I'm an optimist.
It's my default setting. And am I ever glad that I try to look at the good rather than dwell in the bad. If that were the case IF would've crushed me a long time ago.
I've been stewing about this for a couple of days. My blood pressure is surely elevated and I wish that I could have a glass, heck a bottle of wine right now. The fact that I have to deal with stress on top of recovering from major surgery is not making me happy.
It's my mother.
She has done so well since my surgery. She's good in a crisis. She likes taking care of me and I've let her -- I don't like to be coddled at all which is one of the biggest reasons for our conflict. She is one of the biggest reasons why I went into therapy while I was in university and why I needed to "find myself" on the other side of the world.
I have come to peace with my relationship with her. I know how to deal with her without making myself crazy, but now I'm a little flummoxed. Now she's fighting with her siblings and I feel like I'm caught in the middle.
You see, she's one of ten and seven of her siblings live very close to one another (north of me, thank God!). There's been family drama since last Christmas (that my immediate family wasn't involved in) and now my mother has announced that although it's her turn to host "No one is going to want to come to my house anyway."
My mother tells me nothing. This post is the biggest proof. I also have strong suspicions that she deals with crazy hormones like I do. Unfortunately for her she doesn't have treatment for her craziness, hormonal or not.
What worries me is that it seems like she's holding grudges. She had an altercation with one of her younger brothers a while ago and although he has since apologized, she is still very angry at him. My parents didn't show up at my aunt's house for Thanksgiving, but my mother gave me a lame excuse that they had a previous engagement. I didn't know about the fight until a couple of weeks ago.
I know that there is more going on then what she's telling me. There has to be. She's trying her best to get Mr. JB and I to side with her. I told her with 100% certainty that I am going to spend Christmas with my cousins. I do have issues with one of my uncles (remember the one that told Mr. JB that he should find a "second wife" to give him kids? I don't even speak to him), but I love my cousins. I was taught to forgive and love my family, but she is obviously not following any of the lessons that she tried to teach me.
I wish that my mother didn't make my blood boil. The sad thing is that if I was made to choose between my extended family and my mother, it wouldn't be an automatic choice. She has not been the most supportive parent and she treats me so horribly. I hate feeling manipulated.
Please pray for my crazy mother. It's obvious that she's dealing with a lot. I just wish I could feel more patience for her.