Firecracker

I've always been a high-energy person.

Or at least I used to be.

I thought that working in the big stinky city last month was a test to my system, but last week was even worse. I knew that going back to work after a holiday was going to be difficult, but two days of teaching a workshop was almost the end of me.

No, I wasn't teaching aerobics or an intense yoga workshop. I also wasn't the sole presenter. The most physically strenuous thing that I did was a few activities on a math carpet, although my body felt as though it had climbed Mount Everest. In one day.

I should be thankful that I've been too tired to sad about being infertile. I should be glad that Mr. JB feels so sorry for me that he has volunteered to help out at my school when he really should be working at his own (then again he's got the same grade AND the same classroom for the fourth year in a row, so he does have the time).

I cleaned out the refrigerator this afternoon and I had to take a two hour nap to recover. The entire job took two and a half hours because I decided to clean every shelf, drawer and crevice because it hadn't been done since we moved in (Mr. JB says that he did, but man cleaning isn't the same as woman cleaning, you get that girls, right?). I cannot believe how many jars of seafood sauce and olives that were in our fridge!

But I digress.

I could understand taking a little 20 minute snooze to celebrate, but two hours????

I see my Napro doctor on Wednesday and I pray that there is something REALLY wrong with me. I also hope that my adrenal results are enough to sound the alarm bells AND that my thyroid results are all wonky so I can get some more drugs! The homeopathic stuff that I've been taking has helped, but I'm still living in a fog.

I miss my energy. I miss having the drive that I used to have. I miss being able to accomplish jobs around my house without wanting to cry from exhaustion.

I want to be able to cook dinner for my husband, organize our closets and teach without having to collapse from the effort.

I know that a lot of the sadness and frustration that I have felt in the recent months are because of my overwhelming tiredness. I'm not used to having a foggy brain and I have never struggled to find words to express myself. The person that I am right now is not the real JellyBelly, not even close.

It's strange to want another diagnosis. It's sick to want more medication, but even if I never conceive I want to feel like a normal functioning human being!

For now, I'm going to have to slog through getting my classroom ready. I'm so thankful to have my cousin and a former student helping me out because there is no way that I could do it on my own!

Lastly, although I would rather stay home indefinitely, I am glad that we're going back to work so I can have routine back! Can you girls remind me that I wrote that when I'm complaining about being back to work in a couple of weeks?