I absolutely love Sundays. Even Sundays where Mr. JB and I have to usher at church -- it's the one job that we've volunteered that I really don't like. The back of the church is way too loud and I always feel a bit strange when I have to take the collection.
But I digress.
I used to take a very difficult yoga class on Sunday afternoons, but I had to stop earlier this year because of a persistent injury I have in my left leg. I didn't feel too badly though because my favourite teacher started teaching a class on Monday nights that was still challenging, but not injury-inducing.
The past couple of weeks I haven't been feeling 100% so I decided to take the meditation class that my studio offers. I used to be the worst meditator in the world! I couldn't quiet my mind enough to relax, but finally after 10 years of practicing yoga, I can finally sit for half an hour in peace.
So during class today I decided that it was a good time to have a chat with God. I try really hard to have a clear head while meditating, but I was having a hard time shutting down this afternoon. I was telling Him that I was tired, so very tired, of all of this IF business. In between my silent rant I interspersed some "Hail Marys" to help me refocus and just before the half hour of silent meditation was over a very loud clap of thunder erupted over the yoga studio.
I didn't really think much of it. We had a very rainy day (among many, many rainy days in the past month) and at mass this morning a very loud crash of thunder happened right after the final blessing. It was perfectly timed for when the congregation says, "Thanks be to God." Our parish priest had a good laugh about it in the vestibule afterwards. It was like God was punctuating the mass with a very loud period!
So this evening on my way home after class I looked up at the sky to see a beautiful rainbow. When I was having my talk to God I asked him for a sign, for anything, to show me if things are going to be okay. I don't usually bargain with God that way, but as I told Him this afternoon, I'm at the end of my wits. I know that my mental state has been effected by the L.upron, but come on folks, it's been FOUR years.
Four long, long years.
I've decided that the rainbow is a sign. I have to be hopeful that my surgery will be successful. I have to continue praying that we will be parents. I have to be positive.
Perhaps something good has come of all this crazy rain that we've been having. What do you think?