31 March 2011

Trying to find peace in my downward dog

Or pigeon pose. Or backbends (which make me very nervous, but I'm trying to work through that). Or even child's pose.

I forced myself to stop feeling sorry for myself last night and this evening and I went to class. Both were hard, but I'm so glad that I did it. I know that lack of exercise always messes up my head.

Before class tonight, the teacher and I were talking about the real estate market. She's been trying to sell her place privately for a while, and we all know about my recent real estate woes. J said that perhaps I needed to be more open to the possibilities. Perhaps we're just not meant to move -- trust me, the thought has crossed my mind. We have enough saved up for an international adoption or a down payment, but not both.

Sometimes the many choices paralyze me.

This weekend I'm heading to a yoga retreat with my lovely yoga friends. I'm going to eat vegan food, go on hikes and practice. I'm also going to take time to be quiet with my thoughts and pray. I've let my mind get to cluttered with my life and I need to sit still and pause. I hate to be away from Mr. JB, but I know that I need some time to be alone as well.

I also know that I need to sit with the sadness that has been taking over. I've tried too long to push it away and I am certain that is why it has become so overwhelming.

I will keep all of you in my prayers. I wish that I could take you all with me!

15 comments:

  1. I hope you have a very calm, relaxing weekend on your retreat!

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  2. Everything you say, just...makes me want to cry. I am so right there with you even though on the outside you probably just see this older mom who did have a child just in the nick of time. But for 10 years my sweetheart, my heart beat just like yours and I have found so much compassion and understanding in your blog posts. Your writings are so true. Everything you say....I really hope that healing is right around the corner for you. And, I understand how much you long for peace and something good to come your way. I believe that the perfect real estate deal is coming soon. That the last one fell through only so the PERFECT one could find you! I really do.

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  3. I hope you enjoy the retreat and that it is very peaceful and healing for you!

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  4. Awe what a great retreat! I would SOOOO come if I lived remotely near you. haha. That sounds so relaxing and needed. Adding you to my prayer list at mass this morning:)

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  5. That weekend sounds like a dream! Yoga and vegan makes me very happy.
    Talk over the choices with MR.JB. For us, the choice was oddly easy,but living a life without children was not an option for my dh, so small house, big debt and money for having babies.

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  6. Oooh...what a decision. A weekend of prayer sounds like just what the doctor ordered, with such a big choice facing you. I don't find myself saying this a lot lately, but I'm sure God will find a way to show you which path would bring you and your husband peace and joy.

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  7. I miss you much peace on your yoga retreat!

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  8. I mean.....I wish you.......although I will miss you too!

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  9. This retreat sounds amazing! You are making me think that I need some sort of retreat. Have a peaceful, relaxing time~ Praying for you.

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  10. Hi,
    I am a fellow Canadian doing the whole napro thing for over two years now. We have one child and are suffering from secondary infertility. This first baby is a napro baby too. He is four and and I am ten times his age. I, too, almost saw Dr. Nora but we weren't covered and that settled it. I would like to adopt but DH isn't convinced and all the while the clock is ticking and my anxiety grows. Seeing as you are totally into a healthy lifestyle, I thought you might be interested in the Weston Price Foundation. They are pretty anti-main stream but have research for all there dietary claims. There is a website, as well as, and a book called Nourishing Traditions. Anyways, I hope God will give you some peace this weekend, even if it be just for a few short hours...

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  11. Enjoy your retreat! I hope you find the peace that you deserve :)

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  12. I hope this retreat is just what you need to get back to yourself.

    I'll be thinking of you.... and being slightly jealous of you too!

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  13. I hope the retreat helps you feel better and that you and Mr. JB can find some peace in your decisions. Praying for you.

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  14. I hope you find some much-needed peace this weekend. A quiet weekend with lots of time to pray sounds perfect. :)

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  15. I hope you have a very relaxing, enjoyable yoga retreat with your friends, and I wish we could all be there too!

    Find some peace in that downward dog, girl.

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