23 May 2010

Approaching it the wrong way

Mr. JB and I attended mass with his dad for the first time in a LONG time. Usually when we're visiting Mr. JB's home town his brother is in town and he says mass for us at home (can I tell you how much I love not having to get out of my pj's on a Sunday morning!!!).

Anyhow the church was packed of families with little children. The new pastor is really great and it was wonderful to see the little country church full for a change. We were sitting in the regular family pew (front left hand side, third pew from the front) in direct view of a painting of Jesus that had, "Jesus I trust in you" written at the bottom. Then I had a thought. I don't know if it was a huge revelation, but after the tough week I've had, it was pretty big to me.

I've been approaching my prayers to God in the wrong way. I've been imploring God for a baby, a sign that everything will be okay, for peace. Totally the prayers of a type-A Catholic. I'm asking for what I want, not for His will to be done upon me. Honestly, who am I to tell God what I want???

So this is the prayer that came to my head while I was in church, "Lord, let Your will be done upon me."

That simple.

I spent the rest of mass praying that I can be accepting of God's plan for me, regardless of what it is. I've been grasping at my heart's desire and it has gotten me stuck in a sad rut. I guess hitting rock bottom this past week has shown me that I have to surrender and trust.

So there it is girls. I'm going to try praying this way and we'll see how it goes.

Jesus I trust in you.

10 comments:

  1. It's amazing to watch us all struggle to our surrenders....

    And you are doing so good! At some point (i'm not example) it just gets to hard to fight the battle....We still fight as in charting, doctors appointments, but the internal battle needs to be laid to rest....

    Even if we have to keep putting it to rest over and over again....

    Jesus we trust in You! :)

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  2. I think you're going to look back on this as a HUGE turning point for you! I felt called to pray the same thing a year or so ago and I swear it all started to change. Now granted, for me it got harder before it got better, but wanting his will was very hard for me because of all that implies (what if his will was for me to be childless?). Just continue to hang on! He wants us all to trust in him and while it isn't easy, in the end his will is so much more beautiful!

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  3. Beautiful! It is so true! God's plan for us is so much greater than our own. It is difficult to understand truly trust sometimes, but he knows our true needs and He will meet them in perfect timing! Thanks for sharing this! I am so encouraged!!

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  4. Thanks for sharing this--I think sometimes the simplest things can cause the biggest revelations in our lives. In the day to day struggles it can be SO easy to forget things like that, I know I have to remind myself almost daily! It's like my quote from St Francis de Sales--they were simple words, words which I already knew, but somehow remembering them caused a huge impact on me! I'm glad you are finding peace in God's will for you and I think AYWH is right--this will be a turning point.

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  5. I seem to remember another blogger posting "Jesus I trust you" through a particularly difficult time, and then becoming a mother almost immediately :)

    Not that that's the point at all. I, too, have found much peace in this prayer and have been praying it for a year now, with only bad things happening. But no matter what is going on in your life, I believe those words can bring you peace.

    Lately I've been offering my suffering for you specifically. I hope it can do some good.

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  6. Today in church I was struggling as well. I want to be able to trust that he knows best and really believe it. Not just say that I know it, but really believe it. Of course, I was crying. Again. :)

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  7. What a wonderful blessing for you to find in Mass and in the depths of your heart! Praying for God's will to be fulfilled in your life!

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  8. I read this post before I went to mass. Then at mass, I saw the Divine Mercy Jesus with "Jesus, I trust in you" under it. I thought of you. This is a beautiful reflection....

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  9. Beautiful! I seem to go back and forth on this one though.. I'll have complete totall trust in Him, and then all of a sudden I want what I want, when I want it! I'ts hard, but I am much more happy when I put all my trust in the Lord. Good for you JB! :)

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  10. Awesome JB!!! This is exactly how I started praying a few months before M :) Praying extra hard for you!

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