I hate Labour Day.
For so many reasons.
I have been trying not to think of yet another Labour Day that is about to pass without a child in my arms. I have been trying not to think of just a few Labour Days ago that I thought that I would surely be staying home -- for good.
But this Labour Day is different. I'm not recovering from surgery. I'm not in pain and I have thankfully been taking H.ydrocort since last Friday. I'm definitely not 100%, but at least I'm not a hopelessly tired person that is trying her best to hold it together! I did feel an energy slump yesterday around lunch, but we had just eaten a huge breakfast and I always feel sleepy after a big meal. I had another slump today, but I was able to drive all the way home from my father-in-law's place which was no mean feat in traffic AND a manual transmission!
My biggest guess is that I'm going to need more than 5mg to get me through the day, but we'll have to see how I feel after a day of teaching. It's one thing to be tired when at home or entertaining, but actually using my brain is a totally different story.
Yesterday was an interesting day. My brother-in-law invited a whole bunch of friends and family over to my FIL's place for a barbecue. He's returning to Rome to finish his degree in Canon Law so it was his last chance to see everyone before the 14th. The house was full of babies and little children and although I felt the familiar pangs of sadness, I had a lot of fun playing with the little kids. One of the most interesting games seemed to be "chase Auntie JellyBelly around the back yard." It seemed like every child chased me around and tried to catch me, great practice for teaching gym to my class!
I would like to believe that this will be my last anxious Labour Day post. I would like to believe that I am not going to continue to be barren this time next year.
But I can't.
I do feel like I'm on the cusp of something new. The adoption paperwork has been calling my name and I know that it is almost time to crack open the envelope and be brave. I'm tired of living in limbo and the promise of what could be if...
So Happy New Year to all of you out there. I'm too tired to be anxious or nervous. My back to school dress is hanging in the closet and I've even packed extra flats just in case I get sore feet (which will inevitably happen!). All I have to do is say my prayers and go to sleep so that's where I'm off to now!