18 May 2011

Hi God..., (with a new p.s.)

...it's me, JellyBelly,

First off, thank you so much for the break in the rain. I thought that I was going to lose my mind this morning when we woke up to another morning of the wet stuff. Indoor recess with 19 7 year olds is not fun. Ever.

I've been having one of those days. When I got to school one of my colleagues told me about the house that she is going to look at with her soon-to-be fiance. She mentioned that she didn't want to move in together before her wedding, but she wasn't sure if her fiance could afford to live in the house they want alone. She was trying to justify living together before marriage and it annoyed me so much! I had to bite my tongue and leave the room. I know that I shouldn't judge others, but it was so hard.

It also doesn't help that this particular colleague has been getting on my nerves. One of my students won a competition the other day and she was trying to take the credit by saying how much work she did with him in grade one. It really hurt my feelings since I've done a lot of work with him too!

Oh God, please give me more patience. I seem to be lacking.

I am also having a very hard time with my colleague's new pregnancy. Every day I see her, and we see one another a lot, I feel pangs of jealousy. I want so badly for a baby to grow in my womb. Haven't I been waiting long enough?

Lord, I am pleading with you for a break. IF has been a heavier than usual weight on my shoulders. I feel like you keep providing more answers, but it doesn't make it easier.

I feel so forgotten right now, Lord. I wish that I didn't, but I do.

Love,
JellyBelly

p.s. I attended my school's Confirmation this evening and the Bishop's words really stuck in my head. He said (and I'm paraphrasing, of course) that watching the young people of my school receive such an important sacrament is a reminder for us (the congregation) to become closer to Christ and remember our Confirmation. I remember my Confirmation night so clearly -- particularly because I was afraid that I was going to start speaking in tongues when I got anointed with the chrism! I'm holding fast to this cross Lord, but please be merciful on my impatient heart!

10 comments:

  1. that was supposed to say HUGS in there!!!!!

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  2. God has something great in store for you. Better than you can imagine right now. Still, I am so sorry to hear of your very real cross. Your post made me cry.

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  3. What a well-written and honest "letter" to God. He is with you especially on these rough days.

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  4. I love the format of your post (as a letter to God)! Hmmm... Makes me wonder what I'd write.

    I'm right there with you, my friend... Saw a young lady yesterday who had to be at least 7 or 8 mos along and my heart just ACHED. 6 1/2 years and counting...

    Big hugs!!

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  5. I really like this post. I'm praying right there with you.

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  6. Yes, PLEASE God! Answer JB's prayers (and ours) for get to become a mother!

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  7. Sorry.. "her" not "get". Darn auto-correct.

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  8. That is SO cute that you were worried you'd start speaking in tongues after receiving the gifts of the Spirit, lol!!

    I am lifting you in prayer, my cross feels heavy too, and I'm hoping it's because God is giving me a little of yours to help relieve you.

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