Baby Showers [insert BIG sigh here]

Baby showers seem to be the bane of my existence as an infertile Myrtle. It seems like the more un-pregnant that I become, the more that I have to attend, and in the case of today, throw!

My teaching partner's last day is tomorrow and so I organized a little shower for her from the kids. She was so touched and the kiddies were so happy to watch her open her gifts. But I couldn't help but feel overwhelming dread in the pit of my stomach every time a baby shower balloon went over my head. 

You see I was supposed to have a baby by now. I had it all planned. I got married in July 2005 and then I was going to get pregnant by November 2005 (so I could have the ENTIRE school year off) and then I would have been back to work only half time after my mat leave. It was a fantastic plan. My best friend and I planned to get pregnant together so we could spend mat leave together. It was a brilliant plan. 

She had her baby N in May of 2006 and I'm still barren and still going to baby showers and feel like absolute crap every time I watch the mommy-to-be open up a onesie. 

This has been a week of the feel-me-sorries and I know that all of the self-pity is causing more anxiety, but really this sucks! 

I need one of those memory erasers that Will Smith had in "Men in Black." Are they available on eBay?????