One step forward, seemingly a hundred back

I wish I was feeling more positive about my doctor's visit.

Let's just say that we had to go to I.kea to cheer me up and that didn't even work! Mr. JB was angelic while we walked through the store and he didn't even complain when I went back to check if the baskets I needed were in another part of the store (they weren't, they're sold out, argh!). He even patiently went through the kitchen section with me and admired the no-slam drawers (which I was so badly!).

Anyhow, back to business.

Thankfully our wait wasn't too long. I was prepared with my favourite decorating magazine so I was actually a bit disappointed when we were called in so soon (Am I the only one that feels like this in the waiting room????)! So Dr. T looked at my chart and then reviewed my Peak +7 bloodwork from this month and last. Apparently this month's levels were still low whereas last month's were really good (I didn't think that I ovulated, but I could've had a yeast infection, there's no real way to tell). She was also surprised that I was spotting around ovulation since that would be an indication of lower estrogen levels, but last month my hormone levels were good. She seemed genuinely surprised that my hormone levels post-peak weren't better since I was on F.emara (I didn't get in trouble, she was happy that I took the meds!).

I also asked her about getting tested for MTHMFR, but since I don't have a history of miscarriage. She also said that the testing isn't covered by our provincial health care, so at this time she doesn't think that testing for it is necessary. What she does want me to research is the "I.mmupro 100" test. She talked about some of her Napro colleagues that are researching the connection between food sensitivities and infertility. She said that she hasn't seen an increase of pregnancies with her patients that have done the testing, but she said that it couldn't hurt. I also mentioned to her that I'm going to see my naturopath on Friday and that I would mention the testing to her. We just walked in the door so I didn't even get the chance to google "I.mupro 100."

So I'm figuring that this cycle is a bust, but I was too scared to ask her. I couldn't handle any more bad news.

What Dr. T does want me to do for my next cycle is to double my dose of F.emara. I asked her why she put me on an ovulation induction drug when we know from my u/s series from way back that I do ovulate. She explained that it helps the follicle quality and that there would be a better chance of having multiple follicles than I would without the F.emara. She also said that it helped with the post-peak hormone levels (which is why she was surprised that my levels were so low this cycle).

Dr. T also explained that stress can really effect hormone levels and all of you know that I've had a pretty stressful month and a half (remember all of the illness and death that seems to be hovering around our house?). It's obvious that my body is reacting to all of my life stresses. Another thing that she wants me to do is repeat the u/s series that I did when I first started seeing her two years ago, but that's going to have to wait until the summer. We're going to try the double dose of F.emara for two cycles and then we're going to see what happens.

On Monday evening I saw my chiropractor and she mentioned that my lower back problems are most likely due to healing from my surgery and subsequent abscess. She thinks that my body just isn't ready to conceive yet -- which is something that I wasn't 100% prepared to hear, since she is right. I'm back to wanting to force my body into doing something that it isn't ready to do.

I know that I tried to set myself up for disappointment so soon after my period starting again. Although it has been seven months since my surgery, it has only been three since my period started and really only two since the abscess has been gone. I wish that I could have the belief that both my Napro doctor and chiropractor have in my ability to conceive.

Right now I feel so defeated. I always hope that she's going to give me stellar news that I've been miraculously cured and that we have finally conceived. Alas, not at this visit.

I'm tired of being infertile and broken. It also didn't help that there were so many pg women, babies and kids at I.kea.

My head hurts. I need to eat some ice cream or something.