2 February 2010

Shock

I'm still in a state of shock girls.

I felt like I was walking around in a fog all day. It may have to do with being exhausted, but I'm just wiped out emotionally.

As Mr. JB just said to me, I am taking my neighbour's death really hard. Harder than I normally would.

I think that the cross of infertility is weighing heavily on me and on top of all of the illness that is surrounding our family, a death was the straw that broke the camel's back.

After school instead of going to yoga I went home and made soup for my neighbours. I know that big part of needing to cook was having a sense of feeling useful. I know that our support means a lot to V and A, and I know that J would appreciate it as well. When I got home I opened up the garage door and saw J's wheelchair sitting there. It was difficult for me to put the garbage can and recycling boxes back in there just knowing that the chair was there. I'm so glad that J's brother thought to give it us for the meantime because I know that seeing J's chair would make V and A quite upset.

My biggest hurdle right now is that I have to figure out how to get my class covered to attend the funeral mass. V asked us both if we could go and I don't want to let her down. She doesn't have any family here in Canada and she has a difficult relationship with J's family.

The only productive thing that I did today was RSVP for the adoption seminar on February 22nd. I really hope that they don't try to scare us away since that was the feeling that I got from the intake worker.

Please continue to pray for our neighbours. Visitation will be tomorrow and Thursday and the funeral mass is going to be on Friday. I really don't think that it's hit A yet. We had dinner with them and some other neighbours and A was flitting about trying to finish a slide show for the funeral home.

I miss my crazy parents and they're only on vacation. I can't even imagine losing my father at 13. I'm 35 and I can't even bear the thought of my parents getting older and sick. I have to remind myself that I have to appreciate my crazy parents, regardless of how much they frustrate me.

I just wish that life lessons weren't so hard to digest.

14 comments:

  1. I am sorry you have all of this going on right now. Sending prayers and hugs! I am guessing the intake worker is to scare the faint of heart away, and hoping the seminar will NOT be more of the same!

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  2. This is so hard. I understand how when tragedies happen they seem magnified while you're going through IF. (Particularly primary IF, imo, because I see other people cling to their children in times of tragedy. I know I certainly would.)
    Prayers for you, and for your neighbor and her daughter.

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  3. Definitely praying for your neighbors and both of you! It sounds like your neighbors are some really special people and I am so glad you will be able to lift their spirits with your presnece!

    Congrats on gettng RSVP'd! Every dream begins with the smallest step!

    Hope you can rest well tonight!

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  4. I'll keep your neighbor's in my prayers. Even though I didn't know the people who live across the street from us...when the father was killed in a car accident while driving to work,,,I felt their grief. I made a casserole to bring to them..we gave them a mass card. The wife was left with three children. When it's so sudden...it's tough.

    I know what you mean about aging parents. Mine are "up there" in age and my dh and I discuss often what we're going to do. My FIL does not want to go to any kind of assisted living or nursing home. I really have to work on trusting God on this one.

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  5. This was so sudden, and so very sad. My thoughts are with the family and with you as well. It is devastating to lose a parent that young and I can understand how IF would enhance your emotions as you witness the grief this family is facing. These people are your neighbors - and neighbors have a special connection with each other - in some cases you see them more often than your family and other friends. When things happen like this, it can hit you hard.

    It was very thoughtful of you to prepare soup, I know that they'll appreciate this very much. Sending hugs.

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  6. I'm praying for you and your neighbors family. I'm sorry its been such a rough time for you.

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  7. Saying a prayer for you and your friends hon xxx

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  8. I am so very sorry. Many prayers for this family and for you.

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  9. It is always tough when death hits so close to home.

    Thinking of all of you.

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  10. I'm sorry this is so hard for you. I'm not sure that this helps, but I think it's a great blessing for your neighbors, in a world when everyone seems to be anonymous and unconnected to their communities, that the loss of their husband/father meant enough to somebody that they would suffer because he died. That you care so much is itself good for them - that they're not the only ones that are heartbroken that he's gone.

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  11. Oh my, this sounds really hard. Death can be such a blow. This might not be comforting, but I do think it is something to be admired that you are mourning for him. People so often put up walls and become immune to all the sadness and suffering, or are too absorbed in their own lives to really notice other people's pain. And as Misfit said, it is wonderful that in this anonymous world, you are so loving to your neighbors. Love thy neighbor!
    None of that helps -- but I hope you can love them well this weekend.

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  12. I'm praying for you and your neighbor's family.

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