19 January 2015

Searching for Hope

First off, I apologize for falling off the edge of the earth.


After my last post, I had A LOT to process, then Advent happened (and the ensuing family drama -- thankfully not from my own family of origin for a change), I started taking anxiety medication, had an incredibly stressful last week of school (which involved the death of a parent of a child that I had taught and a freak accident which resulted in one of my choir members sustaining a traumatic brain injury).


Yes, those meds came in handy.


I thank the Lord for my incredibly understanding Napro doctor.


So as I reluctantly enter my fortieth year (OMG), the Lord has surprised me once again.


Two weeks ago we were informed of a possible adoption match. Our social worker, who is new to the adoption world (she used to work mainly in fostering), had little information, but she did know that there was a sibling pair looking for a family. We met with her last week to discuss the boys who have fairly substantial needs -- one is high functioning autistic and the other is diagnosed (and medicated) ADHD. They're five and three.


We have spent the last week praying and discerning about whether or not these are our sons.


My heart is so unsure, as to be expected.


I thought that once I saw their photos that my heart would swell with maternal pride and I would say yes right away.


That was not my reaction.


Nor was it Mr. JB's.


What we are hopeful for is that we got a suggested match within a year.


We're in the process.


We're on their radar.


Although, in my heart of hearts I don't think that these boys are the right fit for our family, I know that our kids are out there.


At the end of 2014 I was feeling so hopeless. I was frustrated at the inertia of my life, and so soon into 2015, the wheels have started moving again.


He works in such mysterious ways. Just as I was ready to give up, He gives me a rope to hang on to.


Thank you Lord for not letting me give up.







18 comments:

  1. It definitely sounds like a rough few months! It sounds really difficult to determine whether those boys are the right fit for your family. Prayers for your decision!

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  2. Wait? What? Did I miss this?

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    1. You were part of thr text thread Sew!!!

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  3. I have a high functioning Autistic 3 year old boy. Not an easy life but God chose him for our family and now I am working out my salvation with this life God gave me. Text me if you want to chat about the ups and downs

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  4. I hear you - even if this isn't the right situation for your family, feeling that life is moving (and God is moving) is such a great source of hope (the good hope - not the one I always complain about!). Will be praying for you all as you find the next adventure God is calling you to this year.

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  5. I will pray for your discernment in this situation. I will also pray God brings your child/children to you soon.

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  6. It's so hard to say "No" to situations that come up but if it didn't feel right for you and your dh, then you made a good choice. Those boys will be found a good home, one that is right for them. That is great that you are seeing this opportunity as hope. I do believe God gives us hope when we feel so hopeless.

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  7. It is so hard to say "no", but keep hoping and trusting in God ~ it is so hard sometimes! I pray for you often, for you and your DH to become parents soon!

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  8. It takes a lot of courage and trust to decline an adoption opportunity but you are wise to pray and follow His leading on such an important decision. As always you are in my prayers. Hang in there.

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  9. I have goosebumps! Your kids our out there. You will be amazing parents, but as others have said, it takes courage to say no. To discern and listen to what is right for your family. Praying it's sooner than later!

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  10. That is indeed tough. I'm sorry to hear about that. However, I salute you for being a steely-eyed guardian, who appears to have stared down all those stumbles around you, enough to address them openly. Anyway, I hope that you get to propel things to another step. Don't worry, you will be granted all the desires of your heart in no time. All the best!

    Sabrina Craig @ Medical Attorney NY

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  11. You are so strong! I agree with the above comments...to do choose whichever you are at most peace with. The Holy Spirit will guide you♡

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  13. Reasons to Believe in Jesus

    Reasons to believe Jesus is alive in a new life with God can be found in quotes from two prominent atheists and a biology textbook.

    Thus the passion of man is the reverse of that of Christ, for man loses himself as man in order that God may be born. But the idea of God is contradictory and we lose ourselves in vain. Man is a useless passion. (Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness: A Phenomenological Essay on Ontology, New York: Washington Square Press, p. 784)

    Among the traditional candidates for comprehensive understanding of the relation of mind to the physical world, I believe the weight of evidence favors some from of neutral monism over the traditional alternatives of materialism, idealism, and dualism. (Thomas Nagel, Mind and Cosmos: Why the Materialist Neo-Darwinian Conception of Nature Is Almost Certainly False, location 69 of 1831)


    And certain properties of the human brain distinguish our species from all other animals. The human brain is, after all, the only known collection of matter that tries to understand itself. To most biologists, the brain and the mind are one and the same; understand how the brain is organized and how it works, and we’ll understand such mindful functions as abstract thought and feelings. Some philosophers are less comfortable with this mechanistic view of mind, finding Descartes’ concept of a mind-body duality more attractive. (Neil Campbell, Biology, 4th edition, p. 776 )


    Sartre speaks of the "passion of man," not the passion of Christians. He is acknowledging that all religions east and west believe there is a transcendental reality and that perfect fulfillment comes from being united with this reality after we die. He then defines this passion with a reference to Christian doctrine which means he is acknowledging the historical reasons for believing in Jesus. He does not deny God exists. He is only saying the concept of God is contradictory. He then admits that since life ends in the grave, it has no meaning.


    From the title of the book, you can see that Nagel understands that humans are embodied sprits and that the humans soul is spiritual. He says, however, that dualism and idealism are "traditional" alternatives to materialism. Dualism and idealism are just bright ideas from Descartes and Berkeley. The traditional alternative to materialism is monism. According to Thomas Aquinas unity is the transcendental property of being. Campbell does not even grasp the concept of monism. The only theories he grasps are dualism and materialism.


    If all atheists were like Sartre, it would be an obstacle to faith. An important reason to believe in Jesus is that practically all atheists are like Nagel and Campbell, not like Sartre.




    by David Roemer

    347-417-4703

    David Roemer
    http://www.newevangelization.info


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  14. I miss reading you blog. I hope you are doing well! Any updates with your adoption?

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  15. Jesus is with you, I'm sure. Wherever you are and whatever you think, He is supporting you every time. How is the process going, by the way? I hope everything is fine.
    Bless you,
    Vanessa Mindfellow

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  16. "I know that our kids are out there."...

    Yes! :)

    Isn't it amazing how, as we look back, God begins to put everything into perspective? My dear friend, one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me is you (and your willingness to hang in there as a friend even now - long after my "unofficial" departure from the blogosphere). I must confess to you that today is the first day in as long as I can remember that I've sat down and just read blogs... Reading to think of you. Reading to think of ALL of my sisters in Christ and on the journey... and to PRAY!!

    Judging by this post, it looks like you and I have much more in common than we have ever really known. I don't know if you'll see this comment. I hope so... and I might just nudge you on FB ;)

    Have you been praying about our recent blog conversation? I still sense God calling us to continue to share HOPE. Message me when you can.

    Much Love, T

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