26 September 2010

Distracted Discernment

There have been so many thoughts going around in my head in the past week since I wrote my last post. I knew that after five years of IF that completely changing my focus on how to build my family wasn't going to be something easy to do.

It also doesn't help that last week was so crazy busy. Not only am I planning a completely new grade, but we also had our open house barbecue and First Communion info meeting PLUS I had the cold to end all colds. Did I also mention that Mr. JB and I took part in a walk-a-thon for our local food bank?

It's the end of September and I already need a vacation.

I've also limited our computer access by moving the laptop to the basement. I was spending too much time (read: I was wasting time on Face.book!) on it and I thought that putting in the office would help me focus. I have been reading the blogs, but I haven't been commenting much. I knew that taking a break would be difficult, but being a lurker is kinda fun.

Mr. JB and I have discussed infant adoption briefly in the past week. His reaction was pretty funny when I announced to him that I wanted a baby. For some reason his first reaction was that I wanted to do IVF! He was very relieved to find out that I was talking about infant adoption.

I've been leaning towards international adoption since I really want a child that sort of looks like me. I know that adopting from the P.hilippines (where my family is from) is difficult and can take a long time, but I feel that is where my heart is leading me. I'm also curious about adopting from K.orea and Ch.ina, and we know couples that have adopted from both places.

I need to dedicate some time into some research. We haven't completely disregarded domestic adoption and there is an agency that I'm curious about in our city. Do any of you have any advice where we should start?

I don't know if I'm making any sense. I'm exhausted and I need to go to bed!

19 comments:

  1. I don't really have any concrete advice, but I think that if you are prayerfully discerning God's will with a well informed conscience (which you are!), God will tug your heart in the right direction. I am praying for you during this discernment process!

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  2. I think we are both at that same point right now. We are only pursuing local adoption as we can't afford international adoption, and Australia is incredibly restrictive on adoption.

    If this is what you want, then go for it. Definitely investigate all of the options though - you never know what will work for you guys xxx

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  3. Oh, man! Danya (He Adopted Me First) has two girls adopted from China and one boy from Korea! She is passionate about international adoption (she also recently adopted from Ethiopia), and would LOVE to help answer questions!

    Go to www.headoptedmefirst.blogspot.com

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  4. I am a long time lurker...

    International adoption is NOT for the faint of heart. We are currently pursuing an adoption from China. We have been 'in line' for 4 years. We anticipate another 3-4 year wait.

    China is currently processing people who got 'in line' in May of 2006. It is a SLOW line...

    We are in the Toronto area and if you have any China related questions, we have learned a LOT in the last few years.

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  5. Good luck in the discernment process. I have no advice, but I'll be praying for you and Mr. JB.

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  6. Lurker here. The Philippines is in desparate need of help for its childre. I myself did not know how bad the problem was until our third order chapter (with others in our province) started raising 'milk money'; money to send to sisters in the Philippines to buy powdered milk --because if we ship them powdered milk it would get black marketed very quickly and not make it to the children--- for the hundreds of street orphans they care for and feed. So many children are living on the streets and are at risk for kidnapping, child slavery and unimaginable things. I am not sure of the adoption process from the Philippines but some online research could help you, I'm sure. These are things that do not make the news here, sadly. Good luck and God bless.

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  7. This is VERY exciting.....I know your just in the research phase, but its still amazing. Maybe now that you feel your moving in a new direction will give you the motivation you have been searching for?!?! I guess we never know what path we are meant to go down, but I am sure the research will lead you somewhere!

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  8. My advice for you would be to attend informational meetings for different agencies and you may feel God calling you in a particular direction. That is what we did. It is great to be informed of all the options. God really speaks to your heart through the presentators, if you are open to His Will.
    Also, feel free to check out my blog and our journey through both foster care and domestic adoption.

    andrewandjuliesadoptionstory.blogspot.com

    In Christ,
    Julie

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  9. Hi!

    I live in Mexico city and I am very close friends with 3 couples that did adoption in Latin America. All less than 5 years ago.

    If you want I can introduce you to them. All very Catholic, very serious and with succesful adoptions.

    One is Mexican and adopted in Colombia 2 children as newborns (the mother of the wife was Colombian). The first adoption took some time due to their lack of knowledge of the process, but the second was less than a year. Thay to stay in Colombia for 2 weeks to a month until the proceedings were finished.

    The other 2 adopted in Mexico:

    One is from Belgium and moved here to adopt. They just received a beautiful baby girl from a very serious Catholic agency. From what I understand you need to stay here for the proceedings, so people move here for a year. They give English classes or rent their houses back home, etc, but you are basically guartanteed a baby and the acutal adoption cost is less than 2000 USD for legal matters. If somebody asks for money it will be illegal.
    For them it was 10 months during which they took the courses, learned Spanish (not a must) etc. Once the baby is one year old they can start the adoption proceedings for another. They were given a timeframe of more than 5 years to adopt in Europe and mosly older children, so they took this step.

    The other couple is Mexican/Spanish: Their first adoption was a little girl from El Salvador. This was a hard adoption due to the laws from Spain (they were there) and there was a legal matter with her. For the second and 3rd adoption they moved to Mexico. Now they have also a baby boy and they are awaiting another baby any day now. They might also go for the 4th, but laws are becoming stricter.

    Mexico normally has closed adoption and 2 types of agencies: governement and private. Most private are Catholic and help pregnant women in distress. The women stay in shelters and a percentage give the babies up so they get prenatal care. About 80% keep them and the rest give them up for adoption. I am on the waiting list of one of them and can ask what is needed for international.

    You can read in English about another serious agency (also no cost)with slightly older children. this is Monterrey: http://www.filios.org/

    As abortion has just become legal in a few states this is sadly hurting the adoption processes, but it still can be done. LEt me now if I cna be of help this side of the continent

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  10. I am glad you are starting to look more seriously at adoption!! I wish my DH was ready :(

    I read not too long ago that Phillipines is quick comparred to other countries and that tthose of Fillipeno descent are even quicker to adopt there. Sounds like an awesome start to me. See if you can get a two for one special for us too :)

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  11. Hey JB, why don't you come visit me in the USA? I'll guarantee a quiet house... :)

    As for adoption, my husband and I began with talking to an agency that did both domestic and international adoptions. The representative was very up front with us and answered all questions. No strings attached; he didn't call to follow up or anything. We truly felt like it was information gathering and appreciated the hands off approach. Then we started talking to friends who adopted internationally and the same agency was mentioned multiple times. We made an appointment with that agency and she was very up front with us. Again, never any pressure.

    We wanted to stick with international adoption due to its finality (just our preference; every couple is different). South Korea, once you've completed the paperwork, has about a 9-month wait. That appealed to us as well. The more we prayed about it, the more we felt drawn there.

    You'll be in my prayers. :)

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  12. We have two Chinese daughters, a Korean son and an Ethiopian son. The China program is a mess right now as noted by an earlier poster M and M. Korea is still a solid program but ET is the fastest. Korea was more restrictive in terms of it's requirements but it was really great to just go to the airport to pick up our son (without having to leave our other children). He was also in GREAT shape since they use foster care there instead of orphanages. 'Just my two cents!

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  13. I wish there was some group that comes together in toronto to discuss "adoption" both domestically and internationally for people like us to share our own experiences or would like to learn more about the adoption process from otheres. If anyone does know of such a group please let me know.

    I think it is great you are considering your options and looking into adoption. Keep me posted on what you learn. I've always wondered what decision i would make one day if i do have to look into adoption and if i prefer domestic or international. But i totally understand that you would like to adopt a baby who is from your own culture..wishing you luck on your journey to become a parent!

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  14. Praying for you while you figure it out! Keep us updated. :)

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  15. I have a copy of the Ultimate Insider's Guide to Adoption. It was a part of the Stirrup Queen's book club. It was a good read, most of it is geard to Americans, but it answered lots of questions. You are totally welcome to borrow it if you want.

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  16. I'd be glad to talk to you more about Korea, too. You'd most likely be bringing home a one-year-old, and the wait would be affected by the agency you use and whether you adopt a boy or a girl (if the agency makes you choose).

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  17. My husband and I attended an adoption workshop in Mississauga, held by the Adoption Council of Ontario www.adoption.on.ca click on the events tabs and there is a list of info session dates and locations. It helped us. Also check out: adoptontario.ca you can find info on different types of adoption and international adoption agencies in ontario. Good luck!

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  18. Hi there!
    Funny you should mention the Philippines... We had just had an interview with an agency about adoptions from there.

    Currently, there is a moratorium on adopting Filipino infants/babies. This is a new statement from ICAB (from this year) because of the backlog of files. However, the program (for toddlers and up) is very stable, even if the process is long. So, right now, prospective parents are prepared for a toddler (3+).

    Also, you'll need some extra requirements that wouldn't be in your homestudy (if you've gone through the Ontario system): a psychological assessment (with no indications of depression/anxiety); additional letters of reference (the forms from the Ontario homestudy aren't sufficient, and you'll need one from your priest).

    I think that's all I remember. We're still not sure if we'll be pursuing an adoption from the Philippines, but feel free to email me if you have any other questions.

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  19. I am chiming in on this late. As others have said, through prayer God WILL guide your heart to the right place. We prayed alot, attended agency information meetings and joined international adoption groups on yahoo forums. There is a list of agency ratings on the internet too. Good Luck!

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