3 December 2011

Why does it always surprise me?

I'm an optimist.

It's my default setting. And am I ever glad that I try to look at the good rather than dwell in the bad. If that were the case IF would've crushed me a long time ago.

I've been stewing about this for a couple of days. My blood pressure is surely elevated and I wish that I could have a glass, heck a bottle of wine right now. The fact that I have to deal with stress on top of recovering from major surgery is not making me happy.

It's my mother.

She has done so well since my surgery. She's good in a crisis. She likes taking care of me and I've let her -- I don't like to be coddled at all which is one of the biggest reasons for our conflict. She is one of the biggest reasons why I went into therapy while I was in university and why I needed to "find myself" on the other side of the world.

I have come to peace with my relationship with her. I know how to deal with her without making myself crazy, but now I'm a little flummoxed. Now she's fighting with her siblings and I feel like I'm caught in the middle.

You see, she's one of ten and seven of her siblings live very close to one another (north of me, thank God!). There's been family drama since last Christmas (that my immediate family wasn't involved in) and now my mother has announced that although it's her turn to host "No one is going to want to come to my house anyway."

My mother tells me nothing. This post is the biggest proof. I also have strong suspicions that she deals with crazy hormones like I do. Unfortunately for her she doesn't have treatment for her craziness, hormonal or not.

What worries me is that it seems like she's holding grudges. She had an altercation with one of her younger brothers a while ago and although he has since apologized, she is still very angry at him. My parents didn't show up at my aunt's house for Thanksgiving, but my mother gave me a lame excuse that they had a previous engagement. I didn't know about the fight until a couple of weeks ago.

I know that there is more going on then what she's telling me. There has to be. She's trying her best to get Mr. JB and I to side with her. I told her with 100% certainty that I am going to spend Christmas with my cousins. I do have issues with one of my uncles (remember the one that told Mr. JB that he should find a "second wife" to give him kids? I don't even speak to him), but I love my cousins. I was taught to forgive and love my family, but she is obviously not following any of the lessons that she tried to teach me.

I wish that my mother didn't make my blood boil. The sad thing is that if I was made to choose between my extended family and my mother, it wouldn't be an automatic choice. She has not been the most supportive parent and she treats me so horribly. I hate feeling manipulated.

Please pray for my crazy mother. It's obvious that she's dealing with a lot. I just wish I could feel more patience for her.


  1. You are 100% correct to go to your cousins. Cousins are VERY important! It is hard, some people hold on to hurt longer than they need to. I think it is not worth worrying over right now, you have to focus on healing. She'll come around. Make your decision and don't look back. :) Hugs!

  2. Mothers are HARD, especially manipulative mothers in big families (they seem to have much more drama than small ones!).

    My mother was mad at her sister for months and months, because we (her and I) showed up to visit her in the hospital and she refused to see us (didn't bother me at all). Her sister was on the psych ward, her husband had died, she was in recovery from breast cancer and was totally messed up.
    But, my mother was angry. Now she sees that she wasn't thinking of her sister but of herself, but, man it takes years to make the smallest breakthroughs!
    hang in there, keep putting yourself first, you have to think of you and your future children!

  3. My mother drives me crazy too at times, I am fortunate enough to have space and distance between us. Maybe they are all crazy to some extent?!? Praying for her and for you to have a peaceful and uneventful Christmas with no drama.

  4. I will pray for healing for your mom, and your relationship. Who knows what is really behind this approach to life - insecurity - wanting proof that someone is on her side and 'loves' her ... fear, pride, sadness - anyway it can't be a good feeling for your mom and it surely is unfair and painful for you. I hope you can put the situation in God's hands and find peace even in this stress.

  5. I remember that post but had to re read it again. So crazy all those secrets and I imagine your mom is so stressed keeping them inside!! Gosh I am sure you are grateful for her help but ready for independence too.

  6. Praying for you and your mom and your family!

  7. Man, you certainly don't need that stress. Praying for you and your mom.

  8. Cousins are the back bone of my family since my immediate family is very unsupportive. I hope and pray that your mother finds some peace soon.

  9. You and your mom will be in my prayers - I too have a tough relationship with my mom, so I'll have lots of opportunities to offer it up for you in the coming weeks.

  10. I'm sorry, moms are just hard. My opinion for what that's worth is that it's okay for your mom to not participate with her family if that's what she needs to do, but it definitely is NOT okay to put you in the middle.

    Sounds like it's time to set some firm boundaries with her. I set firm boundaries with my dad a long time ago and we now have a great relationship. I'm now having to do the same thing with my mom and crazy aunt... it sucks! Praying for your whole family.

  11. I will be praying for your mom and for you. I agree with not taking sides ... or if you do, going to your family Christmas. Family feuds are so hard to deal with!