6 May 2011

Are we being mocked?

I got a second pg announcement yesterday, but at least I was mentally prepared for this one (it was the friend who got married in January, yes the one who wanted to start trying before her wedding!).

I smiled through dinner and I didn't cry until I got home.

Yesterday was a horrible, horrible day.

Mr JB thinks that the Lord is mocking us. He also said that if this continues that he's considering not going to church, but he relented when I got even more upset.

I usually count on my husband to be the stable one.

I am so sad. I feel spent. It also doesn't help that it's Mother's Day this weekend. And have I mentioned that Mr JB is the godfather for his cousin's baby who is being baptized on Sunday? Yes, the baby that precipitated the scandalous wedding.

I am feeling so abandoned. So forgotten.

How much longer do I have to wait? How many more prayers do I have to pray?

20 comments:

  1. Oh JB I'm so sorry, I would totally give you a hug and make you a big fat margarita!

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  2. I don't know, JB. I'm so sorry. I'm sending many prayers your way.

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  3. Ive been in your shoes many many many times.. and I find myself in them still. I dont know the answers, I dont understand the cross... it sucks, its awful, messy and completely unfair.
    Yet, I believe your day is coming, and I will cling to that hope for you when you cant.. and I will never stop believing your arms will hold a baby... because God is faithful, even in the storm.
    May your weekend be an abundance of peace & rest.
    Your in my prayers. <3 Jess

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  4. My heart is breaking. I am so sorry, JB.

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  5. 2 in a week! Seriously maybe you and mr.jellybelly need to take a "break" from seeing these people who are announcing their pregnancy news..oh but wait..how do you avoid that? I completely understand how you feel. I have been deciding if i want to go tomorrow with my DH to his nephews birthday. What can you do, obligation and constant social expectations always always put us in a tight space and we are expected to "grin and bear it" and then cry like crazy afterwards..Did i tell you i cried like a crazy nutcase right after i saw my SIL deliver her baby and of course saw the newborn. worst off the hallway was splattered with more baby pictures. Another reminder that i might never be able to put up my baby picture on that wall! Hang in there! Hope you will come out tomorrow for the yoga. I feel like crap too but i'm pushing myself to keep busy. Stay strong. All things happen for a reason to us and maybe the answer is just around the corner. HUGS AND LOVE ..i should bring a bottle of booze ..toronto sucks unlike montreal when you can drink alcohol anywhere!

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  6. Mr. JB's comments about being mocked and not going to church brought it all back for me. I've been there and I hate that you're there. It really doesn't make sense.

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  7. Like AYWH, it brought it all back for me, too. I hate that you're feeling this way. Praying you can get through the weekend!

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  8. I often feel like I'm being mocked and ridiculed too, thought if I started going to Church maybe things would get better, that's clearly not the case. I am so sorry. I don't know when your time will come or what God's plans are for you, but I do know, He will sustain you. xoxoxoxoxox

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  9. Oh, I am so sorry. That is so much to deal with. I pray you receive extra graces this weekend.

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  10. I am so sorry JB.
    I completely understand Mr. JB's thoughts.
    I am right there- standing in the trenches with you.
    Prayers for you today!

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  11. Looks like we are both having crappy days! I am really sorry- I feel bad complaining, when I have not been waiting as long as you. I feel your heartache though- I do.

    Sending you prayers and this feeling will pass. I will be praying for you tonight at the Healing Mass.

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  12. I hate that you're there. Because I'm there too and this spot sucks sometimes!!

    Two good friends delivering babies any day. And 3 new baby announcements all in one week, one of which got pregnant on their honeymoon.

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  13. My thoughts exactly.

    Yesterday was a horrible day for me, too, as you know.

    I was telling Sew that a good Catholic friend of mine was talking to me about my new house and said, "It's so interesting that the Lord lead you to a 7-bedroom home!!" I answered, "Yeah, interesting. Or ironic." She replied, "Well, the Lord isn't really in the business of being ironic."

    Sew said,
    "Clearly she hasn't read your blog!"

    Hahahaha ;)

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  14. Oh JB and MR. JB.....I am so sorry you are having a rough go of it lately, announcements never help, especially those who are not going about it the prayerful and correct way, bless your hearts. I certainly pray today that you won't have to wait much longer....

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  15. So many people have said it better than I could. I am sorry. Praying your day is coming SOON!!!! ((Hug))

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  16. Praying for you and mr. jb! Big hugs!!!

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  17. Aw, so sorry JB. :( My heart is breaking for you.

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  18. Ugh, I'm sorry. And with Mothers Day around the corner ... This is a bad week all around, it seems. I hear ya on the losing patience part. What else will you learn by waiting????

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  19. Have to say that there have been many times of despair when I haven't wanted to go to church for various reasons. I've been told that that is the time when it matters. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

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  20. JB, I just don't know. I'm so sorry. I can feel still feel the sting of infertility in my heart at times and it is so painful. I hate that you're going through this and I'll be praying so hard for you, and for everyone who is waiting, that your crosses may be lifted.

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