13 December 2011

Christmas Card Resentment

I would like to think of myself as the queen of Christmas.

I love decorating (my main Christmas tree has a theme and we have a tree in our bedroom).

I love holiday baking.

I love buying gifts, and mostly I love wrapping them (I need to get into a groove and once I do, I'm a machine!). 

I love listening to Christmas carols.

And until this year, I loved sending out Christmas cards.

Our first Christmas as a married couple we sent out a wedding picture as our card. The second year we sent out very beautiful Uni.cef cards. The third year... And the fourth year...

We're on year six.

Year six of sending out very beautiful cards.

Cards that I wish were cute pictures of our equally cute kids with "Merry Christmas from the JellyBellies" written on the bottom.

I am so afraid that I'm going to be here staring down our seventh Christmas sending out the same boring cards.

Even the Ho.w I M.et Yo.ur Mo.ther marathon is only lessening the blow just a tiny bit. Perhaps I may need to crack open a bottle of wine....

IF you suck big, fat donkey balls.


  1. I hear you on the Christmas cards...it's kind of like being around everyone you know and having to answer the question "What's new? (that really means, are your pregnant? when are you going to have kids? why don't you already ahve kids?)" to all of them at the same time.

    While I've not been trying as long as you, I've been answering this question since saying "I do" (like most married people) and I'm ready for an answer in which I do not have to explain myself.

    Prayers as you prepare your cards...

  2. I used to feel this way too about sending Christmas letters. My mom asked me once, "Now that you're married are you going to do Christmas letters?" Why?? Nothing happened to us! It would've read, "DH is still in school, still has no job, and we still have no children and I still work at a job I really just tolerate. Sometimes. The end."

    I have a feeling your 2012 cards will be very different!! I'm betting they will either feature Baby JB or your growing bump. :)

  3. Ugh, I feel the same way. I so want to be the one sending out the cute photo cards. I am tired of being on the receiving end. And, it gets harder and harder every year to find religious Christmas cards that I haven't already sent, and I refuse to send secular ones. LOL re the donkey balls. ha ha ha

  4. For what it's worth, we make fun of the long Christmas letters highlighting the kids in my home. :) We love hearing the updates, we really do, it's just not something our family ever did, and there's always that letter that sounds... like bragging. And I guess I also always *wanted* to know how the couple was doing, and instead the focus was always on the kids, which made me, a child of divorce, wonder how the marriage really was doing. Yep, I am a Grinch and have been for years apparently lol (long before IF).

    Then, as single years wore on, I hated cards because it would be stupid to send a photo of myself.

    Last Christmas we received not just a family photo but an ultrasound photo announcing a new little one.

    So to sum this issue up, I have apparently always hated Christmas card letters in spite of my love for people and Christmas. So there, you're not alone (I think that was the point of my ramble? :)). Enjoy a glass of wine!

  5. I've decided to just send a limited number to our close family this year, for this exact reason. Otherwise, our Christmas letters would look almost the same as Hebrews's!

  6. Yes! I hate Christmas cards too. Well, not the cards themselves, but the letters and pictures attached. Then, once I have the letters, I feel compelled to read them, even though I don't want to know what's inside.
    This year, my MIL's letter went on and on about the new grandbaby. That was her first piece of news. The rest of us were chopped liver. Ugh.
    Donkey balls is RIGHT!!!

  7. Out of all the Christmas letters we received, one family does not brag. And they don't just focus on kids. We don't do letters because it really can cone across as bra-go-doshis.

    And with age I've thankfully gained a smidge of wisdom. I try to be more sensitive to what others may be experiencing...IF, death, divorce, etc

    Why not buy something funny and write a note about a couple of fun experiences you two have enjoyed this past year.

    If it's too hard this year, skip it. Blame it on the cost or something. Spend the $$ on a bottle or two of good wine or a fancy dinner date!

    I'm sorry you have to be going through this. Sending a big hug!

  8. This year in my Christmas cards, I sent out 17 and have so far received a total of 3, I put in a hand written note telling of what is going on in our lives. I mentioned the miscarriage and how we hoped I'd soon be pregnant again. Kind of shuts them up from asking why we don't have kids YET!

  9. I'm sorry, JB! We didn't get a tree for a couple years because I was so depressed. But then that probably only made me more depressed.

    And I just wanted to add that the whole Christmas letter thing is new to me! I didn't realize they were so common, except that I hear them mentioned on fb and blogs. My family never did one and we don't receive any either! Maybe it's a regional thing?

  10. I rarely send out Christmas cards. Or Christmas letters. I fail to see how my single life is all that exciting. Every year I hope I'll have something new and exciting to report, but so far nothing.

  11. I'm so sorry, JB!

    I agree with Patty- spend your $ on some nice wine to eat with your cookies amidst your beautiful decor! Cards are getting so expensive anyway.

  12. I thought I was Ms. Christmas - I start listening to carols on Nov 1. But a tree in the bedroom - that is hardcore! Not that we have room in our bedroom to put a tree, but I like the idea.

    re: the Christmas cards and letters ... If someone is going to send pics, I prefer pics of the whole family (alot of the time, I won't know the kids well but I will know the parents). I don't mind the letters if they are more 'news' and not just braggy. I have received some great letters from friends that are single and-or couples that are CF ... along with a few pics of vacations, etc :) About every 2nd year I do send a letter and I give news about the family too - not every recipient will be interested in everyone, but I figure they can read it or not if they want. The letter includes good news (new job, etc.) and also challenges (medical diagnoses, etc). It's not just a relentless-how-great-our-life-is kind of letter.

    I hope you can enjoy Christmas and maybe just put the cards to the side this year. Hopefully next year you will be sending out the kinds of cards you have been dreaming of.

  13. I sent out cards with a picture of our dog and cat on them. And if any one person mocks me for it, I'm forcing them to listen to my story of how I lost my baby and then daring them to mock me again for it. I feel like people don't understand how hard infertility is in nearly every aspect of your life. Something as silly as Christmas cards is just another reminder that you have no children.

  14. Patty has it right!

  15. Correction... you're on year 7 of Christmas cards... cuz I'm on year 6 ;)

    Not to piss you off even further, or anything!!!!

    You pg, yet? Hurry up.

  16. You are right about the IF and the donkey balls! I understand how you are scared.

  17. I still have the package of cards I bought 6 years ago; that is still awaiting the cute baby picture to put in it.

  18. For some really odd reason, only certain Christmas cards (with certain kids' photos) hurt...the others, not so much. It's weird.

    Probably depends on my mood and hormones that day though! ;)

  19. I'm with you on the cards. This is year 7 for us with no babies, and equally sad because we could have been parents to twins this year. Ugh.

  20. Praying for you Jelly Belly. I felt the same way and last year just gave up and quit sending. I know that feeling, praying for you and your card resentment....

  21. I am sorry, JB. Was totally thinking about this very topic this year and how its one more painful thing when dealing with IF. Praying for you.