16 December 2009

CD2

The second day of my second period with my newly disease-free ladyparts.

I do have to say that any twinge that I feel makes me worry that the endo is growing back. Any minor cramp (and trust me, they have been QUITE minor in comparison to what I had to endure pre-surgery) makes me stop and think, "Now, was that really bad or am I just overreacting?"

I overreact, every time.

I wish that I could trust my body again.

Before my period started yesterday I kept on repeating, "It's okay if you get your period, it really is."

Even though it wasn't.

I'm tired of looking at every one's cute kids on their Christmas cards. I wouldn't send my friends pictures of my empty uterus! I know that they aren't flaunting their fertility. Heck, if I had kids now their cute faces would be plastered everywhere.

If I had kids I wouldn't be blogging right now, but that is besides the point.

We had our Christmas concert dress rehearsal this morning. I almost cried when the little kindergarten kids did their version of "Away in a Manger." I even commented to the librarian that I wanted to put one of them in my purse.

An infertile woman surrounded by little children all day long is sometimes not healthy.

To top it off I sat beside the VERY pregnant grade two teacher. She was telling me all about how she loves to watch her belly at night.

Have I mentioned that she got pregnant by accident????

Only two sleeps until Christmas vacation.

There's hope, right?

5 comments:

  1. I don't know...I feel teaching has helped me to cope with my IF (eventhough I'm just a sub right now). I like being able to work with the children and then send them home. I like my quiet house after work too. Would I give all of that up for a baby? Of course, but I'm just trying to appreciate the life God has presently given to me. I know that fear about endo returning. Lord willing...it will stay away. Blessings.

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  2. There is hope. For all of it. You will make it to Christmas break! And there is hope that your body will work. Don't give up. It does happen.

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  3. I am SO with you on this post. I literally just finished watching our second grade play here at school and I couldn't stop tearing up. Being surrounded by little ones is heart-breaking sometimes.

    Oh yeah, and also by my three pregnant co-workers. They are due in April, May and June. I really don't know how I'm going to handle walking around here in the spring.

    And the fear of endo growing back! I didn't have that thought until my doctor brought it up at my appointment this week. Are you kidding me? It's depressing to pass my one-year past surgery milestone.

    Sorry that this comment is all about me... but I can totally relate to everything you're feeling! I hope and pray that your Christmas break is full of God's grace, peace and relaxation. :)

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  4. Keep up the hope. Christmas break is very soon. Your body has gone through a lot lately. There's hope that it'll work soon.

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  5. Ugh, that sucks _ the knocked up accidently woman - sure get pregnant by accident JUST STOP TELLING THE WORLD ABOUT IT... we DO NOT WANT TO KNOw (and neither do you, right?).
    le sigh.

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