20 July 2010

Looking back

I know that in the grand scheme of (blog) things, I haven't been a blogger for too long. Since AF started yesterday (oh joy!) I'm not feeling particularly enlightened or inspired. I've spent quite a bit of time, and in turn, yours, lamenting about my IF.

Instead, I want to remember a happier time.

If you're so inclined you can visit Paris with me. I've spent quite a bit of time trying to channel my happy place. I've also tried to hatch a plan to run away, change my name and start a new, non-IF life.

Don't worry, the last thought was fleeting. I'd have to take Mr. JB with me and I wouldn't be very good at pretending to be someone else.

Perhaps it's a blessing that I have this summer job, regardless of how mentally draining it is. The last thing I would want to do right now is dwell on the sad in my life.

Btw, we had to do an ice breaker activity last week and one of things I had to write about were my interests. I stopped myself from writing "Catholic infertility blogger" since I didn't want to out myself. Maybe I will have the courage to be open about my struggle, but for now I'm okay with having my corner of the internet to bear my infertile soul.


  1. We will all keep praying you into a happy place (Paris does enchant!).

    JB, you have an amazing spirit and resilience. I am sorry you have been walking this sad path for so long. I pray your joy is just around the corner.

  2. I'm so grateful for your presence in the CIC. I don't blog (or comment) often, but follow all the CIC blogs religiously I've always appreciated your candid and honest posts.

    I'm sorry about the arrival of AF--I pray that your joyful respite from all this pain is coming soon. I've been to Paris briefly twice and agree--how can that city not be one's happy place?

  3. I could totally see myself putting down "Catholic Infertility blogs" as an interest, haha! And I'll be praying for you- find that happy place- Paris is high on my list! :)

  4. I hate that you are going through a rough time. I am praying for you!

  5. Have you lived in Paris? Why can't you go to live there? I've thought about going to live in Europe, and while it sounds like fantasy, it's a possibility in real reality (both of my siblings will live there as of next month, for example). In my case, I'm thinking I may not need to really go, because what I'm trying to run away from is life and working, not the US, but if Paris would make you happy, then I think you should find a way to go. As a brilliant blogger wrote, "Infertility is where dreams go to die." We need to nourish the dreams we have left.