1 December 2013

The Ambivalent Infertile

I didn't fall off do the face of the earth. 

I've spent the past little while trying to pretend that IF wasn't a part of my life. 

Yes, I'm still charting and half-a$$edly doing treatment (mostly because I can't bring myself to say no to my beloved Napro doctor). 

Our homestudy still isn't done. Mostly because I just can't bring myself to make the last appointment for our home visit. 

Yup, I am certain that a little more therapy is in order. 

One of my Advent promises is to blog more often. I need to move on from the ambivalence I've been feeling. 

I'm not good at trying to feel nothing. 

Not only am I trying to prepare my heart for the coming of the baby Jesus, but I need to rid my infertile heart do the cobwebs I've let grow. 

Thank you to all of you have checked in and asked for updates. I've continued to pray for you all.

I guess I have missed my little corner of the internet.....


  1. Hugs and prayers to you. I've thought of you so often. May you be filled with peace this Advent season.

  2. Missed you here! IF is such a great sorrow. But it can easy to stay in the same place since it becomes your normal. But having children is a great blessing (although difficult in a different way) it can bring your closer to Christ.

  3. Glad to have you back! I know what you are talking about though..IF can be so hard.

  4. Hey, do what you need to do. I'm glad to hear there's been no crisis. But while the IF blogosphere helped me feel not-crazy and not-alone when I first started blogging, in later years, I've needed to limit signing on to when I have EXTRA emotional energy - for the ten million baby pictures, and for the re-immersion into the struggle. The little distractions of an ordinary life have really been therapeutic for me. (You know - those little distractions I always considered frivolities that demanded mortification so that I could be "in the world, but not of the world." Being perpetually unhappy with no distractions isn't an answer, because then I hate God. You can't win; I've stopped trying.) So what I'm trying to say is - while I'd love seeing more of you on here, come if it helps, not if it doesn't, you know? And, I still have a button on my sidebar about the challenges of Christmas for infertiles. I think every pastor in the world should read it. Better still if every pastor could have WRITTEN it. And helpful to read, I find - that someone understands, that we're not just mental defectives. It really is hard.

    Have a blessed Advent - we're in our element with the waiting part, right? :)

  5. You know what? We just have to pray a 54 day rosary novena together sometime! I prayed with another friend and she got pregnant, but I didn't. Do you have a 54 day rosary novena book? I might have an extra and could send you one! Email me your address! Please know that I care very much and know your heartache. You are NOT alone. It is so difficult when others are able to get pregnant, but years go by and our arms and hearts are still empty. I know because I really want to be a Mama too, but I think it's impossible - I am forty seven now, the stupid endometriosis stage four was NOT even diagnosed until I was forty one and newly married, and now they say my hormones are post menopausal. I still want to be a Mama so much. Maybe I can't, but maybe you and others here still waiting, will be able to be Mothers. Please allow me to pray for you. I love to pray for others!

    I just wanted to add that if anybody needs prayers (and if you would like to request a free St. Gianna prayer card), please visit me over at my blog, leave a comment, and I will pray for you! If you would like the free St. Gianna prayer card, you can email me with your address and I will be more than happy to send you one! Hope to meet some of you and make some new blogger friends! I could really use some hugs and prayers myself! Thank you so much!

    Maria In Mass

  6. I've been thinking of you and praying for you often. Glad to see you back.

  7. Glad you're back! And sending lots of prayers your way.

  8. I second the misfit. I love reading your posts, but only do what is good for you right now. You'll be in my prayers no matter what.

  9. I still think of you and pray for you. IF is SO hard. May God bless you and carry you.

  10. Welcome back! <3

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