29 August 2010

Firecracker

I've always been a high-energy person.

Or at least I used to be.

I thought that working in the big stinky city last month was a test to my system, but last week was even worse. I knew that going back to work after a holiday was going to be difficult, but two days of teaching a workshop was almost the end of me.

No, I wasn't teaching aerobics or an intense yoga workshop. I also wasn't the sole presenter. The most physically strenuous thing that I did was a few activities on a math carpet, although my body felt as though it had climbed Mount Everest. In one day.

I should be thankful that I've been too tired to sad about being infertile. I should be glad that Mr. JB feels so sorry for me that he has volunteered to help out at my school when he really should be working at his own (then again he's got the same grade AND the same classroom for the fourth year in a row, so he does have the time).

I cleaned out the refrigerator this afternoon and I had to take a two hour nap to recover. The entire job took two and a half hours because I decided to clean every shelf, drawer and crevice because it hadn't been done since we moved in (Mr. JB says that he did, but man cleaning isn't the same as woman cleaning, you get that girls, right?). I cannot believe how many jars of seafood sauce and olives that were in our fridge!

But I digress.

I could understand taking a little 20 minute snooze to celebrate, but two hours????

I see my Napro doctor on Wednesday and I pray that there is something REALLY wrong with me. I also hope that my adrenal results are enough to sound the alarm bells AND that my thyroid results are all wonky so I can get some more drugs! The homeopathic stuff that I've been taking has helped, but I'm still living in a fog.

I miss my energy. I miss having the drive that I used to have. I miss being able to accomplish jobs around my house without wanting to cry from exhaustion.

I want to be able to cook dinner for my husband, organize our closets and teach without having to collapse from the effort.

I know that a lot of the sadness and frustration that I have felt in the recent months are because of my overwhelming tiredness. I'm not used to having a foggy brain and I have never struggled to find words to express myself. The person that I am right now is not the real JellyBelly, not even close.

It's strange to want another diagnosis. It's sick to want more medication, but even if I never conceive I want to feel like a normal functioning human being!

For now, I'm going to have to slog through getting my classroom ready. I'm so thankful to have my cousin and a former student helping me out because there is no way that I could do it on my own!

Lastly, although I would rather stay home indefinitely, I am glad that we're going back to work so I can have routine back! Can you girls remind me that I wrote that when I'm complaining about being back to work in a couple of weeks?

14 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. There has to be an explanation to why you're feeling so tired. I get that way during the school year but generally at the beginning of the year there is a burst of energy to get things ready.
    I agree I look forward to the routine and relieved that I won't have the time to sit around and feel sorry for myself.
    Take care of yourself and I am glad you have people helping you out

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  3. I know what you mean about wanting to feel "normal" even if you never conceive. I have felt that way since the beginning... someone please just take away my TEBB, my post-peak Pasty, and my "irregularity," and I'll be golden!

    Good luck at your appt!!

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  4. I hope you feel better and that you get some productive results from the NAPRO doc Wednesday.

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  5. I will be praying for you! I want you to feel like your old energetic self again!!

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  6. I know what you mean. Over and above not having babies and not having the life and the vocation that you thought you'd have, no longer being the person you've always been is just too much. It feels like being 80 when you're supposed to be not quite 30 (in my case). I'm willing to be 80 in 50 or so more years - when I'll have my student loans paid off and not have to work and no one will expect anything of me other than to say wise things and knit antimacassars (I actually don't know what an antimacassar is or even if I'm spelling it right, but I figure that's something they tell you when you get old). It's not fair to have the health of an 80yo when you have a full-time job, a house to clean, a husband to feed, bills to pay, a social life to maintain, and a second full-time job as an infertility patient. However: I probably have enough evidence by now to conclude that nothing about this process is fair.

    FWIW, after getting a lot more thyroid I felt better - if not 100% like I used to. Maybe I just need to train for a marathon or something.

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  7. I totally understand how you are feeling but I promise you, it will get better. Now that I am back into a routine, I'm actually less tired...if that makes any sense. Of course, it was a bit overwhelming the first week but I realized that being lazy over the summer made me more tired. Now that I am actually on a routine, I sleep better. I'll pray for you dear:)

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  8. Busted A$$ thryoid and effed up adrenals! Strong words, but I hate them!

    I feel so much better then I used too. But dang girl, I crave that clearheaded (even though I'm 3/4 better) I want the whole shabang!

    Dying to see what your results are! ;) Dying!

    But I actually think it's worse for you because it wasn't too long ago that you had all of that energy and now you don't. It's been a gradual decline for me over the past 10+years. So I've never really know what "energy" feels like....This what I'm feeling now is so much better then what it used to be but man!

    So I'm sorry you are dealing with this....There should be a warranty on thyroids. ;)

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  9. First...my fridge and your fridge could be best buds with regards to the olives. I.Love.Olives.

    Secondly, I really hope that they are able to figure out what the heck is causing the excess fatigue. How frustrating that must be. I can't relate except for when I stayed up too late and had to be up early...but that is usually a choice made on my part. Anyways, I'm just rambling...I just hope they can figure something out.

    Goodluck with the school year! I'm sure you will do great!! :) What grade do you teach? (I may have seen this in a post but forgot...).

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  10. get your numbers and post them with ranges!

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  11. I can completely relate. Tired, brain fog, . . .
    I've tried adrenal supplements with no success. I'm on thyroid meds but don't see much lasting change. I wonder if this is just something I have to accept and live with.
    But,. . . I highly encourage you to keep searching for answers. I'm praying you will feel better real soon.

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  12. Wow, my comment sure sounds pessimistic! Sorry!
    But I did mean to sincerely encourage you. :)

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  14. I am in the same place as you. Waiting for my thyroid & adrenal tests and hoping that they are all over the place so I can get some meds fast. I am at a point if I something doesn't change I will be quitting my job soon.
    I hope you get some answers from your Napro Doc. and come back with all kinds of meds that will make you feel better.

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