Yesterday, post-meltdown, I went to the Hallmark store to buy a card for my teaching partner who is leaving for maternity leave at the end of the week. Our students and I chipped in for a swanky spa day for her and I needed a card for the kids to sign.
While browsing for the cards I happened upon an "Infertility Card". Now, I know that I shouldn't be surprised that cards like that exist, but I was in a very fragile state by the time I made it to the store. So I picked up the card and read it quickly because I could feel the tears returning -- I really don't think that the store would appreciate me curling up into a ball in the middle of the floor -- so I returned it quickly and continued on with my search.
Although the few people that know about our baby struggle are very sympathetic and understanding, I really can't imagine anyone actually buying that card for me! My best friend is always very supportive and she's always a sympathetic ear. One of my colleagues who went through IF is always ready to lend an ear. But I can't imagine either one of them buying me that card! And really, I don't know if I would want to receive it....
Today was a better day. I had a horrible night's sleep, but I trudged through my day like a trooper. I also decided to take a mental health day tomorrow. I haven't taken one all school year and I think that I'll return to work a much nicer and much saner person.
This journey is one that I have to take one day at a time, the bigger picture is what is bringing me down. Let's hope that I remember that the next time I hit the bottom head first.