27 November 2012

Sometimes...

...I wish that I could wake up and realize that the past seven years of IF was just a dream.

I wish I could wake up to a house full of children and all the chaos they come with.

Their stuff.

Their smells.

I wish that I could complain about how tired, frustrated, annoyed or burnt out I feel to other mothers.

I wish I didn't have to work outside of my home. I wish that I spent all day teaching my own children.

I wish I was sleep-deprived.

Unable to exercise.

Covered in spit-up.

I wish that my body would work.

Just once.

I promise, if given the chance I won't forget the pain of IF. I will not take a moment of motherhood for granted. Even in the midst of many sleepless nights, sick babies, and defiant children.

Please God, if it is Your will, please hear me.

I'm so tired of the wait.

So very, very tired.



22 comments:

  1. Beautiful.

    Have you tried Dr. Kwak Kim's protocol? Low dose aspirin, IVIG, progerstone support, calcium, Vitamin B and E, lovenox, low carb diet, sugar within normal range, metformin, etc?

    Please consider.

    I think those with IF who are "younger" often do not see the signs of metabolic disorder until they are older and then they get her treatment.

    But, you that are younger can go on the protocal NOW and not have to wait until a secondary condition develops.

    Treat yourself as IF you have it NOW and I believe fertility will happen for you.

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  2. I wish for a lot of those same things...it's hard to let go of wanting that...isn't it? Lord hear all of our prayers. IF is NOT an easy journey.

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  3. JB - My heart aches for you. I am so sorry that you have had to wait for 7 years. I pray that God will bless you with biological children.

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  4. This meeting can't come soon enough. I am praying my heart out for you.

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  5. praying you are exhausted and frumpy and living in a messy house full of your babies soon.

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  6. It's going to be your turn soon. It truly is, and I am praying for that day!

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  7. My first comment was when you only posted the photo and seems a bit cold now. I'm so sorry.

    As I was reading the rest of the post, the first sentence kept echoing in my heart - 7 years. JB, I cannot fathom 7 years. You are such a strong amazing woman with a beautiful faith. I am praying for you every day friend and I will offer my Mass and Rosary for you on Monday.

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  8. Praying that your wait is over soon!

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  9. When you have a baby in your arms, you won't forget. I promise you that. And you WILL have a baby in your arms. I continue to pray for you and your DH that God's plan for you hurries up a bit. :-) The holidays are much harder than the day-to-day.
    Always thinking of you. (((hugs)))

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  10. Praying for you and your DH!

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  11. I can't begin to comprehend 7 years of IF. I'm praying it ends soon.

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  12. My heart truly aches for you; I am praying that God answers your many prayers for children. *hug*

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  13. You are always in my prayers, my favourite Canadian friend! Sending you BIG hugs from Huskerland!

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  14. Despite my undiminished loathing for those who do "forget," I hope that you have a chance to. A loss to our dwindling group - but, for your sake, I hope you find yourself on the other side, so sleep-deprived and covered in baby vomit that you can't rightly remember how unpleasant it is to spend your life at the mercy of the wands and the blood draws.

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  15. You WILL be a mother! And you'll be so in love with your child, that he or she will heal so much of your broken heart. Infertility will color your experience of motherhood, but I think mostly in a good way - giving you a deeper patience, more mindfulness, greater appreciation of the small moments.
    I hope that your prayers are answered soon!

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  16. Big Hugs JB! I am hoping your adoption process goes quickly once you are ready.

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  17. This.... "I hope you find yourself on the other side, so sleep-deprived and covered in baby vomit that you can't rightly remember how unpleasant it is to spend your life at the mercy of the wands and the blood draws." -

    That is my hope and prayer for you as well. :)
    St. John Neumann, pray for us!

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  18. I couod have wrote that myself. everybody says im too young or not ready for children. my womb and heart aches for babies. i want to be able to enjoy spit up on my close thes,sleepless nights, and feeding a babe from my body. i just pray god has a plan to provide and prosper for us all:-) he knows and sees way far ahead than us. prayers for yo all

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