It took thirteen years....
and two tries (because I wasn't brave enough the first time!).
But I am now the proud new owner of a stylish bob.
I was reluctant for many, many reasons. One: I don't like change. Two: Long hair is really easy. I don't know if it's the hormones (I don't think so since I started thinking about getting my hair months before the L.upron) or just boredom. I've lived with basically the same long hair with variations on the length of my bangs for most of my life.
My shortest haircut happened in my second year of university. I had just broken up with my high school boyfriend and I needed a change. My dad didn't talk to me for a week, my mom said that she didn't like it. I'm really hoping that I don't get too much flack from my family members, but I've gotten many compliments already!
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Today was my best friend's son's third birthday. I was supposed to go early and help out but we had some mis-communication and I thought that she was going to call me to tell me to come over and she thought that I was just going to show up. I was also totally procrastinating because I knew that there would be a newborn in attendance (our university roomie who decided after years of not wanting a second child that she did and proceeded to get knocked up immediately).
I was also not rushing to go over because I thought four years ago that I would also have a three year old like my best friend. N is easier to be around now that he's bigger. When he was an infant at the beginning of our TTC journey it just hurt. I didn't spend a ton of time with him like I did with my bf's daughter. I had lots of excuses. I was busy with work, busy with yoga, busy with life. When in reality I was in mourning.
Every birthday we celebrate for little N is like a knife to the heart. S and I planned to have our maternity leaves together. They live around the corner so it would've been so convenient to share babysitting and childcare.
Now she has a five year old and a three year old and I have nothing. Just a belly full of endometriosis, adhesions, cysts and fibroids.
Woohoo!
I've started to do some more research on domestic adoption. I just can't stand the heartache of being barren right now and I need a distraction (besides having my house turned upside down by renovations!). I don't want to think about my life post-surgery right now. I'd like to think that we'll conceive right away, but there's no guarantee. All of this unknown is starting to wear away at my sanity.
I'd like to believe that next year at N's birthday that I'll have a baby growing inside of me, but I've hoped for that for three years.
In four years I haven't been hopeless. Unfortunately, I think that I'm here and I don't know what to do with myself besides cry.
I recently got a call saying that my friend was having her second child. While I was excited, it def. hurt a bit. We contemplated trying this summer since I was told it would help the endo. that had grown back since my first lap 6 months ago, but decided against it since that meant going off of pills and dealing with intense pain. Watching everyone around me (okay not everyone, but it feels that way) get pregnant stings just a little, so I understand where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteps. short hair is much easier than long hair. I converted and will never go back!
Your hair looks great!
ReplyDeleteWatching everyone else's kids get older really only makes it more obvious that we don't have them.
We have been through the Children's Aid orientation. If you are thinkng of that direction, I can probably find the paperwork we got.
Your hair is gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think IFers don't think about it much, but even ONE major surgery for a young person is a LOT. If a friend of yours had, I don't know, a kidney removed, you'd expect that to be a Major Event, something that would affect her for a long time. You will have had MULTIPLE major surgeries, no? POST-surgery, you're still living with a serious illness. You're on a restricted diet and you're going to be on crazy medications and even the testing procedures are a burden. I think it's easy to see that as part and parcel of the IF pain but it isn't just that we want kids and don't have them - that's an ADDITIONAL cross. It's everything else that we cope with that other people our age rarely have to. It's a LOT. And because it's IF-related, we tend not to share it with people. If you had a coworker who had major surgery, you can bet that s/he'd be milking that attention for all it's worth...do you? You're really tough and you've made it through a lot of hard things like a hero. And you'll continue to. But I don't think it's fair to expect yourself never to cry over all you've had to go through. (Especially on lupron!)
It will be okay in the end---it just seems like a long road to hoe. After your lap, this will all change.
ReplyDeleteOh, and on the off chance I sent an email to the wrong addy, I sent one. Fine to ignore, I hope it was ok, I just wanted to make sure you got it.
Please take care, much love to you!
Love the hair! I've been contemplating a big cut for awhile now too. I just can't commit.
ReplyDeleteAnd I can totally relate to the feelings and emotions you're having. It's so painful to watch all my friends' families continue to grow. It's such a painful reminder of all the time that keeps flying by.
I love the haircut! Woo hoo, change is good!
ReplyDeleteDomestic adoption "research" is really fun, imo :) I hope it gives you a nice distraction, and also gives you HOPE that yes you will be a mommy someday soon.
God Bless!
Your haircut looks awesome!! I love bobs!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to watch our friend's children get older while we stay childless.
I'm thinking of you.
Your hair is so pretty and shiny! I'm jealous!!!
ReplyDeleteI love it - it looks great hon xx
ReplyDeleteWhat I would give for your hair!!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I wish I had that shine!!!
I love the shorter length. It will probably be very easy to fix, if not easier since it dries faster!
I am still rooting for you and praying for you. I am sorry I have been MIA lately. I can't wait until you are on the other side of your surgery and back in the "trying" phase. Seriously, it will be here before you know it!
In the meantime, perhaps you can try and force yourself to have fun doing the things you love .. pamper yourself a little bit!
Your hair is FABULOUS! How are you feeling on the Lupron?
ReplyDelete