Aquarius: Jupiter has absolutely no intention of letting you miss out on a big chance. One way or another, you are about to be seduced into finding out what's feasible now.
I don't know what my "big chance" is, but I hope that it has to do with a trip that I've been planning for the past couple of months. I booked my tickets this morning, after much agonizing and procrastinating. I've never been away from Mr. JB since we got married, although he has gone away with the guys more than once. I'm excited and nervous at the same time.
I used to be the big world traveler, independently and autonomously visiting various European countries. Now, after four years of marriage, I've become a little dependent on my hubs.
After four years of having my self-confidence and self-worth ravaged by the big IF, I need this vacation for me.
So much of myself has been lost in all of the negative pregnancy tests. So much of my confidence and independence has been washed away by all of the poking and prodding by doctors.
I'm taking this trip to remind myself that I am not my infertility.
Now I have to work on believing this.
As the L.upron wages a war on my mental state I have to remind myself that deep down below the estrogen-depleting effects of this crazy drug, I am in here somewhere.
Right?
Congrats on booking the trip!! I know what you mean about becoming a bit dependent on the hubbie. I also used to be big on travelling and volunteering in far off lands. And I guess you could say I sort of maybe snubbed my nose a bit at couples that stuck together like glue - how boring! And yet, I feel best when I am with my hubbie. I just am really happy when we have time to spend together. Boring? Perhaps. But I don't think being a bit dependent is a bad thing, as long as we don't lose our own interests in the process.
ReplyDeleteSo, congrats again on your much deserved trip - it's awesome to have that opportunity to explore those parts of yourself that may have been covered up by everything else going on.
I am glad you are going, you are going to have a BLAST!
ReplyDeleteyou are not your organs.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing fabulous.
I am so happy that you have your flight booked!
I totally feel like there needs to be a standing on the top of cliff moment where you yell out into the winds "I am not my infertility!" and then some highlands bagpipe can start up in the background or something.
ReplyDeleteBut even if it's not like that, I hope you have a great time!
Yay!!! I love to travel by myself, and I think DH likes to have the house to himself, too... without the nagging wife telling him to put his dishes in the dishwasher, or use a coaster :P
ReplyDeleteI like that statement "I am not my infertility." How it happens none of us know but it's true...IF can overtake your life and tear it apart, become our identity. Working on that is a daily feat of strength..good luck with it all and I praise your determination to go on a trip without DH. Have fun! God bless.
ReplyDeleteFrom the slight bit of discomfort at feeling dependent on the husband to the loss of self-confidence after hearing all the things that are wrong, this post practically sings itself to me. I hope the trip is all you need it to be. ♥
ReplyDeleteYeah! I'm always a bit lovesick when away from my guy, but it's kind of wonderful, too, that ache... I'm so happy that you're getting out there and doing something for you!
ReplyDeleteTell us more! Tell us more! (that's the sound of me living vicariously. :) )
I totally get being nervous to go away from your DH. I used to be a lot more independent and go places alone more... After all, I was almost 34 before I even met Paul. Now I seem comfortable just waiting until Paul can go with me. Sometimes it concerns me and then other times I remember that I prayed long and hard for someone to share those times with.
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