Explosions

I know that the name of my blog indicates that I seem calm. Most of the time I am. At school I hardly raise my voice (except for this morning when I had to explain, very sternly, the importance of proper behaviour during a fire drill). I've practiced yoga for ten years. I'm pretty good at meditating (I usually end up saying Hail Mary's since my mind sometimes wanders!). 

I have also been pretty surprised at my L.upron side-effects. One of my colleagues who knows about me taking the drug said that I haven't changed at all, which was a HUGE relief! I have been more tired, my skin broke out at first, but that is even subsiding, and my boobs have been a bit sore. All in all, nothing worse than the crazy pre-HCG PMS that I used to suffer through.

Well this morning I absolutely lost it on Mr. JB. Granted, he deserved it. 

Let me set the scene: We were both in the kitchen and I noticed that I was out of almond milk. I really hate going to the basement cold storage (this was the case even before the renovations started) so I asked him to get it for me. He started to grumble because he knows the mess that is in the cold storage -- all his doing, he's not a very organized person and when he packed some of our stuff away in that room there was no forethought at all. He normally goes to the basement to get things for me, but this morning he grumbled away because he realized how big the mess is (he discovered how bad his disorganization was affecting him because he had a hard time finding beer at the bottom of the pile of crap that he created!). 

When he started to grumble at me I exploded. As in full out yelling and throwing things around, exploded. I'm already frustrated that I can't eat PB & J in the morning or raisin bread or bagels because of the stupid endo diet that I'm on. I also really don't care for almond milk either, but I'm supposed to cut down on my soy consumption. So really his grumbling just set a whole minefield off. But of course, I don't just get angry I start to cry. And lately when I start to cry, I have a hard time stopping. I'm getting teary eyed when other teachers compliment my student's work! 

Anyhow, after making him feel really guilty I calmed down, reapplied my make-up and went to work. Lucky for my class that I'm holding it together a little better now. 

I know that I would've gotten angry at him regardless, but I probably wouldn't have swore at him and banged around my kitchen (although I have been known to throw things in the past). 

On a positive note: I can't believe how much our contractor has done! All of the framing is up, some of the wiring AND the washroom has been started. They also brought in some of the drywall yesterday. 

Please send prayers friends, I really hope that I can keep my temper at bay until August 4th!