I am a champion sleeper.
That is, it seems as though I was a champion sleeper.
I have been waking around 4am every morning with worried thoughts going through my head. Yes, it is definitely explainable since I will be having surgery in about five weeks (I just had heart palpitations typing that). I'm not scared of having surgery, since Dr. H is going to fix my broken ladyparts, it's all the stuff leading up to the surgery.
You see, I haven't told anyone but my principal about my surgery. My teaching partner, my closest friends at school and most of the people closest to me don't even know.
I've been holding onto hope that I will miraculously fall pg this cycle, but we have to be realistic here. It's Peak +11 today and I'm expecting AF to arrive this week. TCIE and I have been planning my week-long stay to get wanded, which I am really excited about. It will be the longest period of time I have ever been away from Mr. JB, but I'm sure that TCIE is going to have lots of things to distract me with (and yes, the wanding and blood work, there's also that!).
I plan to call my union office tomorrow to get advice. My principal knows that I will be taking the time off in November, but the week off in October will come as a surprise (I already have a substitute lined up though). I also have my doctor's notes that justify my absences.
I know the biggest reason why I am so worried is that I have to come clean with so many people. I am going to tell my teaching partner and perhaps one of my closest colleagues (with the instruction that she tell my other friends). I really don't want to tell a whole bunch of people the same sad story.
I suffer from the sin of pride. I don't want their pity and I am not 100% comfortable with everyone knowing my business. I will have to explain why I am not going to be around for two months, or at least my friends will. I feel like I am finally admitting defeat by letting my friends in on my deep, dark secret of IF.
Yes, someone who has had thousands of visits to her blog, thinks that her IF is a secret.
Does anyone have any advice on how I should do my big "reveal?" I don't want to do something contrived and invite them all out and announce it. That would be so cheesy.
Prayer buddy, I'm in need of some big prayers this week. I need some courage, big time.