So the scandalous wedding is over.
My post-barley eating incident left me with a gluten hangover the next day and I continued to be in a daze into the early afternoon. What fun. It was tough having to get ready without Mr. JB since he was at the groom's parents' house getting ready with the other groomsmen. I didn't share my angst about the wedding with my brother-in-law because he seemingly didn't have a problem with the bride's predicament AND I didn't want to get into an argument with him.
To top it all off my BIL asked me to help out during the ceremony. Not only was I a Eucharistic Minister, but I also had to organize the parents with the offertory gifts. I know that it wasn't an accident that I had to be on the altar during the mass, and I'm sure that the Lord had a few chuckles at my expense, but I was definitely humbled.
Which brings me to my revelation at the reception.
The wedding was beautiful. The bride is an event planner so it did not seem like a wedding that was thrown together in two months. There was more than one comment during the speeches at the sheer magnitude of having to renovate a new home, plan a wedding and also anticipate the birth of one's first child in such quick succession.
There were also quite a few snickers and winks around the reception hall.
That's when it hit me. I was so wrapped up in my jealousy and anger (I so need to go to Confesssion!!!) that I didn't realize something: this bride didn't get the wedding she wanted. I was able to be the blushing bride that got to enjoy the year of basking in my engagement. I got to pick out my wedding dress, choose the dresses with my bridesmaids, have bridal showers and the other celebrations related to wedding planning without pressure.
I did not have to make any rushed decisions. I did not have to become a task master and boss my family and friends around (there was more than one comment about that during the speeches as well!) so I could have the wedding that I dreamed of. In fact, my friends and family went out of their way to help me and I really didn't do as much as other brides do.
And most of all, I had not one feeling of shame on my wedding day.
No one looked across the dinner table and winked because of the circumstance of my wedding. No one made a comment about how my dress was hiding my growing bump. No one thought that my wedding was scandalous.
So when I woke up on Sunday morning I prayed for them, particularly the bride. I would not want to start my marriage with so many stressors. We got to enjoy being newlyweds in our new house. Our family and friends were overjoyed that we finally got to share our lives together. I got to put away all of my wedding gifts and use my new things (my mother wouldn't let me use any of the new things that I got until after the wedding, some strange superstition she has).
I still so incredibly envious, don't get me wrong. I wish with all of my heart and soul that I could be pg as well, but I know that the Lord has given Mr. JB and I this time to build our relationship. I am so thankful for a husband that is 100% supportive of all that I do (for example, he got up early this morning to help me bring all of my workshop materials to where I was teaching today then he picked me up and helped me in my classroom afterwards!). When our child finally comes into our lives we will not have to worry about our relationship because we have a solid foundation.
I hope and pray that Mr. JB's cousin and his new wife will have a happy life together, but it isn't going to be easy. It was hard enough for us to get used to living together in the best circumstances! We know that the trial of IF has made us a stronger couple, and hopefully this current trial in their lives will do the same for them.
As for me, I have put aside my bitterness and I've decided to pray for them. I know how to pray and being angry was just taking too much energy. And we all know that adrenally fatigued JellyBelly doesn't have any extra energy to spare.