Nine days post-op **Updated

I'm still really surprised at how good I'm feeling. Perhaps it was because I was expecting the worst. Or perhaps it's because I had such horrible gas pains in the hospital that I thought was a heart attack that I feel good in comparison. Or perhaps it's because I've been trying to walk as much as possible in my little house. Or perhaps it's because I'm in pretty good shape and that I prepared my body for the surgery with the help of my naturopath and the (not so) evil L.upron.

I have no idea why I'm doing so well, but I am so grateful.

I haven't been taking as much pain medication as I was when I first got home. I hardly have any oxy.codone left and I'm taking the anti-inflammatory twice a day as prescribed. I haven't even used my heating pad on my belly today. Getting up and down from the couch is getting easier and I got out of bed with little effort this morning.

I've been entertaining visitors pretty much every day. It's a great way to break up the napping and TV watching. It's pretty sad that I know the entire television line-up! I've also been able to read. One of my girlfriends brought me a whole bunch of trashy magazines and I also have quite a few subscriptions. I just finished J.ulie & J.ulia and I can't wait to see the movie. The book talked about artichokes so much that I had to send Mr. JB to the grocery store to get me some! Lucky for me preparing steamed artichokes is pretty simple and so tasty!

I'm planning on my first outing tomorrow. My books are due at the library and I think that I can make the short trip. The public library that we go to is very close to our house and it isn't very big. I also have a very slim chance at running into people that we know there, although our parish priest is a big library supporter. Mr. JB went to church on his own last Sunday and he told only one person about my surgery. Our priest was being monopolized by a parishioner and Mr. JB wanted to get to the grocery store before coming home. I hope that I'll be up to going to church on Sunday. I always feel so guilty when I don't go even though I know that I have a pretty good excuse.

My biggest task this evening is removing the steri-strips that the nurse put on my incision. I was hoping that they would fall off in the shower, but I've been super gentle on my lower abdomen since coming home. It's so numb that it almost feels like I'm not touching my tummy when I am. I just have to grit my teeth and do it, but I'm feeling so squeamish and I don't want to hurt myself.

I'm pretty pooped. I'm going to take a little nap before dinner! Really, I think that even if I didn't have surgery that I would be doing just about the same thing!

----------------------------------------------------

Update: I just removed the steri-strips in the shower. I missed two and I had to take them off when I was out of the shower. It was the strangest feeling EVER! I wonder how much feeling I will regain in the area once I'm healed. I took a quick peek at my incision in the mirror and I felt just a bit nauseous.

I think that I'm going to re-start the castor oil packs tomorrow. Although my surgeon did an amazing job and the incision is low and perfectly straight, I want to minimize scarring as much as I can.

I'm so glad that it didn't hurt!!!

Five years ago today

August 10, 2004.

The day that Mr. JB proposed. I made him ask me twice because I was in so much shock.

Let me set the stage: I had just gotten home from helping my oldest friend (who was also my matron of honour) plan her daughter's baptism. We had a date to watch the A.mazing R.ace at my apartment and I was concerned that he was late. Mr. JB didn't have a cell phone (and he didn't get one until a year into our marriage) so I couldn't call him. He arrived five minutes into the show and he walked in with a bunch of flowers. He sat down on the couch beside me and had me open the paper and the ring box was on top.

I opened the box and almost lost my mind. He got down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage and I started to scream. I think that I put the ring on my finger, but then I told him to ask me again because I didn't remember the first proposal.

Obviously I said yes. And when it sunk in I called the friend who I was helping and her sister (who was living with her at the time) answered the phone and we screamed and jumped up and down. I called a whole bunch of people and e-mailed some other friends. I was so giddy with excitement that I could barely contain myself.

Mr. JB, along with the dozen red roses, brought me some really good pepperoni and champagne. The pepperoni was kind of a joke between us. I used to have an addiction to H.ot R.ods (really salty pepperoni sticks that kids like) and he wanted to show me what the real stuff tasted like.

We've been through a lot in the past five years. My latest surgery aside, we've been through a few really bad colitis flares, buying a house, being inexplicably infertile then getting my endo diagnosed, his brother moving to Italy then moving back home, home renovations, the list is endless. I know that his commitment to me is so strong -- he's taken care of me through every illness with little complaint. I've been really demanding since coming home Friday and he just rolls with it.

Speaking of coming home. I was so absolutely exhausted that I slept most of Friday. The ride home was crazy bumpy and even though I was kitted out with a good pillow for my belly. I had no idea how bad the roads were until then! I was so wiped out that I couldn't even muster the energy to shower until Saturday morning. One of my girlfriends came to hang out with me while Mr. JB went grocery shopping. While I was in the hospital Mr. JB and his brother were surviving on take out -- something that we NEVER do when I'm healthy. It was great to have K around and she brought me some trashy magazines.

I had a really good night's sleep on Saturday, but I woke up on Sunday with some bad incision pain so Mr. JB had to bring me my pain meds in bed. I've been drinking a meal replacement drink in the mornings so I can take my medication and it's been really helping. Sunday afternoon my mom and one of my aunts came by. They didn't stay for very long because my aunt wanted to go shopping (this aunt doesn't drive so she really depends on my mom). I was kind of ticked because I could tell that my mom wanted to stay and tend to me.

Btw, my mom has been great since my surgery. We've had such a tumultuous relationship, but now that she has a particular task (i.e. taking care of me) she's totally in her element. She even apologized for not being at my house to shower me on Saturday! She's taken three weeks of holidays so she can come over and take care of me. She's already planned to work on my garden and iron our clothes! I wish she could be like this when I'm feeling strong and confident, but it's obvious to me that she has a hard time feeling useful in my life. I'm not a needy person when I'm not recovering from surgery, so I know that it's hard for her since she's a very nurturing person.

Anyhow, after my mom and aunt left a couple of hours passed and then ELEVEN family members showed up. I had requested one of my other aunt's fantastic won ton soup. I didn't expect it to show up this past weekend, but my aunt took the request seriously and dropped it by yesterday. I had missed a couple of family parties so my aunts, uncles and cousins decided to bring some of the party to me! It was great to see them, but I was pretty wiped out by the time they left.

Mr. JB laughed when they left that they seem to travel in packs. They did the same thing when we were getting ready for our wedding. Again, my family is really good when they're given a task. I'm sure if I were to call my mom and request food, a whole bunch of people will show up with enough provisions to feed a family of ten! I guess it's one of the perks of having a huge extended family.

So I'm feeling pretty good today. I finished my entire lunch today and I feel my appetite coming back. I've been feeling less incision pain, but that may be because I've been keeping ahead of it with the medication. And yes, I'm on oxycodone, not oxycontin! The doctor also gave me some N.aprocin (sp?) as an anti-inflammatory. I was also told to take a stool softener since the business has been slowed down by the meds and the surgery. I didn't take it last night because I thought that I would be okay, but I will not make that mistake again!!! My insides feel pretty raw and I think that I can feel where the endo was removed. My pelvis feels like it was scraped pretty well and whenever I pee my bladder just feels weird (the doctor did remove endo from my bladder too).

I think I'm going to work on going outside to my backyard tomorrow. I've been working on going back upstairs for my shower for the past hour. Mr. JB still has to help me get my bottoms on and putting lotion on my legs is nearly impossible. Small victories, right?

I'm starting to feel more energy to read and comment on your blogs. I don't want to bother Mr. JB with reading and commenting on your blogs for me anymore. He did a good job while I was in the hospital, but I'm ready to take that responsibility away from him. The poor guy is doing enough!

I want to thank all of you for all of your prayers and comments in the past week. You've helped me get through one of the hardest things that I've had to in our journey towards our baby. I feel so hopeful now. I haven't felt like this since we first got married and I had no idea what our issues were. I haven't felt positive in so long and it has to do with all of your support -- especially the amazing ladies that I met two weekends ago. I felt your prayers lift me up and even though so many of you are so far away, I knew you were with me in that scary hospital room. It's great to know that I have an army of strong women that are behind me. Take that endo!!!!

Just Saw The Doctor

Hello All,

The doctor came in minutes ago to tell us that all went well. All of the endo has been removed but JB will be on the L.upron for one more month. He wants her to stay on it to prevent a recurrence. Because of the L.upron treatment the endo was dry and easier to remove. He put i.nterceed wherever he found the endo. He removed (not drained) the cysts. He also removed three fibroids.

The stitches will dissolve and JB can begin treating the scar immediately.

Soon after yesterday's post, JB stopped hitting the PCA button less frequently and was soon able to sit up. She was moving around quite well. JB had solids for dinner and all the tubes were disconnected. She took t.ylenol th.rees but they weren't that effective. She was switched to o.xycontin. From about 4:00 this morning on, huge gas pain started. Pain killers do nothing for that. She went for a long walk around the floor this morning and then slept for an hour and a half.

JB is feeling better now and gearing up for a shower.

The doctor seems quite hopeful about our chances.

Thanks for all your Prayers. They are deeply appreciated.

JB's trying to keep up with your blogs but the reading is tough.

Thanks,

Mr. JB

New Update

Hello All,

JB had a good night's sleep. Her morning was fine until a nasty technician arrived to take blood. The experience was most unpleasant. JB asked for a butterfly needle and was made to feel guilty about it. To quote, "Other technicians spoil their patients." When JB asked for Kleenex, she was told the tech had none so she was given "scratchy" paper towel. The nurse said JB could refuse blood if a tech was nasty again.

After that the doctor's interns showed up and said that the surgery went very well. As soon as the adhesions were removed the fallopian tubes went back to the right spot. They weren't able to give many details because they were not in the operating room.

The PCA (the pain med pump) acted up and the machine wouldn't stop beeping. So the nurses had to call in other nurses and 3 anesthesiologists to look at it. During the commotion, JB received too much pain medication. She felt sick and out of it. She was given an anti-nauseant and weak and numb for over an hour. The nurse felt very bad. The catheter is removed and it was "THE WEIRDEST FEELING EVER." She has since walked twice to the washroom. The first time was very painful. JB had a good output from her bladder.

She is getting by on jello and a b.ooster j.uice (smoothie). She had a good blood count. The hemoglobin count should be at 100 and JB was at 110. There is no spotting. JB finally brushed her teeth and she was ecstatic about it.

The staff here is excellent, other than that tech.

Thank you again for your Prayers. They're greatly appreciated.

We'll report more after we talk to the doctor.

Thanks,

Mr. JB

P.S. They keep asking why she's on N.altrexone. They thinks she's a druggie.

P.P.S. They're was a shooting last night. No one could leave or enter the hospital. JB was safe up here on 15.

Surgery Update

Hello All,

Jelly Belly's surgery has been completed. It took just under two hours. She has been in her room since, roughly, 3:30. We have not spoke to the doctor. Jelly Belly is a great deal of pain and is working on her third cup of crushed ice. She's trying to sleep but it hasn't been working.

Thank you for all your Prayers.

That's all for now,

Mr. Jelly Belly

This is it folks!

So we're about to leave for the hospital and I don't know if I'll be able to update there personally. I'm going to ask Mr. JB to phone My Reality to update my condition and I'll also ask him to e-mail the girls I went away with this weekend.

The bowel prep was horrendous! Stuff was coming out both ends! After the second dose of stuff I was throwing EVERYTHING up.

I really just want all of this business done and over with.

Thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes. I'll blog more about my trip south with the ladies. It was exactly what I needed to get me ready for surgery.

The next time I post I'll be endo free! Woohoo!

Fix me

So we're off to see C.oldplay tonight. I am SOOO excited! It seems like the universe has aligned itself so I can have as much fun as possible before the 4th. I'm also off down south to meet up with some blog friends in real life! It's my first trip without Mr. JB and although I'm a little nervous about being away from home, I really need this trip.

Although I'll have my computer with me, I don't know how much internet time I'll have while I'm away. I can't wait to be around women that know EXACTLY what I'm going through.

I have no idea how to imbed videos here, so if you want a snippet of what we'll be enjoying you can go here.

A strange question

My surgery is a week from today and I'm surprisingly feeling zen about it. Perhaps it's because I've started the massive job of cleaning out my room of shame. I've talked about my room of shame before (see this post, if you're interested).

The very first time we visited our house I thought that this room would be our nursery. When I first moved into our home (I lived alone in our house for three months until we got married), the office (a.k.a. room of shame) was nicely organized and I was actually able to work in there. As our journey in the world of infertility continued, the room started to become more and more of a wreck. We started dumping stuff in the office whenever we had guests come over. I would put stuff that I just didn't feel like dealing with in the room. And in preparation for the basement reno, Mr. JB jammed as much stuff as he could in there.

So now, I've decided that since the rest of my house is looking pretty darn good (with the exception of my scary linen closet, I have to save that job for when I'm feeling well enough after my surgery), I knew that I couldn't put it off any longer.

I have found some really old paperwork that should've been shredded a LONG time ago. Honestly, did I really need to save electrical bills from 2004? Or pay stubs from my first year of teaching?

I still have hours of work left to do, but I had a strange question for all of you.

I think that I'm pretty prepared for my surgery. I've done my research. I've asked my questions. I even bought cute pyjamas for the hospital. I even booked my cleaning lady to make sure that my house is sparkling clean for when I get home.

So my dear friends, I would like to know do you have any inspirational songs that you can suggest for me? I figure that I will have a lot of time to listen to my i.Pod while in the hospital. I don't know if I'll have the energy to read and there's only so much television that I can watch! Also, do any of you have recommendations of audio books? I've never listened to one before, but I think that I should have some entertainment options.

I'm a high energy person, so I think that my recovery will be difficult for me. I've already suspended my yoga membership for the month of August since I know that I won't be able to do classes until school starts.

I realize that I probably will be too uncomfortable to want to do much, but I'm a type A planner. I want to have as many contingency plans possible!

Thanks in advance!

Rainbows

I absolutely love Sundays. Even Sundays where Mr. JB and I have to usher at church -- it's the one job that we've volunteered that I really don't like. The back of the church is way too loud and I always feel a bit strange when I have to take the collection.

But I digress.

I used to take a very difficult yoga class on Sunday afternoons, but I had to stop earlier this year because of a persistent injury I have in my left leg. I didn't feel too badly though because my favourite teacher started teaching a class on Monday nights that was still challenging, but not injury-inducing.

The past couple of weeks I haven't been feeling 100% so I decided to take the meditation class that my studio offers. I used to be the worst meditator in the world! I couldn't quiet my mind enough to relax, but finally after 10 years of practicing yoga, I can finally sit for half an hour in peace.

So during class today I decided that it was a good time to have a chat with God. I try really hard to have a clear head while meditating, but I was having a hard time shutting down this afternoon. I was telling Him that I was tired, so very tired, of all of this IF business. In between my silent rant I interspersed some "Hail Marys" to help me refocus and just before the half hour of silent meditation was over a very loud clap of thunder erupted over the yoga studio.

I didn't really think much of it. We had a very rainy day (among many, many rainy days in the past month) and at mass this morning a very loud crash of thunder happened right after the final blessing. It was perfectly timed for when the congregation says, "Thanks be to God." Our parish priest had a good laugh about it in the vestibule afterwards. It was like God was punctuating the mass with a very loud period!

So this evening on my way home after class I looked up at the sky to see a beautiful rainbow. When I was having my talk to God I asked him for a sign, for anything, to show me if things are going to be okay. I don't usually bargain with God that way, but as I told Him this afternoon, I'm at the end of my wits. I know that my mental state has been effected by the L.upron, but come on folks, it's been FOUR years.

Four long, long years.

I've decided that the rainbow is a sign. I have to be hopeful that my surgery will be successful. I have to continue praying that we will be parents. I have to be positive.

Perhaps something good has come of all this crazy rain that we've been having. What do you think?

Confessions

So I know that I've been a negligent blogger. I really don't have too much of an excuse since I am a teacher on summer vacation, married to a teacher who is also on vacation.

But I do have one, and I think that it's pretty good.

So friends, I've been really stressed out. Not for my upcoming surgery (more about that later), but for my summer. I've been trying to cram as much fun and relaxing and work into July that I can. I spent the first two weeks of July in just a crazy state (I was having heart palpitations!) over how little time I had before August 4th.

It's only July 24th and we've done quite a bit. We went to my fertile best friend's cottage, we hung out with Mr. JB's family and we went up north for our anniversary (and bought a time share -- a deal that we just couldn't pass up -- I'm sure that I'll have plenty to blog about that in the future!). We've spent the past week dealing with my bad stomach and finally getting the basement organized, and I feel pretty good about the progress that we've made.

I spent almost all of yesterday putting together my new office furniture in the basement. Mr. JB isn't the most handy guy and I.kea furniture just drives him around the bend! He was pretty helpful tightening stuff as I figured out the instructions, but his back has been bothering him so he had to take a lot of breaks. I'm heading back to my favourite furniture store today to get some more shelving and to figure out some more storage solutions that won't cost too much money. I'm looking forward to doing the trip solo since Mr. JB has plans this afternoon so I can take my time.

I had my pre-op/pre-admission appointment on Wednesday. I was afraid that I wasn't going to make it because my stomach was just horrible. We celebrated Mr. JB's mother 65th birthday by eating sloppy joes Tuesday night. His mom passed away in 1990 and every year since we've been married we've commemorated her birthday with the first meal that Mr. JB ever made. When he was 8 he complained that he didn't like what she made for dinner so she told him that he could make dinner the next night and he chose to make sloppy joes! It makes me so sad to see how much Mr. JB and his brother miss their mom. She was quite the remarkable woman, from what everyone tells me. She also raised two wonderful boys that talk about her almost daily. It also breaks my heart that my father-in-law, although he's been in a relationship for 14 years, still talks about her like she's in the other room, not passed away for almost 20 years.

Mr. JB tells me that he talks to his mom about helping God send us a baby. I do have to admit that I've talked to her to. She had endo as well (as I've mentioned before) and she went on to have three pregnancies, although one of them was an ectopic. I really wish that as I go through this experience that she was around so I could ask her questions since my mother isn't exactly forthcoming.

Anyhow, I had my pre-op appointment and everything went well with the exception of the technician that took my blood. I am afraid of needles. I know that I had to get over it when I had to give myself HCG injections, but when it comes to getting my blood taken it makes me feel sick. Nauseated even. So I calmly explained to the woman about my fear and I asked her if she could use a butterfly needle and she basically ignored me. So I knew that I had to just turn my head and grit my teeth. She kept on telling me to relax, but when she poked me it was painful. When she asked me if it hurt I told her yes. I wasn't going to lie! When she left the room I burst into tears and now I have an ugly bruise on my arm.

Argh.

I have good veins and I know this from getting my blood taken on numerous occasions. If she was a nice technician that wasn't a butcher I wouldn't have a bruise. I do admit to calling her a few choice names in my head. She deserved it.

It looks like I will be in the hospital for three days. Our insurance covers us for semi-private rooms, but I chose to spend the extra $75 a day on a private room. The last time that I was admitted I was in a room with three other people and it sucked! I really hope that I'm not in the maternity ward, but I was too scared to ask where I would be.

I'm scared. There's no way around it. Before my last surgery I was excited. I wanted a diagnosis and I thought that I would have some of the endo removed. Now that I've had three months to think about it, I've had the worst case scenarios running around my head. What if the doctor can't fix everything and he has to take out my uterus? What if it's so bad in there that even after the surgery we can't conceive? What if I have a reaction to the anaesthesia and die?

Don't worry, I've only worried about the last one a couple of times.

So that's where my head has been. Maybe being sick has been a way that my body is coping with all of the worry, or not coping. My bad stomach is always made worse by worry.

I'm off to lunch with a girlfriend that has no idea about our IF. I look forward to being able to talk to someone that will get my mind off of all of this craziness.

And crazy is exactly how I feel.

p.s. I'm going to have a pain med pump after my surgery. Is it sick that I'm excited about that??