Like a desert, well almost

I'm feeling much better. I ate the blandest things possible yesterday (and was more than a little lightheaded for the lack of food) and I rested A LOT. Although I'm a little disappointed because we had a fun afternoon planned, my body needed to lay low. I was so out of it yesterday that I didn't even realize that we had a little snowstorm!

When we left for mass this morning it look a while to clean off the car because there was a TON of snow on it! Lucky for Mr. JB it was just the light fluffy stuff. Honestly, I love winter. Perhaps it's because I was born at the end of January during a snowstorm, but I think that it's because everything is so beautiful covered in white. It also helped that the sky was clear and it was so bright this morning and the snow was just gleaming.

I spent today taking it easy. The most strenuous thing that I did was empty the dishwasher (which is the worst dishwasher in the world, I can't wait until we replace our appliances!) and tidy up the kitchen. I had real food -- grilled cheese and soup -- and I didn't have to rush to the bathroom. My overactive bowels have behaved on only one dose of I.mmodium.

Thank God.

I have my annual physical tomorrow morning. I have to fast for 14 hours so I can have bloodwork done so Mr. JB is furiously trying to cook and serve dinner before 8pm. We're usually pretty later diners, something that I blame on living in Europe. We normally don't eat dinner until 9pm which is good since if we eat earlier I have to eat something before I go to bed or I wake up absolutely starving. In the past two years of constant fertility testing I haven't had a pap smear (and I wouldn't have booked my physical if my Napro doctor didn't insist that I needed one). I know that I shouldn't complain too loudly, but after all of the swabs and poking around in my ladyparts couldn't she have just done a pap smear while she was down there?

Speaking of down there: I officially hate C.lomid. Not only was my period crazy heavy, but now I've been pretty dry down there. I'm on CD 13 and I've had practically no CM. Usually around now I would see lots of 10CKL (stretchy, cloudy/clear), but I've had more 10SL (shiny with lubrication) and 10DL (wet with lubrication) instead.

Argh.

It also doesn't help that I just can't take the B6 supplement that was prescribed to me. It made me feel so sick and I really couldn't function with the burning hands and feet. I hope that my doctor can prescribe something else while I'm on C.lomid, or at least give me something else. I'm still a little baffled at why she even prescribed it to me since she thinks that I have endo. Wishful thinking maybe?

I'm almost convinced that we're not going to conceive until after I have my surgery. We've had the best conditions since starting the HCG injections -- my luteal phase is now more than 12 days, I haven't been spotting mid-cycle, my hormone levels are good. It's pretty plain to me that there is something else going on.

I have to come to terms with waiting for longer, I guess. So many of you have written about surrendering control that I'm going to jump on that bandwagon. I believe in my heart that I will be a mother. I wouldn't have continued on the road of testing, doctors visits and heartbreak month after month if that wasn't the case. 2009 is the year that I finally find my answers. No more "unexplained infertility", no more crossing my fingers during the 2WW.

Only 11 days until my appointment. Really, it doesn't seem like that long after 3.5 years!

p.s. Apparently I missed my one year bloggoversary. I was looking through my archives and I started this little space on January 7, 2008. So happy belated birthday my blog. Thanks so much for getting me through another year of being baby-less.