13 January 2008

I guess my pancreas still needs some more strength training....

So I've started spotting. But it didn't surprise me this month since I was feeling all the pre-period symptoms (sore boobs, acne, extreme tiredness... what fun!). I'm actually quite glad that I started this blog, at least I have something pro-active to do rather than just eat chocolate and feel sorry for myself. Although chocolate sounds really good right about now...

As my acupuncturist said on Friday: things are looking better, but we still have a way to go. He didn't say, "No, you're barren. You will never have your own baby. Give up now." That's good, right? 

At church this morning I noticed a family with an adopted Chinese daughter.  There's another family with two little Chinese girls that are just the cutest. They sit up at the front (I guess to keep the girls from misbehaving! Not easy since they're both under the age of four!) and apparently they call the priest God. I think that's the funniest! Anyhow, the little girl was trying to get her dad to pay attention to her and he just put her arm around her to give her a hug. He just looked so happy to have this beautiful little angel in his life. I can only imagine what kind of struggle they had until they decided to adopt. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something, I don't know.

I may be oversensitive today but I saw pregnant women everywhere! Every time I turned around there was another huge belly staring at me in the face. I remember before I got married that I could imagine myself all big and round, unfortunately after two years of struggle I can't seem to wrap my head around it any more. 

One of the things I was told to do by my acupuncturist is to imagine being pregnant. I'm supposed to meditate every night for twenty minutes with a heated magic bag on my belly. I was really good at it when I started seeing S, but I've fallen off the wagon. January is a time for resolutions (and I didn't make any!), so I think that I should stop my pattern of negativity and imagine my baby. Imagine it growing inside of me. Imagine my baby in my house. Imagine my baby being in my arms. 

I can do it. If I set my mind to it I can do anything. Right?

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