11 January 2009

Like a desert, well almost

I'm feeling much better. I ate the blandest things possible yesterday (and was more than a little lightheaded for the lack of food) and I rested A LOT. Although I'm a little disappointed because we had a fun afternoon planned, my body needed to lay low. I was so out of it yesterday that I didn't even realize that we had a little snowstorm!

When we left for mass this morning it look a while to clean off the car because there was a TON of snow on it! Lucky for Mr. JB it was just the light fluffy stuff. Honestly, I love winter. Perhaps it's because I was born at the end of January during a snowstorm, but I think that it's because everything is so beautiful covered in white. It also helped that the sky was clear and it was so bright this morning and the snow was just gleaming.

I spent today taking it easy. The most strenuous thing that I did was empty the dishwasher (which is the worst dishwasher in the world, I can't wait until we replace our appliances!) and tidy up the kitchen. I had real food -- grilled cheese and soup -- and I didn't have to rush to the bathroom. My overactive bowels have behaved on only one dose of I.mmodium.

Thank God.

I have my annual physical tomorrow morning. I have to fast for 14 hours so I can have bloodwork done so Mr. JB is furiously trying to cook and serve dinner before 8pm. We're usually pretty later diners, something that I blame on living in Europe. We normally don't eat dinner until 9pm which is good since if we eat earlier I have to eat something before I go to bed or I wake up absolutely starving. In the past two years of constant fertility testing I haven't had a pap smear (and I wouldn't have booked my physical if my Napro doctor didn't insist that I needed one). I know that I shouldn't complain too loudly, but after all of the swabs and poking around in my ladyparts couldn't she have just done a pap smear while she was down there?

Speaking of down there: I officially hate C.lomid. Not only was my period crazy heavy, but now I've been pretty dry down there. I'm on CD 13 and I've had practically no CM. Usually around now I would see lots of 10CKL (stretchy, cloudy/clear), but I've had more 10SL (shiny with lubrication) and 10DL (wet with lubrication) instead.

Argh.

It also doesn't help that I just can't take the B6 supplement that was prescribed to me. It made me feel so sick and I really couldn't function with the burning hands and feet. I hope that my doctor can prescribe something else while I'm on C.lomid, or at least give me something else. I'm still a little baffled at why she even prescribed it to me since she thinks that I have endo. Wishful thinking maybe?

I'm almost convinced that we're not going to conceive until after I have my surgery. We've had the best conditions since starting the HCG injections -- my luteal phase is now more than 12 days, I haven't been spotting mid-cycle, my hormone levels are good. It's pretty plain to me that there is something else going on.

I have to come to terms with waiting for longer, I guess. So many of you have written about surrendering control that I'm going to jump on that bandwagon. I believe in my heart that I will be a mother. I wouldn't have continued on the road of testing, doctors visits and heartbreak month after month if that wasn't the case. 2009 is the year that I finally find my answers. No more "unexplained infertility", no more crossing my fingers during the 2WW.

Only 11 days until my appointment. Really, it doesn't seem like that long after 3.5 years!

p.s. Apparently I missed my one year bloggoversary. I was looking through my archives and I started this little space on January 7, 2008. So happy belated birthday my blog. Thanks so much for getting me through another year of being baby-less.

6 comments:

  1. I need a cheat sheet for you Napro technology terms. Could you put a post together with the terminology? It is so different than the regular TTC lingo. I could get most of it from context but what the heck is 10DL??

    I am glad your gut is cooperating a bit. Now, hopefully your cervix will.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah ha! That makes sense.

    Happy belated Blogoversary.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I just read your comment on AYWH's blog, about adoption. You're so brave for saying that, about feeling like you'd admit defeat. That's how I feel too. We're still early in our TTC adventure, compared to some other bloggers, but I'm just not at adoption yet. I want a child, but I also would like the experience of being pregnant. That idea of getting pregnant someday is what is supposed to make AF worth it each month!! (Sorry for going off-track on your post, but your comment really struck me!)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happy birthday to your blog!

    I'm on Tamoxifen and I am also seeing less mucus than normal. I haven't been prescribed B6 though (I know you can just buy it, but isn't it a huge dose?). I'm gonna call my doctor about it for next cycle if it doesn't pick up this week. Let's hope it does for both of us!

    I can completely relate to your comment on my blog. I was there for four years. And sometimes I'm still there! I think the reason we decided to move forward with adoption now is because I found a way to separate the two things in my mind (adoption and trying to conceive). Now, we all know I wouldn't be adoption right now if I was able to pop out babies on my own. I'd probably at least be on my second if I was fertile. So they are definitely related.. but I am able to separate them because I have not been told I can't conceive. In fact, it's just the opposite. I have a better chance now than I ever have before. We just decided we didn't want to wait any longer to start our family and after praying about it a ton, we felt like God was telling us that the time was now. Even when praying about it we felt as though we'd grow our family through adoption and, one day, a pregnancy or maybe even in the reverse order! So I do my best to try to keep the two things separate, and just leave it up to God. Everyone's experience is so different, though, so you will know if and when the time is right.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Clomid seems to dry up cervical mucus, almost completely. If you use it for 3-4 months in a row, you have to go off it for 6 months to avoid something called "clomid poisoning" which can wreck your estrogen production. Which is why lots of REs refuse to use it these days, and prefer letrozole, which only suppresses estrogen for the 5 days you are on it, then it surges back.

    And you can use it over and over again for months on end.

    I do think things will go well after your surgery.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I must confess, I only skimmed this post- - will read more in depth later. But as for your cm during Clomid, try the regular Mucinex (2 x day) for 5 days leading up to projected O. And ask maybe about Amoxicillin, too. (Or are you the one who's allergic to Amox?? Maybe a diff. antibiotic would work? My Biaxin and Macrobid have worked well for my cm, too, but they're not Rx'd specifically for that.)

    Anyway, just wanted to mention that to you, since you can't take the B6. Try to do something for mucus enhancement after surgery, so that you can give it the very best shot. Or ask to switch to Tamoxifen or Femara (though I've heard that Femara is not legal in Canada for IF??)

    ReplyDelete