing I would want to do right now is dwell on the sad in my life.

Btw, we had to do an ice breaker activity last week and one of things I had to write about were my interests. I stopped myself from writing "Catholic infertility blogger" since I didn't want to out myself. Maybe I will have the courage to be open about my struggle, but for now I'm okay with having my corner of the internet to bear my infertile soul.

5 comments:

  1. We will all keep praying you into a happy place (Paris does enchant!).

    JB, you have an amazing spirit and resilience. I am sorry you have been walking this sad path for so long. I pray your joy is just around the corner.

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  2. I'm so grateful for your presence in the CIC. I don't blog (or comment) often, but follow all the CIC blogs religiously I've always appreciated your candid and honest posts.

    I'm sorry about the arrival of AF--I pray that your joyful respite from all this pain is coming soon. I've been to Paris briefly twice and agree--how can that city not be one's happy place?

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  3. I could totally see myself putting down "Catholic Infertility blogs" as an interest, haha! And I'll be praying for you- find that happy place- Paris is high on my list! :)

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  4. I hate that you are going through a rough time. I am praying for you!

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  5. Have you lived in Paris? Why can't you go to live there? I've thought about going to live in Europe, and while it sounds like fantasy, it's a possibility in real reality (both of my siblings will live there as of next month, for example). In my case, I'm thinking I may not need to really go, because what I'm trying to run away from is life and working, not the US, but if Paris would make you happy, then I think you should find a way to go. As a brilliant blogger wrote, "Infertility is where dreams go to die." We need to nourish the dreams we have left.

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