Thirty-four Eve

I've been neglecting my blog. Since my appointment with Dr. I last week I've just been too tired to be creative -- I'm blaming the January blahs.

In my part of the world we've been in a deep freeze which means that my students haven't been going out for recess. Having 20 six year olds in a classroom all day without the chance to burn off steam is torture for a teacher. I realize that it is inhumane to send them outside when it's -20C, and really so many of my students beg to stay in because there really isn't anything for them to do and they'd much rather stay in a draw a picture.

I've also been trying to digest the reality of having my surgery date set. Some days April 7th seems like light years away, other days it feels right around the corner. If I had my choice I'd have it done next week, but I'm sure that in the grand scheme of things waiting another three months after already waiting three and a half years, is nothing!

I'm on day 30 of my cycle and I've been quietly wishing that we "snuck one past the goalie." I've been really tired (I feel asleep on the way to the movie theatre tonight, we saw The Wrestler which was really good), my boobs are sore, I'm grumpy and I've also been crazy thirsty. My symptoms could be PMS, I know. Like I said, it's hard to get one's hopes up after so many years of disappointment. I'm sure that Aunt Flo will show up tomorrow all cheery and happy to see me.

Have I ever mentioned that my favourite colour is red?

Irony of ironies.

I'm quietly wishing that for once I'll get the best birthday present tomorrow and not get my period. You see I turn 34 tomorrow and I've never wanted anything so badly in my entire life. I'm trying not to think about how many years we've been trying to make a baby JellyBelly. I'm also trying not to think of the scary 35 that is coming up as well. I know that many, many women conceive well into their 40s. My Creighton practitioner had her first at 38! My grandmother had her last at 45. Really, I'm not that old.

I thought that 33 was going to be our lucky year. Then again, I thought that 32 and 31 were going to be equally lucky, but they weren't. In retrospect I know that we made more progress in the past year than we had the first two we were trying. We attended our Introductory Session at the Marguerite Bourgeoys Family Centre on February 7th. In under a year my low progesterone, ureaplasma, and endometriosis were all diagnosed.

Unexplained infertility my a$#!

I'm looking forward to celebrating tomorrow (especially since it's a Professional Activity Day so I don't have to teach AND I'm going out for lunch with my teacher buddies). Mr. JB is taking me to a local French restaurant and I'm sure that I'm going to get some really good presents tomorrow (my list was very specific!). I'm throwing myself a birthday party on Saturday and I'm going to see so many friends that I haven't seen since last year. It's an excuse to break out my chocolate fountain AND instead of presents I asked for donations to our local food bank. And to top it off S.tarbucks is giving away free oatmeal tomorrow!

I decided that my birthday present to myself is to look forward. Good things are coming in my future. I will have so many of my questions answered, and perhaps we will make that baby JellyBelly after all.

My lucky number is 4. Is 34 a good omen?

I'm deciding yes.