13 May 2012

The Un-holiday

Mother's Day sucks.

Especially when one is IF AND when one's mother is crazy.

I woke up with a horrible feeling of dread. I would've welcomed the flu or a migraine so I could've stayed in bed all day.

I didn't want to go to mass for the inevitable "Mother's Blessing," nor did I want to see my mother (I really don't want to go into why her craziness has been bothering me, but she's gotten so bad that my ever-patient husband is even at his wits' end). Lucky for me, it's our month to usher at our parish and I was able to stand at the back with the church bulletins AND my parents weren't home when I dropped off the flowers we got her.

Two lucky breaks.

I'm tired of being childless on Mother's Day -- the seventh, since we got married. I distracted myself with two yoga classes this afternoon. I did my first yoga with weights class since my surgery and it was so hard that I didn't have time to think about anything else besides my burning muscles. The restorative class that followed was so amazing.

I felt such relief when I left the yoga studio. I survived my day without falling apart.

I know that I've said this before, but Lord could this please let this by my last childless Mother's Day? Please?

23 comments:

  1. I sat through all of Mass waiting for the blessing, knowing that I'm not any closer to Mother's Day changing for me... And then they didn't do the blessing. Strange, but nice. I think the priest might have forgotten. Anyway, joining the prayers that this is the last childless one for you!

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  2. Yes, Lord, please let this be JB's last childless Mother's Day! Glad your day went better than you thought. :)

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  3. I'm so sorry. Praying for you!

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  4. Oops...that last comment was, me, Chasing

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  5. "survived my day without falling apart" - that's a success in my book.

    And yes, please God, let this be JellyBelly's last Mother's Day with no sweet baby.

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  6. I'm so sorry :( My priest has never done a mother's blessing, at least not at any Mass I've ever attended, including today. I wish all my IF friends could have the same at their parish.

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  7. I totally hear you. We decided last year that we wouldn't be going to a mass where people knew us, which we kept to. And it went really well. Turns out, the priest at the parish we visited didn't even do a blessing, but at the very end of mass just wished all mom's a happy M's day...MUCH better.

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  8. I lit a candle last night at church for you and all the others waiting. Please know that so many of us are hoping and praying this is your LAST year motherless as well!

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  9. Don't take this the wrong way, but Mother's Day is just plain odd after experiencing IF for so long. Even after your prayers are answered for a baby, you cannot forget those painful Mother's Day before and you want to shake the everyone and say "Look, don't forget her, and her, and her over there!" These are really the ones who need our most compassionate care! I could not shake the terrible feelings I had as I watched another woman who has struggled with IF and a recent miscarriage STRUGGLE her way through church today (we purposely went to church at my mom's protestent church to celebrate her, I did not want attention) and I just prayed the entire time for her. Mother's Day is cruel in some ways, the intention is good, but sometimes it hurts others more than they deserve.

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  10. My mom is crazy too, seems like a lot of ifers have that in common. Praying you'll have a little one by next year.

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  11. Good for you for taking two classes. Way to turn the day into something healing. Praying for you!

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  12. I'm so sorry Jb. Please Lord, bless Jb with a baby.

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  13. Praying this was your last motherless mother's day.

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  14. So sorry to hear that you just survived Mother's Day. It is good you did something to get your mind off of it. I pray that this will be your year. That your body finally decides to work properly. God bless.

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  15. I'm praying this was your last childless mother's day as well.

    I feel for you having a strained relationship with your mother. Although my relationship with my mom is good, my relationship with my MIL is difficult and I kind of dread every mother's day. I think our secular world has totally blown this day out of proportion. But I could write a whole post on that! In fact, I should.

    God bless, JB! Sounds like the Holy Spirit really helped you along yesterday.

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  16. Praying so hard for you, JB!!

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  17. We did the Mother's Day blessing at the parish I was visiting. I could not even think of anything but, "I wonder how many IF ladies are here, just dying inside right now." :( :( Praying for this to be your last Mother's Day without a child.

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  18. I am glad that the "un-holiday" is over as well. I managed to keep it together but I think it was due to the "retail" therapy in the afternoon. I forgot about our new budget for a few hours! You remain in my prayers, JB!

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  19. I don't think I'll ever see Mother's Day in the same light as I used to. :( I think it's a lovely thought except... except... there are SO many exceptions it's overwhelming. I'll spare leaving the comment the priest made at the Mass I attended in your combox (it was one of the worst I've ever heard), but all I could think about where the ladies around me who would experience the sting of it. Granted, I was in a retirement home so almost everyone was over 80, but still, who knows what their histories contain?

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  20. You are so brave! I skipped church and pretended the day wasn't happening. Other than a 5 min call to my Mum, I got away with it pretty well.

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  21. Praying this was your last Mother's Day without a baby. I'm glad you could be in back for this Mass.

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  22. I thought a lot about the Proper Way for parishes to approach Mother's Day. My gut instinct is for priests to skip all this mothers' blessing nonsense (they're already going to bless the whole congregation, as they do at EVERY Mass. Is that not adequate?). But I realize that they're trying to affirm a vocation that is not properly understood and appreciated in today's culture. Fine. The thought most people go with is to be inclusive in some way (my parish included aunts this year), or perhaps to say a special prayer for those trying to become mothers. While this last would be particularly kind, it wouldn't make ME feel any better - obviously someone's consciousness would have been raised, and I would appreciate that, but it wouldn't do anything for me personally.

    Then I had what I thought was a brilliant inspiration. Everyone knows the many many mothers who show up for Mass on Mother's Day but don't come every Sunday, and who make their children attend with them so they can see them get their special blessing, are timing their Mass attendance around brunch. They wouldn't be interested in Mass at 6AM or 7AM. While I treasure my sleep on weekends, I would wake up before dawn so I could attend a whole Mass and get to hear about the Gospel, and no secular holidays. And I bet there are people with horrendous relationships with their mothers (or children), mothers who have recently lost children, adults who have recently lost mothers - lots of people who would rather just not hear about it. I'm going to see whether I can sell my parish on this idea for next year. I'm not sure what I would suggest they call it, but I'll think of something :).

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