So things with my father-in-law's girlfriend is much worse than we thought. Not only is on morphine, but her family has decided to stop feeding her. In fact, she hasn't eaten in ten days.
It is obvious that she is not long for this world.
My FIL went to see her today and he was pretty shaken up when Mr. JB talked to him. One of daughters-in-law was sponging water into her mouth and she was able to recognize him.
Her sister passed away a couple of weeks ago and it seems like she will be joining her soon.
I am sad, but I also have a lot of mixed emotions.
You see, my FIL's girlfriend didn't like me.
At all.
When she was well she made my life miserable. I know that she said untrue, horrible things behind my back. She was jealous of the fact that I actually married into the family while she was just a "girlfriend" (I will never understand why my FIL stayed with her for so long, he didn't want to marry her, and she lived in her own home and they fought all the time).
I am so sad that my FIL is going through something so sad. I am sad that her kids have to go through this. Mr. JB reminds me that at one point, before my time, he had good memories. Unfortunately, in the past (almost) eight years, those distant memories are what he has had to hold onto.
I've been praying about this. I pray for J every night, despite my feelings.
Please continue your prayers for her. I hope that she finds comfort in her pain.
7 September 2011
6 September 2011
First Day
I love school.
I really do. Before I discovered my vocation, I had already attended 6 years of university, so I have the student debt to prove it.
But, like pretty much every teacher on the planet, I wished for just a bit more vacation.
Don't get me wrong, I think my class is cute (with one or two exceptions) and I know that I will have a good year. The vibe today was nice and calm, and everyone seemed on task. I know that I have a few challenging kids, but I know who they are and I have an idea what strategies to use with them.
It also makes me so happy when the parents are so happy to have me teach their kids. I had a couple of parents that were visibly excited that I was their child's teacher (Lord, please let me have that moment with my own kids!).
There are 188 days left. Not that I'm counting.
We did get some bad news at the JB household. My father-in-law's girlfriend is not doing well. She has been in a home since January and we learned today that she's no longer eating and is on morphine. It doesn't look good. She has had a series of strokes that has really affected her brain function and she has lost her ability to speak. Mr. JB went to visit her with my parents in July and she wasn't doing well then, but this is much worse. I am sad for my FIL since this is his second partner that he has watched wither away (Mr. JB's mom died of cancer 21 years ago). Please pray for J and her comfort.
I really do. Before I discovered my vocation, I had already attended 6 years of university, so I have the student debt to prove it.
But, like pretty much every teacher on the planet, I wished for just a bit more vacation.
Don't get me wrong, I think my class is cute (with one or two exceptions) and I know that I will have a good year. The vibe today was nice and calm, and everyone seemed on task. I know that I have a few challenging kids, but I know who they are and I have an idea what strategies to use with them.
It also makes me so happy when the parents are so happy to have me teach their kids. I had a couple of parents that were visibly excited that I was their child's teacher (Lord, please let me have that moment with my own kids!).
There are 188 days left. Not that I'm counting.
We did get some bad news at the JB household. My father-in-law's girlfriend is not doing well. She has been in a home since January and we learned today that she's no longer eating and is on morphine. It doesn't look good. She has had a series of strokes that has really affected her brain function and she has lost her ability to speak. Mr. JB went to visit her with my parents in July and she wasn't doing well then, but this is much worse. I am sad for my FIL since this is his second partner that he has watched wither away (Mr. JB's mom died of cancer 21 years ago). Please pray for J and her comfort.
5 September 2011
Back to reality
Ah, Labour Day. I think that for most teachers, this is a day that we dread. Now don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to be working in my vocation and I love my school, but after two months off (well, five weeks for me, but I'm not splitting hairs), I really don't want the alarm to go off in the morning.
This is my tenth September. I had similar feelings last year and I wish that I didn't have to return to work because I had a little one to look after, but this year is a bit different.
As my surgery date looms closer I am still hopeful. I finally got through to the finance people at PPVI and Creighton and I have a better idea how much it is all going to cost us. The $16 000 price tag almost had me hyperventilating, but I have $10 500 in the bank from the extra work that I've done and we have money in investments that we can tap into. A few nights ago I was having a hard time falling asleep because I was so worried about finances and I kept on repeating, "Jesus, I trust in you" until I fell asleep. The next day at yoga I had a very clear thought that everything was going to be okay, regardless of how far this is going to set us back financially.
One of my biggest worries, aside from telling my principal that I am taking two months off, is coming clean with my colleagues. A two month absence is going to be a little more difficult to explain. I will have to tell my teaching partner and my closest friends on staff, but a big part of me dreads telling them. I know that their prayers and support are going to be much needed, but I've gotten so good at pretending that there's nothing wrong in my life!
I knew that 2011 was going to be a big year for us, I just didn't know how. Our road to Dr. Hil.gers and PPVI has been long, but I am certain that this is the path that we've needed to take to build our family. I am so looking forward to my surgery since my endo pain has gotten progressively worse and I am so tired of pain. I want to be disease-free so badly!
So Happy New Year to all of you, despite my apprehension, there is a part of me that is excited about the first day of school.
St. John Baptist de la Salle, pray for us!
This is my tenth September. I had similar feelings last year and I wish that I didn't have to return to work because I had a little one to look after, but this year is a bit different.
As my surgery date looms closer I am still hopeful. I finally got through to the finance people at PPVI and Creighton and I have a better idea how much it is all going to cost us. The $16 000 price tag almost had me hyperventilating, but I have $10 500 in the bank from the extra work that I've done and we have money in investments that we can tap into. A few nights ago I was having a hard time falling asleep because I was so worried about finances and I kept on repeating, "Jesus, I trust in you" until I fell asleep. The next day at yoga I had a very clear thought that everything was going to be okay, regardless of how far this is going to set us back financially.
One of my biggest worries, aside from telling my principal that I am taking two months off, is coming clean with my colleagues. A two month absence is going to be a little more difficult to explain. I will have to tell my teaching partner and my closest friends on staff, but a big part of me dreads telling them. I know that their prayers and support are going to be much needed, but I've gotten so good at pretending that there's nothing wrong in my life!
I knew that 2011 was going to be a big year for us, I just didn't know how. Our road to Dr. Hil.gers and PPVI has been long, but I am certain that this is the path that we've needed to take to build our family. I am so looking forward to my surgery since my endo pain has gotten progressively worse and I am so tired of pain. I want to be disease-free so badly!
So Happy New Year to all of you, despite my apprehension, there is a part of me that is excited about the first day of school.
St. John Baptist de la Salle, pray for us!
29 August 2011
Dipping a toe in...
So I went to school today (for the second time, but the first time was just to drop off the stuff that I had with me for the workshops that I taught earlier this month). It was much easier this time around since I'm in the same classroom and I was pretty good at putting things away nicely (last year my former grade one partner left me a HUGE mess and I was so stressed out). I do have to say that H.ydrocort has made such a difference! My head was actually clear and I was able to function. I am so glad that I don't have to go off of it before my surgery!
Today is CD3 and I am so crampy. I was hoping that we would miraculously get pg before my surgery, but I was disappointed yet again. This is the last cycle that we can actually try before my ultrasound series (yay TCIE!!!), so we have one last shot.
I was talking to my awesome chiropractor today about my upcoming surgery in Omaha and we were both lamenting on how frustrating it is that the surgeon that did my surgeries here didn't do a thorough enough job. I'm thinking now that he did enough to remove the endometriosis, but not all of it which is why my cramps have gotten worse and worse.
The one thing I am not looking forward to is having to tell my principal that I am going to be taking two months off. I already got a note from my Napro doctor saying that I am having major surgery and that I need the time. According to Dr. Hil.gers I need to take 4 to 6 weeks off and since my surgery is at the beginning of November, if I were to return in 6 weeks I'd be back right before Christmas. I think that it would be easier for everyone involved (especially the teacher that will be filling in for me!) if I came back in the new year. I think that I'm going to call my union first to get their advice before I go in to see my principal.
I can't believe that the summer vacation is almost over! Is it weird that part of me is looking forward to having the time off this fall?
Prayer buddy, thank you for all of your prayers! I cannot believe how at peace I've been feeling lately! And to the blogger that I'm praying for, you've been getting so many prayers offered up for you!
Today is CD3 and I am so crampy. I was hoping that we would miraculously get pg before my surgery, but I was disappointed yet again. This is the last cycle that we can actually try before my ultrasound series (yay TCIE!!!), so we have one last shot.
I was talking to my awesome chiropractor today about my upcoming surgery in Omaha and we were both lamenting on how frustrating it is that the surgeon that did my surgeries here didn't do a thorough enough job. I'm thinking now that he did enough to remove the endometriosis, but not all of it which is why my cramps have gotten worse and worse.
The one thing I am not looking forward to is having to tell my principal that I am going to be taking two months off. I already got a note from my Napro doctor saying that I am having major surgery and that I need the time. According to Dr. Hil.gers I need to take 4 to 6 weeks off and since my surgery is at the beginning of November, if I were to return in 6 weeks I'd be back right before Christmas. I think that it would be easier for everyone involved (especially the teacher that will be filling in for me!) if I came back in the new year. I think that I'm going to call my union first to get their advice before I go in to see my principal.
I can't believe that the summer vacation is almost over! Is it weird that part of me is looking forward to having the time off this fall?
Prayer buddy, thank you for all of your prayers! I cannot believe how at peace I've been feeling lately! And to the blogger that I'm praying for, you've been getting so many prayers offered up for you!
24 August 2011
If it was only this easy -- *Updated
Now, I would've saved a lot of heartache if I knew about this technique!
p.s. I see my Napro doc at 12:40pm today. Can't wait to hear about the blood work results! I promise to update as soon as I can.
-------------------------------
Update:
So everything came back negative -- I didn't test positive for MTHFR antibodies and there's nothing wrong with my thyroid AND my progesterone and estrogen levels are AMAZING. As my Napro doctor has been saying (and is the reason why she recommended going to Omaha), my issue is structural, not hormonal.
My Napro doc is the sweetest. She went over all of the paperwork that I received from PPVI and she even gave me a big hug as we left the office. Like I've said before, she is my biggest cheerleader and believes that there is hope for us!
22 August 2011
The good news continues...
Thank you so much for your comments on my last post. I feel so blessed to have so many people praying and rejoicing with me!
This afternoon (while at the mall with Mr JB, I tricked him into going to Ikea AND the mall, so I bribed him with fries at the food court) my brother-in-law said that the Jesuit community at Creighton would be happy to host us while I am in Omaha for my surgery.
I had to stop myself from doing cartwheels in front of everyone!
This is what the message said:
My BIL got the response in less than half an hour from his initial message (which forgot that I had had two surgeries, but that's just a technicality at this point).
Staying with the Jesuits will save us at least $1 000, or perhaps more. I'm not sure if we will be eating all our meals with them, but I wouldn't be surprised if we did.
I am still waiting for the new paperwork from PPVI for my new surgery protocol and I have an appointment with my local Napro doctor on Wednesday to get all of the test results from July (I was tested for MTHFR and my insulin resistance was re-tested).
I have been feeling so at peace lately, which has been such a gift. We went spent the weekend at Mr. JB's cousin's cottage and we were the only childless couple and I was able to play with the kids and hold the babies without feeling sorry for myself. We also attended a family reunion for Mr. JB's dad's family and one of his cousins came up to us to ask us if we had a little girl. She was convinced that I had had a baby and that it was definitely a girl, perhaps she was predicting something? This cousin was also the first family member, aside from his dad, that he called to tell that we were engaged (he had made the promise when he was a teenager and went through with it).
I'd like to believe that after our journey to Omaha that we will be able to conceive that little girl!
p.s. I had a brain fart and I gave myself two HCG injections back to back. For some reason I was convinced that I had to give myself an injection on Friday, but I was really supposed to do it on Saturday. I went for my Peak +7 blood work today and I'm sure that my hormones are all out of whack. And you know what? I really don't care!
This afternoon (while at the mall with Mr JB, I tricked him into going to Ikea AND the mall, so I bribed him with fries at the food court) my brother-in-law said that the Jesuit community at Creighton would be happy to host us while I am in Omaha for my surgery.
I had to stop myself from doing cartwheels in front of everyone!
This is what the message said:
They’re set, JellyBelly's Jesuit BIL,
Want to have one of them email me to make more direct plans for arrival?
We’re glad to host family members of SJ’s when we can. This works out well.
Blessings to you and on their efforts to conceive!
My BIL got the response in less than half an hour from his initial message (which forgot that I had had two surgeries, but that's just a technicality at this point).
Staying with the Jesuits will save us at least $1 000, or perhaps more. I'm not sure if we will be eating all our meals with them, but I wouldn't be surprised if we did.
I am still waiting for the new paperwork from PPVI for my new surgery protocol and I have an appointment with my local Napro doctor on Wednesday to get all of the test results from July (I was tested for MTHFR and my insulin resistance was re-tested).
I have been feeling so at peace lately, which has been such a gift. We went spent the weekend at Mr. JB's cousin's cottage and we were the only childless couple and I was able to play with the kids and hold the babies without feeling sorry for myself. We also attended a family reunion for Mr. JB's dad's family and one of his cousins came up to us to ask us if we had a little girl. She was convinced that I had had a baby and that it was definitely a girl, perhaps she was predicting something? This cousin was also the first family member, aside from his dad, that he called to tell that we were engaged (he had made the promise when he was a teenager and went through with it).
I'd like to believe that after our journey to Omaha that we will be able to conceive that little girl!
p.s. I had a brain fart and I gave myself two HCG injections back to back. For some reason I was convinced that I had to give myself an injection on Friday, but I was really supposed to do it on Saturday. I went for my Peak +7 blood work today and I'm sure that my hormones are all out of whack. And you know what? I really don't care!
15 August 2011
PRAISE THE LORD!!! (JellyBelly breaks her blog silence for some good news)
No, not that kind of good news, but good news nonetheless!
I just got off of the phone with PPVI and Dr. Hil.gers is willing to convert my surgery to a laparotomy if necessary (and I'm pretty sure that it will be necessary, I may not be a doctor, but I know that I am having more and more pain with each cycle). My surgery date was moved to November 1st, All Saint's Day, which isn't a big deal since my first date was November 2nd.
Is it a coincidence that my first surgery happened during Holy Week and now I get to see the creme de la creme and have my last surgery on All Saint's Day?
I think not!
The only thing is that the billing is going to change if my surgery is converted to a laparotomy, but at this point I don't care.
I am so relieved! I didn't want to have to go to Omaha twice.
Happy Feast of the Assumption of Mary! What a great day to celebrate!
I just got off of the phone with PPVI and Dr. Hil.gers is willing to convert my surgery to a laparotomy if necessary (and I'm pretty sure that it will be necessary, I may not be a doctor, but I know that I am having more and more pain with each cycle). My surgery date was moved to November 1st, All Saint's Day, which isn't a big deal since my first date was November 2nd.
Is it a coincidence that my first surgery happened during Holy Week and now I get to see the creme de la creme and have my last surgery on All Saint's Day?
I think not!
The only thing is that the billing is going to change if my surgery is converted to a laparotomy, but at this point I don't care.
I am so relieved! I didn't want to have to go to Omaha twice.
Happy Feast of the Assumption of Mary! What a great day to celebrate!
4 August 2011
Prayer Request -- *Updated
Okay prayer warriors, we need you!
Please pray for Crunchy Catholic Mama's little girl, S who is in the hospital. She has been having problems keeping her blood sugar up and it keeps falling when not connected to an IV.
It's time to storm heaven!!!!!
--------------
Update: Little S is back home. The doctors still can't explain what is going on with her blood sugar. Please continue praying!
Please pray for Crunchy Catholic Mama's little girl, S who is in the hospital. She has been having problems keeping her blood sugar up and it keeps falling when not connected to an IV.
It's time to storm heaven!!!!!
--------------
Update: Little S is back home. The doctors still can't explain what is going on with her blood sugar. Please continue praying!
28 July 2011
It's not you, it's me
So I am officially on vacation. Actually I've been officially on vacation since 3:30pm on July 22nd, but this has been my first chance to sit and blog.
I was so much happier with my curriculum writing this time around. Not only was I not dragging myself around because of adrenal fatigue, but we started writing the third day. It was also a much smaller group and there wasn't a anglophone/francophone divide like there was last summer. I learned so much professionally and I know that it will look stellar on my resume -- not to mention the $4500 that I made!
This morning I went for a whole whack of blood tests. I finally convinced my Napro doc to get me tested for MTHFR and she also repeated my thyroid panel and glucose test (which was just one blood test, I didn't have to drink the nasty drink!). I had to pay for the tests which is perhaps why she was so hesitant (it cost $105 for the antibody and Vitamin D test -- hopefully my insurance covers it!). I was hardly upset when AF arrived Tuesday night. What a difference a surgery date makes!
Speaking of surgery: I got the go-ahead to go to TCIE for my ultrasound series! It is going to save so much money to drive to see her AND I get to hang out with my buddy. Now how many can say that one of their closest friends got to wand them?
Mr. JB and I are leaving for New Hampshire on Sunday and I can't wait! We decided to take the trip in two days and it looks like we're going to drive through New York State since we're going to spend a few days in Montreal on our way home. Are there any bloggers that are in that area, or even in NH? I'd love to meet up!
I'm hoping that I will be back to my regular blogging habits, but I do have to admit that it's been a nice mental break from IF. Spinning my wheels until November 2nd is a much needed break for my weary soul.
*Update: I just spoke to one of Dr. H's nurses regarding my surgery. I asked her if it was possible if the endo/adhesion mess that is in my pelvis is really bad if my surgery would be converted from a lap to a laparotomy. I was pleading since I don't want to have to return to Omaha for a second surgery, for many reasons (I don't want to have to have TWO surgeries and the cost, yes it always seems to boil down to money). She is going to ask Dr. H to review my case again and she'll get back to me sometime next week. If my surgery is going to be more extensive, the date is going to change, but that's okay with me! Please pray that this all works out!
I was so much happier with my curriculum writing this time around. Not only was I not dragging myself around because of adrenal fatigue, but we started writing the third day. It was also a much smaller group and there wasn't a anglophone/francophone divide like there was last summer. I learned so much professionally and I know that it will look stellar on my resume -- not to mention the $4500 that I made!
This morning I went for a whole whack of blood tests. I finally convinced my Napro doc to get me tested for MTHFR and she also repeated my thyroid panel and glucose test (which was just one blood test, I didn't have to drink the nasty drink!). I had to pay for the tests which is perhaps why she was so hesitant (it cost $105 for the antibody and Vitamin D test -- hopefully my insurance covers it!). I was hardly upset when AF arrived Tuesday night. What a difference a surgery date makes!
Speaking of surgery: I got the go-ahead to go to TCIE for my ultrasound series! It is going to save so much money to drive to see her AND I get to hang out with my buddy. Now how many can say that one of their closest friends got to wand them?
Mr. JB and I are leaving for New Hampshire on Sunday and I can't wait! We decided to take the trip in two days and it looks like we're going to drive through New York State since we're going to spend a few days in Montreal on our way home. Are there any bloggers that are in that area, or even in NH? I'd love to meet up!
I'm hoping that I will be back to my regular blogging habits, but I do have to admit that it's been a nice mental break from IF. Spinning my wheels until November 2nd is a much needed break for my weary soul.
*Update: I just spoke to one of Dr. H's nurses regarding my surgery. I asked her if it was possible if the endo/adhesion mess that is in my pelvis is really bad if my surgery would be converted from a lap to a laparotomy. I was pleading since I don't want to have to return to Omaha for a second surgery, for many reasons (I don't want to have to have TWO surgeries and the cost, yes it always seems to boil down to money). She is going to ask Dr. H to review my case again and she'll get back to me sometime next week. If my surgery is going to be more extensive, the date is going to change, but that's okay with me! Please pray that this all works out!
10 July 2011
Blog silence
I have nothing to say.
Honestly.
It's not like last summer when I was SO tired that I couldn't function like a normal human being.
Now that I have a surgery date -- November 2nd -- I feel like I can put IF on the back burner and pretend that my life is normal (meaning: that procreating hasn't been the main focus of the past six years).
I feel so at peace. It's amazing how making the decision to go to Omaha regardless of funding has tamed my worries. I feel that God has put me on the path to see Dr H and that he will finally bring us closer to growing our family.
So I apologize for the lack of commenting, I am still reading, but I'm just going through a quiet phase. I continue to pray for all of you!
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