20 December 2009

Elizabeth

I remember when we were engaged and we would talk about what we would name our kids.

Elizabeth was my number one choice.

It seems like my choice was foreshadowing things to come.

This morning's homily was all about pregnancy and waiting. Our pastor spoke of the beauty of a pregnant woman and how the anticipation of birth is such a great metaphor for Advent. He also spoke of the differences in age between Elizabeth and Mary. He figured that Elizabeth was almost 50 while Mary was barely 16.

Like so many of us, I thought that I would be a mother in my early 30's. I knew that I wouldn't be a young mother since I didn't get married until I was 30, but I figured that we would have a couple of kids in quick succession. It wasn't a question, or so I thought back then. Now here I am, almost 35 and I'm still childless.

Our pastor mentioned that his mother had him when she was 45. He also mentioned that his mother was quite embarrassed since all of the other mothers were in their 20's.

I realize that the stigma of being an older mother isn't what it was years ago. My fertile best friend talks about how young she is in comparison to the other mother's in her daughter's class. The majority are in their 40's and some have fathers well into their 50's. I know that I'm quite a way from being a 50 year old mom, but I'm so scared that I'm going to spend the next 5 years being barren.

But in the end Elizabeth did get her baby.

I don't think that our pastor meant for the infertile in me to feel all sad and despondent. I think that I wanted me to find hope in the fact that after all of her years petitioning and praying that she did get what her heart desired.

I need to be patient, so much more patient than I have been.

St. Elizabeth please help me to follow your example, I really need your help right now.

10 comments:

  1. I hope that this is going to be your year. Being patient is hard. But you will do it and the reward will be great.

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  2. Elizabeth is my #1 name for a little girl as well and I catch myself thinking about it a lot lately (especially with readings like today) and hoping I have my own little Elizabeth to love and hold some day. I even got married on the Feast of the Visitation so I have had a special devotion to St. Elizabeth. Thanks for posting this reflection. You are right...St. Elizabeth did eventually conceive and bear a child! May we follow in her path as well. Have a blessed remainder of Advent!

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  3. Elizabeth is a gorgeous name! I've always liked it.
    I always wanted to name a little girl Loraine or Sabine after my grandmothers, it would make my dad so proud. My husband is greek and wants to name his son Leonidis after the movie 300, ha, we may have to talk a bit more about that one! Naming babies is one of my favorite things to do........I hope 2010 brings us little Elizabeth and Leo!

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  4. My mother always told me how old she felt having me at age 30 (my sister at age 21). I laugh - sometimes cry, when I think of that. Of course, my grandmother was 40 when she had my mom so it wasn't unheard of, I guess it was just that the group of people my mom hung around at the time just didn't go beyond 30. Being in my 30s, too, I know just how you feel.

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  5. I always thought I would have kids in my 20s as I was told I was infertile when I was a teen, and the twenties came I got married, and they went and no baby, Christmas is the hardest time of the year to be infertile, there is a brutality to it, all those happy people, it is hard, and i wish I Had some sorta this is how you get through it tip but I dont.
    It is nice that you have such strong faith, it is something that i sometimes wish I felt.

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  6. I have always loved the name Elizabeth, too. It is just so timeless, it rolls off the tongue, and is just plain beautiful.

    May your Christmas and New Year be better than ever before, because you have a lot to be hopeful for (and thankful for -- you are now endo-free!)

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  7. I love that your homily was in reference to Elizabeth having a child, it is so inspiring, especially for us 30 somethings!!

    Elizabeth is a beautiful name and I pray one day soon you will be holding your precious daughter and thanking Elizabeth for giving you much needed hope right now.

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  8. Elizabeth is a great name (and my 2010 patron saint). I hope that you like St. Elizabeth, just have some waiting before you have a child.

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  9. when i was little i wanted to change my name to elizabeth :) it's just a timeless, beautiful name.

    in my grand plan i was going to have two kids, one at 26 and one at 30.... LOL. it's just funny to think back now, like we even ever had the choice.

    i quite liked my plan, but what is to come must be great...

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  10. I heard a very similar homily recently. It can be so painful, especially during mass. Im praying for you!

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