6 July 2009

Taking off

So Mr. JB and I are taking off for a few days. Our basement is officially finished. We wrote them a cheque and said our goodbyes and we're cleared to start putting stuff back in. And although it stresses me out to leave my house an unorganized mess, we need to get away.

My best friend is on holiday at her parents' cottage and we're taking her up on her offer to join her. The cottage is on an island and it's a great place to stay. There's no cable, no neighbours and most of all the company is great. I haven't fully de-toxed from school mode and we need a break from our house. Mr. JB's theory is that we'll recharge and then we'll be completely ready to complete the move into the new basement as well as the re-organization of our house.

My head has been really jumbled since school finished. I have so much more time to think now that I don't have 20 6 year olds in my face. I definitely think that I'm depressed and I have the L.upron to blame. Since I went through clinical depression while I was in university the feelings are very familiar. I can't wait until my surgery and I can't wait to get this drug out of my system. I'm certain that it is helping the endo shrink, but the other effects on my psyche are very worrisome.

I try to remind myself that it's the drug and that it's temporary. I hate feeling down and I'm trying my best to keep my head above water, but it's hard.

I miss feeling like myself. I miss feeling light.

But I definitely don't miss the incredible pain that my periods brought.

I don't know if the island has internet (it did last summer, but I don't know if they got rid of it). I'm bringing our laptop just in case.

I really hope that the clean northern Ontario air will help clear out the cobwebs in my brain.


  1. SO GLAD that you are getting away! I completely relate to your feelings about being down... and yet I don't really have a drug to blame. This road just gets harder and harder to walk the longer we are on it. Ugh.

    Praying that you return feeling refreshed and renewed!

  2. Enjoy your vacay!!! :) NO internet! Escape completely!

  3. That sounds absolutely fabulous. Enjoy every minute, and take a picture of the adorable-sounding cottage for us!

  4. Eeek to the endo (I do think the big shot that you had has more severe side effects then the monthly shots that I was getting). I do understand what you mean - I would describe it as feeling "dead inside" or hard to feel the joy that we used to feel.... it is almost out of your system, hang in there.

  5. I remember last fall, that feeling of wanting to do anything to get back to feeling myself again. Thank goodness it's temporary and you'll feel better in just a few months (though that can feel like eons sometimes, when you're blue...).

    Anyways, have a lovely time in the north! I hope nature, clean air, and relaxation work their magic!

  6. I hope you have a wonderful relaxing time away, you deserve it!!

  7. Have a wonderful trip! I'm glad you're getting away. I'm sorry the treatment's making you feel so awful. I hope that knowing there's a physical cause and that the surgery is coming up soon makes it easier to bear--I'll be praying for you!

  8. I hope you have a great time and the drugs induced depression backs off.

  9. Yay for the basement being done!! I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with the meds still. I pray that this getaway helps heal you body, mind and spirit.