16 November 2011

Canada Here We Come!

I apologize for not updating yesterday. I cannot believe how tiring it was to be a passenger that got to sleep most of the way (thankfully I was asleep since Iowa wasn't the most exciting state to drive through!). I am so grateful that Mr. JB didn't mind that I was comatose for most of the trip.

I'm also glad that I waited a day to post after my appointment with Dr. Hilgers. I was an emotional wreck after seeing him. I recognize now that I am over-tired, in pain and have been away from home for longer than I thought we would be, but that reality didn't hit me until yesterday.

Dr. Hilgers was late for our 1:30pm appointment which was first since arriving in Omaha -- waiting is normal in doctor's offices back home, but we waited for nothing at CUMC and PPVI. Apparently he had a really long surgery (probably someone that had a 6 1/2 whopper that I had!) so we didn't see him until almost 2:30pm. I'm sure that the Lord wanted to show us that our waiting was not over!

He went over the DVD of my second-look lap and Dr. Hilgers was almost giddy, which I take as a good sign. It was hard to watch the bloody parts since I am so squeamish. It was great to see how adhesion-free my insides were, particularly since the surgery pictures from the first time around were pretty gross! Dr. Hilgers was so happy that the dye flowed through each of my tubes and that everything looked good (to my untrained eye it didn't, but according to him it did!). The one thing that he mentioned more than once was that he probably should've removed the right ovary which was most likely damaged from my first laparatomy. The right tube is now open and he did say that it could still ovulate so I am very glad that he didn't remove it.

Seeing the DVD also helped me understand why I am in so much pain! It is amazing how much work he did inside of me. It is still unbelievable that I am now endo and adhesion free!

Dr. Hilgers also mentioned that I had some inflammation in my rectum (eewww!) that he is going to treat to antibiotics. At the end of our appointment he asked if we had any questions and I asked the biggest question of my life, "So what are our chances now?"

And he said, "Fifty percent."

My heart fell. I tried to keep the tears at bay because I didn't want to ugly cry in front of him. Logically, after having a day to digest the information I know that we had no chance before my surgeries with him -- Dr. Hilgers said as much. We have a 50% chance without any meds, which is miraculous enough in itself. Now that I am his patient, we have a much better chance at conceiving. I am not doubting my Napro doctor back home, but this is the big Kahuna!

Mr. JB has reminded me many times that this is a process and now we're starting off at the beginning. I need to reset my TTC clock back to zero, easy to write, but way harder to do after slogging it out for so long. Mr. JB also reminds me that I am healthy now. No more pain. Dr. Hilgers was very happy to hear that the nagging pelvic pain that I have suffered with since the pelvic abscess of 2009 is gone. I do have pain still, but it's healing pain.

I have to speak to the nurses at PPVI on Monday and I know I will have many more questions as the fog lifts from all the pain killers. I also have to call in four weeks for another update.

For now, I have to focus my energies on healing. The enormity of our trip is just hitting me now and I know that in my heart that we made the right decision to go for broke and see Dr. Hilgers.

No regrets. Absolutely none.

Now, the next task is to get changed and get out on the highway. I have never missed my house more!

Thank you for all your prayers and support!

23 comments:

  1. So glad to hear things went well with your final meeting with Dr. H. I know you were probably hoping for a higher than 50% chance, but your DH is right. You are starting fresh now with TTC. And don't forget God...He can certainly add another 50% chance to make it 100%:-)

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  2. Whew... what an appointment! Good news: You are now so much healthier! I can only imagine the 50% moment though... it's tough to process in the moment. But you're right... what an increase in chances from almost 0%. You're in the best hands, and you've done all you can do. That's a peaceful place to be. Praying!

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  3. 50% without meds is still good!! Throw in meds and prayer and I say you've got great odds. :) Love you girlie!

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  4. All sounds good. And as for the 50%, that sounds like great news to me. How can anyone have more than a 50% chance anyway? How could he tell anyone 100%? Or even 75-80? There are too many factors and nothing is certain in life. So, I would take the 50% as good news. Yeah! Have a safe rest of your trip.

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  5. I read 50% and thought, thoses chances are amazingly high. But there I go being all positive on ya! Plus, I was thinking you went from zero to 50, big improvement, even bigger than ivf (about 30 per cycle).

    So proud of you!

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  6. I think I had a 60% chance when I was done with my laporotomy. If Dr. K would have said 50%, I would have been in tears too ... its just "half", no more or less.
    BUT ... the medicines they prescribe and the treatments they recommend DO work. Do NOT give up!!!
    Also, its hard to reset your TTC clock. Physically, it can be reset, but emotionally, I believe it cannot.
    Have a safe journey back HOME!!!

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  7. I hope you get pregnant soon. 50% is actually pretty good. Keep hope and faith.

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  8. Glad to hear that you are home bound! I love the part about resetting your TTC clock back to zero. That's a great way to look at it. I am going to use that in my own circumstance too!

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  9. I am so happy that your surgery went well. Complete recover takes a while so take good care of yourself. I am sure your chance is much higher once meds are introduced. I got pregnant six month after surgery and two month after taking hormones. Please focus on healing for now and all else will fall in place. Wishing you the best.

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  10. 50% sounds like the once-empty glass is now half-full! That is a good place to be! I am going to pray like mad, lady! So glad you are headed home!

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  11. May you find this upcoming Advent season a time of peace, healing, and hope! True hope!

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  12. OMG!! i haven't been on blog for eons! this is great news!! 50% by human standards, but 100% by God's! It is possible with God! I'm praying for you guys!!

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  13. So glad you are headed home and feeling better physically.

    Prayers that with prayers and maybe some meds that 50% at least doubles :).

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  14. 50% sounds high to me, too! I can only imagine how great it's going to feel being back home! Praying! :)

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  15. I have to admit, when I first heard your chances, I was ecstatic for you. Reading this post, I put myself in your shoes, and realized it must have been difficult to hear. Especially coming from Dr H - who would know, of course!

    But remember that 50% are the same odds of someone having a boy, or a girl. 50% is good!! And I agree with Hebrews - with meds, that'll probably go up to 70% ;)


    We'll ALL be praying to bring that 50% up... don't you worry!

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  16. I'm also somewhat jealous you got an actual number to work with... I couldn't squeeze one outta Dr S for the life of me!! (But he did say he thought we'd be hearing the pitter patter of little feet "soon" - which, of course now that you've met Quincy, you realize we do hear, every. single. day :) )

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  17. I am so happy that you were able to be at PPVI, yet I understand being away from your country and home. its sooo hard. the 50% from my experience with Dr. H and from what was discussed in my practitioner course by others is actually higher, its just he is very very conservative in his numbers. Several people I know have been given that nr or lowere and they are now parents. and you have the secret weapon: DR. Nora!! I am praying!

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  18. I am sooooooo very proud of you for all of this. YOU HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING and the LORD WILL BLESS YOU EVEN MORE!!!! This is such a big deal with you being fixed like this. WOW!

    I totally remember that feeling after surgery of doubt. It is totally normal and abosolutely expected. This is when you just have to put your trust into our loving Lord. Keep following this path like you are doing and HE WILL LEAD YOU!!! I just have so much faith in this. I know you will succeed!!!!!!

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  19. I am so HOPEFUL for you, JB! Dr. Keefe never gave me any numbers after my laparotomy. Just remember, it is just a number. Your body is healing and you will be in great shape to start TTC again! So, so hopeful for you!

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  20. 50% sounds not too bad, right. Glass half full. :) And isnèt always so nice to come back to Canada after a trip away! Yay!

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  21. Glad to hear you're about to get back home. It's always strange how very much of a relief it is to be back in your own house.

    As to resetting the clock to zero - well, I see the point of that, but I wouldn't do it, myself. Yes, maybe the chances weren't there before, but it's not like you did no work and had no treatments before. And most importantly, you had the experience of someone continually hoping to be a mother and grieving that you still were not, all these years. You can't wipe out that experience with a "well we just didn't know we had a chance before." It sounds logical, but i t ignores the reality of the heart - all that suffering is part of who we are now, for better or for worse. For myself, personally, I feel like it deserves to be acknowledged. I took two years off from pursuing treatment, myself, because I had decided that God didn't intend for me to become a mother as a result of being some doctor's guinea pig and He would heal me in His own time without all sorts of doctors (has turned out not to be the case), and I count those years as ttc, because we absolutely were ttc, and I don't think your odds have to be good for your efforts to count :). Anyway...just my $.02. So glad your whole adventure is over and you now have a chance to heal!

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  22. Hi JB, I have awarded you a Liebster Blog award. :) You are one of my faves and I always look forward to your posts. Check out my blog to find out what to do to award your favorite bloggers.

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  23. That's good news. I hope you continue to heal well and that with a multitude of prayers, the right meds and God's design you will conceive soon.

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