5 October 2009

A little confession

I went to dinner with my former colleagues on Friday night. One of the girls had her newborn with her and I couldn't even look at the baby. I had an even harder time pretending that all was well and that my friend, who decided after six years of marriage and constant assertions that she was too selfish to be a mom, got pregnant soon after she started TTC.

I guess that the bitterness that has been masked by all of my recent health issues is not too far from the surface.

Babies are hard to take, especially newborns. I don't have the same feelings around older kids.

Still praying for Aunt Flo to show up. I would really like her to arrive so we can get this show on the road!

Then again, we've been trying for four years and three months, what's another couple of weeks?



  1. I agree - pregnant stomachs and babies are the hardest. Older kids don't bother me as much, except when I see the whole family together and wish I had that. Sometimes when I'm REAL depressed, I look around and notice that every single human being is the result of a fertile mother! Haha! But that's only when I really want to torment myself :)

    Praying you can get the show on the road real soon!

  2. It's maddening....

    I bet it is even harder becuase you haven't really bled in a long time....

    I understand, babies and bellies kill me.

    As the months move farther and farther away from my miscarriage, I feel the bitter pill slowly being released into my system. It sucks!

  3. TOTALLY understand!!!!!!

    I am still very hopeful for you, though. You are starting over fresh so go ahead and hit the "delete" button on those four years of trying.

    You are a new woman now!!!

  4. I totally understand about pregnant women and infants being the hardest. I really hope you can start with a fresh cycle soon.

  5. I go through waves, sometimes babies are okay, nd sometimes they're not.

  6. I still can't look at babies. Especially newborns. So, I don't think you are alone in your feelings, not at all.

  7. Totally understand, I couldn't even
    go out with my pregnant girlfriends
    the other day...its just too hard. And
    like your friend, one of them didn't even
    care to have kids at all, now she
    is on her second...she called me just
    to say "oops I did it again! giggle" arg!
    how can it be so easy for some and
    so hard for others? I struggle a lot with this,
    I wonder if this is just me, and I'm a selfish
    person. but when I hear postings like yours
    it lets me know that were just human,
    dealing with people who have everything
    we want, and is really hard.
    Its so funny because I find being pregnant
    to be the only socially acceptable thing
    to brag about. I mean, it would be RUDE to go
    on and on about how much money you
    have in front of a poor person.

  8. pregnant ladies and babies are definitely the hardest, and they are always around.

    there is no escaping everyone else's fertility.

  9. The infants are so hard.
    I hope AF shows up soon.