I drove home in Mr. JB's new car.
Yes, the manual transmission vehicle that I've only driven twice before.
And we were far from home -- in the north part of our suburb and it was more than a half hour drive in the rain.
We went out to eat after my cousin's Confirmation (Mr. JB was her sponsor, woohoo!) and I told him that I wanted to drive partway home. I kept on asking him if he wanted to pull over, but he told me to keep on going. I ground the gears once and I stalled when I tried to drive into our driveway! I was so worried that I would crash into our garage door (which would've sucked!).
Anyhow, Mr. JB told me more than once that I was being too hard on myself. I kept on panicking and apologizing needlessly that he was getting annoyed. He was pretty impressed that I was doing so well after only having driven standard two times before.
Which brings me to a little revelation.
Yesterday was a bad, bad day. I'm not saying that I'm feeling more optimistic in the TTC department, but I'm being too hard on myself. Five cycles is nothing (I can't imagine getting to 18 cycles at this point, but we're taking baby steps here).
I have to lay off the pressure that I put on myself. I can't help it. I'm a type A go-getter that has been successful at pretty much everything I've done, with the exception of having a baby.
Let's see if I can take my own advice.
I know that I'm going to get better at driving the new car. I just have to start believing that motherhood is a possibility.
Let's see how long that takes.