30 March 2010

What to do????

I don't know if you remember my maid of honour. She's pregnant with her second, despite swearing up and down that she didn't want another child AND her husband "made her get an IUD."

[sigh]

So she's due in May (at least that's what my mother said, she's friends with my MOH's mom as well). She hasn't exactly told me that she's expecting, and Mr. JB and I are no longer invited to her family's parties (I guess that's what happens when one is barren). Well, she called me earlier in the year and then she left a voicemail message on my cell phone yesterday.

I really don't want to call her.

I know that I have to get past my feelings of jealousy. I also know that I have to forgive the fact that she is a coward and couldn't bring herself to give me her news herself. My fertile best friend cried when she told me that she was expecting and I know that she struggled with telling me (she went as far as asking a formerly IF colleague what she should do). But in the end she told me and I didn't find out by accident or from someone else.

I have to be the bigger person in this situation, I know, but I'm so tired of having to be the bigger person.

What do I do? How do I approach this?

Oh Lord, I thought that going to Confession was going to help tonight, but it hasn't.

Help!

16 comments:

  1. You have to face her at some point, unless you are okay with losing her friendship. :( Sucks. I know how you are feeling. I agree whole heartedly that she should have told you herself, but, some people really and truly don't know what to do. That doesn't make it better. When she tells you, it's OKAY to tell her that you are hurt that she didn't tell you. She NEEDS to know that.

    HUGS. I'm so sorry. I think the more you put this off the more it will torment you. HUGS

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  2. I have no advice at all, just a question...

    do you have ANY friends IRL that aren't pg???!!!

    Honest to Pete!!

    ;)

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  3. I know that feeling of hating to have to always be the bigger person when you are struggling.

    *hugs*

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  4. I love TCIE’s question. I was thinking the same thing.

    I don’t know. I guess you can call her back and bring it up first just to get it out of the way. She knows you know so there isn’t any use in sitting there waiting for her to break the news. It seems like she was a close friend at one time, so I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying you wished she would have told you sooner, but I wouldn’t harp on it. A lot of people are just so scared to say the wrong thing that end up not saying anything at all.

    This sucks. I’m so sorry that you, yet again, are having to deal with this.

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  5. This really stinks. Sounds like your friend might be a little self consumed and might have some other problems in her marriage. That must be hard for her to be married to someone that loves her but doesn't love her fertility. I know I would be deeply hurt.

    Maybe she needs to know how you were hurt and what to do next time. It does stink to have to be the better person all the time, but what a way to build a bridge towards heaven?

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  6. My personality would be to call her back and get it over with......but I like to end the suspense on when I'll see her or when she'll call or pop up unexpectedly.....I'd rather control it and call when I know I'm ready to deal with it. After that you can see her or not according to if you want to deal with her or not. I guess it depends on how much you value her friendship. As I've mentioned before I constantly have pg friends, right now I have 2 friends pg that i see weekly and 3 family members......but I've decided I value their friendship too much to let my wants get in the way. Yes I've dealt with those that didnt' want to be pregnant and it annoyed me but......there isnt' much you can do besides determine how much you want to see them and avoid them when you feel like you can;t handle it.

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  7. praying for you daily! ((hugs))

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  8. Wow, it sounds like you are being bombarded with pregnancy announcements :(
    This is the hardest situation to be in I find, I STILL haven't talked to my bridesmaid that wrote "SURPASS I"M EXPECTING" on my facebook page, so I guess I am not the one to be giving advice. I guess give her a call and talk to her, it sounds like maybe she was just scared to say anything? also, let her know how you feel, its quite freeing.

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  9. I remember and still struggle with this.
    I have lost friends over it, because my heart just cant handle it.. I pray and hope you find the courage to know what to do... <3

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  10. I am with endo journey - it is okay to be up front and honest - she probably is (hopefully) wracked with guilt and just avoided you rather then face the truth that she is annoyingly fertile.

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  11. Can you get away with emailing her? That is usually how I handle those things.

    You could email her from school and tell her you got her message and things have been nuts the past few evenings and you wanted to let her know you got her message, haven't had a chance to call, but wanted to get back to her before Easter weekend got going.

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  12. I know it isn't easy to always be the bigger person, but it seems that we always end up in that boat. Sigh. My spring has been filled with babies as well, and luckily I am doing okay with it. I will pray that you are able to get through it.

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  13. I think My Reality's idea of just email her is a great way to start. Good luck and I'm praying for you.

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  14. Why is everyone getting pregnancy announcements lately? See, when you think it is just you... I would be honest so she knows how you feel and follow with "if I didn't really care about you, I would just let this go bu I need to be honest". Yeah, truth is freeing, even when it is hard.

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  15. Ugh, I'm totally with you on this one. I would NOT want to call her back, but then I would feel guilty about not calling her and that sucks too. There's no way to win on this one - I think it's going to hurt either way :(.

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  16. I know I take the harshest tone on these things, so I assume you have the appropriately-sized amount of salt ready. Here goes: you made her your MOH because you thought of her as a *close* friend. You have already found out she was pregnant from *several* other people - and not the week before she was planning to tell you, I gather. Also - and I think this is really the biggest point - she stopped inviting you to her home, because...um. Searching for a reason. Oh, because you're some sort of inconveninence? So, my shocking conclusion: she's not realy your friend. She may qualify as a good acquaintance. You can smooth this out for her as an act of Christian charity (and, indeed, I would endorse that, if my opinion were relevant). Go ahead and offer it up for the poor souls. But there is no friendship there to save. She's selfish and immature and doesn't really care about you, and you have better things to do with your time.

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