23 August 2010

Return to Reason

So the scandalous wedding is over.

Praise Jesus.

My post-barley eating incident left me with a gluten hangover the next day and I continued to be in a daze into the early afternoon. What fun. It was tough having to get ready without Mr. JB since he was at the groom's parents' house getting ready with the other groomsmen. I didn't share my angst about the wedding with my brother-in-law because he seemingly didn't have a problem with the bride's predicament AND I didn't want to get into an argument with him.

To top it all off my BIL asked me to help out during the ceremony. Not only was I a Eucharistic Minister, but I also had to organize the parents with the offertory gifts. I know that it wasn't an accident that I had to be on the altar during the mass, and I'm sure that the Lord had a few chuckles at my expense, but I was definitely humbled.

Which brings me to my revelation at the reception.

The wedding was beautiful. The bride is an event planner so it did not seem like a wedding that was thrown together in two months. There was more than one comment during the speeches at the sheer magnitude of having to renovate a new home, plan a wedding and also anticipate the birth of one's first child in such quick succession.

There were also quite a few snickers and winks around the reception hall.

That's when it hit me. I was so wrapped up in my jealousy and anger (I so need to go to Confesssion!!!) that I didn't realize something: this bride didn't get the wedding she wanted. I was able to be the blushing bride that got to enjoy the year of basking in my engagement. I got to pick out my wedding dress, choose the dresses with my bridesmaids, have bridal showers and the other celebrations related to wedding planning without pressure.

I did not have to make any rushed decisions. I did not have to become a task master and boss my family and friends around (there was more than one comment about that during the speeches as well!) so I could have the wedding that I dreamed of. In fact, my friends and family went out of their way to help me and I really didn't do as much as other brides do.

And most of all, I had not one feeling of shame on my wedding day.

No one looked across the dinner table and winked because of the circumstance of my wedding. No one made a comment about how my dress was hiding my growing bump. No one thought that my wedding was scandalous.

So when I woke up on Sunday morning I prayed for them, particularly the bride. I would not want to start my marriage with so many stressors. We got to enjoy being newlyweds in our new house. Our family and friends were overjoyed that we finally got to share our lives together. I got to put away all of my wedding gifts and use my new things (my mother wouldn't let me use any of the new things that I got until after the wedding, some strange superstition she has).

I still so incredibly envious, don't get me wrong. I wish with all of my heart and soul that I could be pg as well, but I know that the Lord has given Mr. JB and I this time to build our relationship. I am so thankful for a husband that is 100% supportive of all that I do (for example, he got up early this morning to help me bring all of my workshop materials to where I was teaching today then he picked me up and helped me in my classroom afterwards!). When our child finally comes into our lives we will not have to worry about our relationship because we have a solid foundation.

I hope and pray that Mr. JB's cousin and his new wife will have a happy life together, but it isn't going to be easy. It was hard enough for us to get used to living together in the best circumstances! We know that the trial of IF has made us a stronger couple, and hopefully this current trial in their lives will do the same for them.

As for me, I have put aside my bitterness and I've decided to pray for them. I know how to pray and being angry was just taking too much energy. And we all know that adrenally fatigued JellyBelly doesn't have any extra energy to spare.

So there.

17 comments:

  1. What a great attitude you have... and you're right, she did not get the wedding she probably always dreamed of (I mean, who really dreams of being fully pg in their wedding gown?) Your prayers for her family I'm sure are much appreciated, and are a sign that you have risen above the jealousy and bitterness that we all fall prey to from time to time.

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  2. Oh, wow, you have humbled me just by my reading of this post! Thank you, I needed that! I've got a lot to work on....

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  3. I love your change of heart, pure grace from God.

    I would hope that I could have your attitude if I were in that situation.

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  4. No kidding, I agree with Leila. I feel like a little kid reading the words of a saint! Your words and thoughts are truly inspired. Praise God!

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  5. You have a wonderful attitude! Isn't it funny how humility often just smacks us upside the head?

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  6. Wow!! What an amazing outlook!

    As someone who myself had a scandalous wedding (I was not pregnant obviously, but still), I can say that I would give anything to have done it differently. She might already regret it or will one day. Even after confession, there are lasting effects of doing it the "wrong way" (and, of course, I'm not just talking about the wedding but what happens before it). You really hit the nail on the head the way you described it. Great post!!

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  7. how very adult of you! this post did not go where i thought it was going to, and for that i'm glad to have gleaned a bit of wisdom from it. i've thought the similar things in weddings in our lives recently, but probably not as humbly. way to turn this situation on its head and put it on the right angle. (hope that made sense).

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  8. Your "ah-ha" moment...how beautiful! Hits ya like a ton of bricks, doesn't it?! ;)

    As for the whole not using the gifts before, my Gm was the same way!! Looking back, I'm glad I didn't though because it was so fun to use them together as husband and wife!

    Anyways, your post was beautiful and reflects a bit of how I've been feeling and thinking lately. We gotta keep looking at that bigger picture and trusting!! I'm praying for you!!

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  9. You're amazing and what a great attitude to have.

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  10. It's always hard to accept a pregnancy especially an unplanned one, I'm so glad that you've found this new place in your heart!

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  11. Good for you woman! Yay! Just think of how much this pleases God:)

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  12. Perfect revelation, makes much sense. The grass always seems greener initially, but when you dig deeper...I am proud of your insights, I know that was a tough situation to be in!

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  13. Great post and even greater insight! This made me think of an experience I had last Saturday in confession (not totally related, but somewhat in terms of bitterness, etc.) The said "Whenever a person comes to me upset, angry, accusing, I try to take a step back from what they are saying to me (or about me) and try to focus on how to help them heal, as there is some hurt there." I sat there looking at him with a blank stare on my face - my usual gut reaction in these same situations is to defend myself, or rationalize my behavior, etc. It has made me think about my reactions and this post further cemented the need to look beyond the obvious. Thanks JB and I am glad you are back! :) (Well, I am sorry for the unfortunate barley incident!)

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  14. You definitely have a wonderful, compassionate attitude.

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  15. What a wonderful attitude change! I agree with Leila and SC about your humbling reminder.

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  16. Great attitude! :) I'm glad the wedding went well, and your post made me think that we should all pray for those who are in situations like that, it's not ideal for anyone...

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  17. This is such a beautiful, true post. I feel for her, too, actually. You know, the one consolation I always had throughout my infertility (although sometimes it can cut both ways, too), is that it wasn't my fault. My IF was never because of something I did, or did not do, but rather something that happened to me for some unknown reason. God allowed it, but I did not necessarily "deserve" it bc of anything I had done. (the devil sometimes tries to whisper lies in our ears to the contrary but they are just lies).

    This bride is in the predicament she is in bc of her choices.

    You are doing right to pray for her. Your day will come, and when it does, it will be that much sweeter because of your long, purifying wait.

    I also wanted to say I totally agree with you on using the new stuff only as husband and wife. I for one will NEVER forget that beautiful day when we returned from our honeymoon together, drove home from the airport, and he carried me over the threshold to our new home, where all of our unopened gifts awaited us. (well it was a 600 sq foot condo but I didn't care! It was ours together!). It was the first night we spent together as husband and wife in our new home. Those first few months we felt like little kids playing house. It was AWESOME!!! One of the sweetest memories of marriage, by far. She will never have that, which is sad.

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