16 December 2009


The second day of my second period with my newly disease-free ladyparts.

I do have to say that any twinge that I feel makes me worry that the endo is growing back. Any minor cramp (and trust me, they have been QUITE minor in comparison to what I had to endure pre-surgery) makes me stop and think, "Now, was that really bad or am I just overreacting?"

I overreact, every time.

I wish that I could trust my body again.

Before my period started yesterday I kept on repeating, "It's okay if you get your period, it really is."

Even though it wasn't.

I'm tired of looking at every one's cute kids on their Christmas cards. I wouldn't send my friends pictures of my empty uterus! I know that they aren't flaunting their fertility. Heck, if I had kids now their cute faces would be plastered everywhere.

If I had kids I wouldn't be blogging right now, but that is besides the point.

We had our Christmas concert dress rehearsal this morning. I almost cried when the little kindergarten kids did their version of "Away in a Manger." I even commented to the librarian that I wanted to put one of them in my purse.

An infertile woman surrounded by little children all day long is sometimes not healthy.

To top it off I sat beside the VERY pregnant grade two teacher. She was telling me all about how she loves to watch her belly at night.

Have I mentioned that she got pregnant by accident????

Only two sleeps until Christmas vacation.

There's hope, right?


  1. I don't know...I feel teaching has helped me to cope with my IF (eventhough I'm just a sub right now). I like being able to work with the children and then send them home. I like my quiet house after work too. Would I give all of that up for a baby? Of course, but I'm just trying to appreciate the life God has presently given to me. I know that fear about endo returning. Lord willing...it will stay away. Blessings.

  2. There is hope. For all of it. You will make it to Christmas break! And there is hope that your body will work. Don't give up. It does happen.

  3. I am SO with you on this post. I literally just finished watching our second grade play here at school and I couldn't stop tearing up. Being surrounded by little ones is heart-breaking sometimes.

    Oh yeah, and also by my three pregnant co-workers. They are due in April, May and June. I really don't know how I'm going to handle walking around here in the spring.

    And the fear of endo growing back! I didn't have that thought until my doctor brought it up at my appointment this week. Are you kidding me? It's depressing to pass my one-year past surgery milestone.

    Sorry that this comment is all about me... but I can totally relate to everything you're feeling! I hope and pray that your Christmas break is full of God's grace, peace and relaxation. :)

  4. Keep up the hope. Christmas break is very soon. Your body has gone through a lot lately. There's hope that it'll work soon.

  5. Ugh, that sucks _ the knocked up accidently woman - sure get pregnant by accident JUST STOP TELLING THE WORLD ABOUT IT... we DO NOT WANT TO KNOw (and neither do you, right?).
    le sigh.