When I started my blog on January 7, 2008 I never expected all the wonderful gifts it has brought me. I knew that I needed an outlet. We had been at the infertility game for two and a half years at the time and I was at my wits' end.
We had made the decision to leave our evil IF clinic and had just started acupuncture. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that we were going to be infertile forever. It also didn't help that my teaching partner was very pregnant and I was sneaking away to the evil doctor's office a few times a month.
If it wasn't for this blog I wouldn't have found the Marguerite Bourgeouys Family Centre and NaproTechnology, or at least it would've taken me much longer to have found it. It was a fellow blogger that recommended the centre to me and I will be forever grateful. It wasn't until Mr. JB and I attended the Introductory Session that I finally realized that there was an answer to my barrenness.
I know that the journey hasn't been easy -- two surgeries, three hospitalizations, countless medications and needles. I may still be waiting for our baby, but at least I am disease-free and so much healthier. I don't know if I will ever carry a baby in my womb, but I know that I am healthy and (relatively) pain-free.
I have also been so blessed to have made so many friends through my blog. I have met many of you in person (yay BW's!!!!), chatted with you on the internet, and made friends with you on FB. Whenever I've hit a low I know that all of you are just a post away. Your comments have buoyed me through recuperating from surgeries, changing schools and soon changing grades, getting pg news and most of all you've helped me stay sane through this journey through infertility. I have thanked God for all of you many, many times and so often I felt closer to you than my IRL friends that I see on a daily basis.
So as were start another cycle (and finish another round of F.emara), I'm feeling hopeful. It may have been the unseasonably warm weather and the sun shining today. Or perhaps I'm on an up-swing from the low that I hit last week. I'm starting to believe that I will be a mother again. It's been a long time since I would even entertain the idea.
Tomorrow night Mr. JB and I are attending our first adoption information meeting with the C.hildren's A.id Society. I'm nervous and excited. I am going to take a lot of notes and hopefully many of our questions will be answered, but I'm certain that we will have even more.
Something that has been going through my mind the past couple of days is, "In God's time." I read it on some one's blog recently, but I can't remember who. I am trying really hard not to push against what is supposed to happen for us. I just have to believe that it is going to happen.
And it will. I know that it will. It just has to.