Mr. JB and I attended mass with his dad for the first time in a LONG time. Usually when we're visiting Mr. JB's home town his brother is in town and he says mass for us at home (can I tell you how much I love not having to get out of my pj's on a Sunday morning!!!).
Anyhow the church was packed of families with little children. The new pastor is really great and it was wonderful to see the little country church full for a change. We were sitting in the regular family pew (front left hand side, third pew from the front) in direct view of a painting of Jesus that had, "Jesus I trust in you" written at the bottom. Then I had a thought. I don't know if it was a huge revelation, but after the tough week I've had, it was pretty big to me.
I've been approaching my prayers to God in the wrong way. I've been imploring God for a baby, a sign that everything will be okay, for peace. Totally the prayers of a type-A Catholic. I'm asking for what I want, not for His will to be done upon me. Honestly, who am I to tell God what I want???
So this is the prayer that came to my head while I was in church, "Lord, let Your will be done upon me."
I spent the rest of mass praying that I can be accepting of God's plan for me, regardless of what it is. I've been grasping at my heart's desire and it has gotten me stuck in a sad rut. I guess hitting rock bottom this past week has shown me that I have to surrender and trust.
So there it is girls. I'm going to try praying this way and we'll see how it goes.
Jesus I trust in you.