5 September 2011

Back to reality

Ah, Labour Day. I think that for most teachers, this is a day that we dread. Now don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to be working in my vocation and I love my school, but after two months off (well, five weeks for me, but I'm not splitting hairs), I really don't want the alarm to go off in the morning.

This is my tenth September. I had similar feelings last year and I wish that I didn't have to return to work because I had a little one to look after, but this year is a bit different.

As my surgery date looms closer I am still hopeful. I finally got through to the finance people at PPVI and Creighton and I have a better idea how much it is all going to cost us.  The $16 000 price tag almost had me hyperventilating, but I have $10 500 in the bank from the extra work that I've done and we have money in investments that we can tap into. A few nights ago I was having a hard time falling asleep because I was so worried about finances and I kept on repeating, "Jesus, I trust in you" until I fell asleep. The next day at yoga I had a very clear thought that everything was going to be okay, regardless of how far this is going to set us back financially.

One of my biggest worries, aside from telling my principal that I am taking two months off, is coming clean with my colleagues. A two month absence is going to be a little more difficult to explain. I will have to tell my teaching partner and my closest friends on staff, but a big part of me dreads telling them. I know that their prayers and support are going to be much needed, but I've gotten so good at pretending that there's nothing wrong in my life!

I knew that 2011 was going to be a big year for us, I just didn't know how. Our road to Dr. Hil.gers and PPVI has been long, but I am certain that this is the path that we've needed to take to build our family. I am so looking forward to my surgery since my endo pain has gotten progressively worse and I am so tired of pain. I want to be disease-free so badly!

So Happy New Year to all of you, despite my apprehension, there is a part of me that is excited about the first day of school.

St. John Baptist de la Salle, pray for us! 

18 comments:

  1. As I am recovering from my surgery, I have kept those of you still waiting to visit PPVI in my prayers. Please know that you are coming to the right place. I hope you have a great first day back at school. Praying!

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  2. Our local schools are already back in session so I think the teachers here appreciate Labor Day a bit more. I've lived other places where school didn't start until after Labor Day and as a student I remember how bitter sweet it was. When's your first day of classes?

    This will be a big step, outing yourself so to speak but I think it will be good. I don't know how you've done it this long. There's pros and cons to being "out" so to speak but I think the pros outweigh the cons. I'm so excited for your surgery, you'd think it was mine!

    Off to eat more pudding! ;o)

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  3. Oh that will be hard to tell everyone about something so private. I hope it won't be too hard to have everyone in on your IF life. It is such an exciting time for you.

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  4. I am starting tomorrow, too! It's always exciting and sad at the same time. Hopefully you will gain a few more prayer warriors when you tell coworkers. Praying you have a great day!

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  5. All of the finances will work out, God is in control ;) So happy for you to making this step! Also, I think that telling your friends at work is hard, but so freeing in many ways! It is funny how making ourselves vulnerable sometimes frees others to find the truth, healing, and true freedom, too!

    Your faithfulness inspires me!

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  6. Praying that everything works out financially for your surgery and that telling your boss and co-workers isn't as bad as you anticipate. I've found when I'm vulnerable with people and open up (which is so incredibly scary), that God often surprises me and uses those people to be my biggest cheerleaders. Praying the same is true for you too!

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  7. Good luck with school tomorrow. I agree, good thing coming lady~ I love reflecting on the Jesus I trust in you. I hope telling your coworkers work out ok, I'm sure they will be supportive. God bless you.

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  8. I have so much hope for you too! Prayers for a great school year and your surgery.

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  9. Ugh, I always hated telling people at work. I had to do it three times in 2 years, so EVERYBODY knew my business. I worked with a bunch of men, too. Blech.
    Anyway, I'm really excited for you to get this surgery and hopefully have an end to your endo pain!

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  10. Once it's over you'll be so glad you did it! And I will come see you. Then we can hold our first meeting of the Pelvic Abscess Club :)

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  11. You know how excited I am for you :)

    And, God provides when it comes to the financial aspect. He really does! I was stunned speechless by my quote for laparotomy (and I had insurance, so it wasn't as bad as yours!) - but even then, in the end due to someone's error, I was told I had a zero OOP responsibility, and so when I was charged, I appealed three times (they kept denying but I was relentless) until finally they payed me back EVERYTHING including anesthesiology!!
    I realize your situation won't turn out the same due to the differences in self-pay and insured, but things always seem to work out when God wants you in a certain place.

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  12. I am glad you feeling that sense of peace that it is going to be alright. That is totally the holy spirit! Thanks for hanging with me on my blog despite my lack of posting and the varied content of my posts. I really and truly appreciate it. And now that I can fix the commenting issue, I am back! :)

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  13. I can't believe that you are starting school back up again!! You didn't have nearly a long enough summer!!

    I'm so excited for you and your dh to go and see Dr. Hilgers and what I love most is that you have a sense of peace knowing that this is the path that God has led you on. I've actually been doing a bit of research on him myself and am thinking I need to start heading that direction in regards to our fertility.

    Anyways, you are always in my prayers and I will pray that you are able to continue to hang onto that peace about the finances and that you continue to hold onto that hope!!

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  14. JB Does that cover hospital stay as well?

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  15. I will pray for you to have strength to tell your colleagues. I told one of my fav Aunties this weekend, and I STILL can't do it without crying, even though I am calm in my head. Good things are coming your way, lady! :)

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  16. Hope your first day of school went well! What a year it's going to be! :) Praying the details continue to come together.

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