Happiness is a good pair of pants

I joke a lot about being a pygmy, but it's only a cover for my frustration at finding clothes (namely pants) that fit me without spending a ton on alterations. Perhaps I've reached my quota of disappointment for 2008 or maybe clothes shopping at a mall rather than a grocery store is more ideal, but I am the proud owner of FIVE pairs of pants that fit me! Woohoo!!!!

The story starts on the 29th. Mr. JB and I decided to see a movie (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a fantastic movie!) and then exchange some Christmas gifts. At dinner a couple of months ago one of my girlfriends said that L.ucky jeans were the perfect jeans, so I decided to check out the store. I was apprehensive since at regular price a pair of jeans cost over $100. I only have one pair of jeans that over $40, and my mom bought them for me for Christmas! Anyhow, I walked into the store, went to the sale section and found the perfect pair of jeans at 50% off! I almost started to cry. Honestly, the jeans make me feel like a total movie star.

Then we headed to my favourite store, B.anana R.epublic and found trouser cut jeans (that I can wear to work because they are uber comfy) for $27. When I tried them on I noticed that a button was missing and they gave me 20% more off! I got brand new pants for $23! Woohoo again!!!!!

Yesterday Mr. JB and his brother and I headed to a fabulous outlet mall and I spent way too much at the B.anana R.epublic outlet (three more pairs of pants, a dress and a cute sweater plus a couple things for the mister). My poor BIL looked absolutely spent after shopping with me, but the trip was totally worth it. I do have to get the pants hemmed, but it's a small sacrifice for good looking clothes!

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I finally got my referral for the doctor that will be doing my lap. Mr. JB got the message from Dr. T's office while I was still asleep and I had to reschedule the original appointment that was given to us. It took THREE tries to finally get through to Dr. I's receptionist -- the first time I called I got hung up on, the second I was on hold for way too long and finally the third time I spoke to someone. I'm going to have to take two afternoons off next month for my appointments plus I have my annual physical with my family doctor (yet another person poking around in my ladyparts, yay!). I'm thinking that I'm going to have to come clean with the administration of my school. I don't want the office thinking that I'm a slacker.

I forgot to mention in my last post that I met LifeHopes and her hubby P before Christmas (I'm blaming the omission on trying to post while running out the door!). It was great to meet someone that understands EXACTLY how I feel. I don't talk to many people outside of the bloggosphere about our struggles with IF, so it was great to be able to be so candid about my feelings with someone who understands what I'm going through completely. Btw, LifeHopes, it's -11C/12F and we got more snow last night!

I'm not sure if I'm going to get the chance to check back in before tomorrow (we're heading back to Niagara for New Year's), so Happy New Year to all of you! I really hope that 2009 brings more possibilities, more answers, and hopefully more hope for all of us!

Mwah!

p.s. I start the C.lomid challenge tonight. I promise not to "forget" to take it!

Checking In

It always seems like life is busier during the holidays. I've been trying to catch up on sleep, visit with family and friends, and catch a yoga class or two in between trips to my father-in-law's place which is an hour away.

Christmas was good, although very busy. We started celebrating on the 20th with my dad's side, had my cousins over on the 21st (which involved cooking a 30lb turkey!), we drove to my in-law's on the 23rd, returned on the 25th in the afternoon to be with my family and then we had a function at our church on the 27th. I'm so glad that we created "Pyjamas and movies all day Boxing Day" when we first got married! Every December 26th Mr. JB and I hang out in our pj's and watch movies all day long. It's the first day of every holiday that we do absolutely nothing (although this year we made turkey soup since we had so much leftover bird in our house!). I really hope that one day we will be able to celebrate the holidays at our own house. Since getting married I have not woken up in my own bed in my own house. Perhaps one day....

Aunt Flo showed up a couple of days early -- I'm on day 27 of my cycle and I'm a little bit surprised. I took my last dose of HCG on Christmas Day and based on the previous three months I'm only a day early (I got my period four days after my last shot the other months). My peak day was a little earlier this month as well -- the last day I saw K was on day 15 which is two days earlier than the past two months. Also I had less fewer days of tail end brown bleeding this month (5 days as opposed to 7 last month) and I had five days of actual period. I have no idea if my cycle is improving, but at least I didn't have a 15 day period like two months ago!

Mr. JB and I are heading out to the movies this afternoon since we have no visiting to do today -- woohoo! I also think that we're going to brave the mall so I can exchange some gifts. My brother-in-law is coming over tomorrow and we're going to an awesome outlet mall in the north end of the city where the first B.anana R.epublic outlet opened a couple of months ago. I've been saving my pennies in anticipation!

So Merry Christmas +4 to all of you!

p.s. The photo above is my favourite Christmas ornament. I have a vast collection of snowmen and my hubby gives me a new tree ornament every year. This guy shakes his head when you pull on his mitten!

Starting Christmas Vacation with a Bang

I honestly cannot believe that I made it to Christmas vacation alive, but here I am! In my seven years in an elementary classroom I have never been so tired -- mentally and physically. Perhaps it was the five week-long cold plus the weight of my infertility during the Christmas season, or it may have been the 21 six year-olds I've been trying to corral since September. My guess that it's equal parts of all three.

We spent the weekend having early Christmas celebrations with my family. Saturday night was spent with my dad's side of the family who are absolutely awesome. I've written before about how I feel like an alien with my parents and my mom's side of the family. When I'm with my cousins from the other side I feel like I've come home.

I think a big part of my comfort level is the fact that my older cousin and his wife have gone through IF. Their older daughter came after many, many years of IF treatments and their second daughter was adopted this past summer. I also love it that my aunt never, ever asks about when we're going to have children. She learned her lesson I guess when she watched her own child go through the pain IF. At dinner my cousin R and I were joking around about not having kids and he exclaimed, "No we don't have kids and it's because I have a low sperm count!" His wife gave him the nastiest look, but I couldn't stop laughing! My family doesn't know about our struggles, at least explicitly, and I thought that it was so great that he could be so candid.

The only kick in the gut came when my cousin's wife's sister (did you follow that?) announced that she was expecting. I quickly found an excuse to take one of the kiddies to the basement to play because I couldn't take it. Mr. JB says that my exit was inconspicuous, but I really didn't want to be a part of all the hugging and celebrating when I felt like I had my stomach kicked in.

Last night we had my cousins from my mom's side of the family over for our yearly gift exchange. Mr. JB cooked a 30 pound turkey for the festivities, made stuffing from scratch and I made 10 pounds of mashed potatoes. I was secretly happy that my cousin (who is five years younger than I am and who got "accidentally" got his wife pregnant soon after their wedding) left his baby with the in-laws. My 19 year old cousin who got his girlfriend pregnant brought his 1 year old daughter, but I find older babies easier to deal with than infants. I was also too busy entertaining to have the feel-me-sorries -- having 16 people in a little house is a lot of distraction!

I always think that I can handle my envy and jealousy, but it seems like this year that I'm having a harder time stomaching other people's children. I guess after 3 and 1/2 years of being barren and seeing so many of my friend and family get pregnant with ease has taken it's toll (I found out about two more friends last week, one of which who is in a horrible relationship with her partner and she wasn't really trying apparently).

Argh.
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So I have to thank This Cross I Embrace for giving me my first blog award. This award acknowledges the values that every blogger shows in his/her effort to transmit cultural, ethical, literary and personal values every day.

The rules to follow are :
1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person that has granted the award and his or her blog link.
2) Pass the award to other 15 blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment. Remember to contact each of them to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Like TCIE I don't know if I know 15 blogs to nominate, but I would like to pass on the award to the following:

1) Charlotte at ...and not by sight
2) Pam at Blood Signs
3) Bec at Crazy lady ramblings...
4) Jeremiah 29:11
5) LifeHopes
6) My Reality at Mixing it Up: Trying to Find My New Reality
7) Aurelia at No Matter How Small
8) Shinejil at Sluggish Butterfly
9) Duck at The Big ol' blog of how to build a nest
10) Mrs. X at The Young and the Infertile

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful writing and your journeys through this awful world of IF.

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And lastly, thanks to all that shared their advice on my last post. I finally told Mr. JB about my blog this morning. I'm meeting up with LifeHopes this afternoon and I couldn't figure out a creative way to get out of the house! Besides it was time to tell him. He wasn't angry or upset that I had kept it from him for the past year. I also told him that I don't want him to read my blog and he seems cool with that. I think that he was worried that I was husband-bashing, but I made it very clear that I wasn't.

So I'm off to finish off my Christmas baking. I've made 12 dozen mini-cupcakes and I need to make a few more. It's also almost 1pm and I'm still in my pyjamas.

I love vacation!

A question

I'm running on fumes here folks. I don't think that I've ever been this tired before in my life. I'm almost recovered from my cold, although it's moved into my chest and when I cough it sounds really, really bad. I finally have some energy AND my house is almost all decorated for Christmas. My guest room is full of gifts that are ready to be wrapped, but that will all have to wait until school is out.

My first primary Christmas concert went well. The kiddies were so cute and their parents were absolutely tickled to see their children singing Christmas songs in French. I've discovered that my class absolutely love performing! They break into spontaneous song at the strangest times: while doing seatwork, when they're eating their snacks, when lining up! It's so cute.

I've forgiven myself for "forgetting" to take the C.lomid last week. I think that part of my slip-up was subconsciously not wanting to take it. The other part was because I was pretty pathetically sick. I'm also feeling a bit overwhelmed with all of the medication I have to take. Not only am I taking my asthma and colitis meds, I'm also on on so many supplements AND the low dose naltrexone. I decided to take a break from the B6 until I'm completely recovered and rested. I really hope that I can take it since it seems as though it's helpful for so many women.

So here is my question for all of you: It's been almost a year since I started my blog and Mr. JB doesn't know about it. I'm thinking that I'm going to write a post to him during the holidays to show him what I've been doing all this time on the computer. I don't think that he's going to be upset that I didn't tell him sooner, but I kind of like that I have something all to myself. What would be the best way to tell him? Advice anyone?

I'm off to bed. Only three more sleeps until vacation!

EEEEEKKKK! Help!

This is a question for all of you Creighton Model ladies out there.

I just looked at my prescription for C.lomid that my doctor wrote me and I noticed that it says very clearly "Clomid 50 mg 1/2 po g day Day 3 to 7."

I am currently on day 11 of my cycle and I've had 5 days of tail end brown bleeding (TCIE that's for you!). I'm certain now that I've missed my chance to take C.lomid this month. For some reason I thought that she said something about taking it from Peak +3 to +7, kind of like the HCG shots. Perhaps I wasn't paying close attention since she had just confirmed my suspicions of having endo.

What do I do? Should I still take it even though it's too late? Or do I just wait until next month?

Help!!!!!

Searching out alternatives

I'm the type of girl that will try just about anything once. Not only do I have my own army of medical doctors, I also have a chiropractor, a massage therapist, an osteopathist and now I have a naturopath.

Most of you know of the ongoing saga of my cold. It's been almost three weeks and I haven't felt any better. I realize that I work in one of the germiest situations possible -- 21 six year olds in cold weather makes A LOT of illnesses -- but three weeks is a ridiculous amount of time to be sick. So after spending the entire weekend in bed without any relief I decided to phone up my local naturopath. My RMT recommended the clinic to me and my chiropractor (who I love with all my heart) has been telling me for years that I needed to go to one. I've been hesitant for so long since we get no insurance coverage for naturopathic treatments and it is not cheap at all! I'm looking at this visit as an early Christmas present to myself.

I spent an hour and a half with the doctor and she went over my entire health history. We went over my cold symptoms first then we moved on to my history of asthma, ulcerative colitis and lastly our struggle with infertility. She was incredibly thorough and non-judgmental (I was scared that she would go all, "You shouldn't be taking all that medicine!" to me, but she wasn't). My visit ended with her going over some additional testing that she wants to do to determine allergies and intolerances to food and other environmental factors.

I don't know if seeing a naturopath is going to help us get pregnant, but I'm sure that it's not going to hurt anything. My immune system seems to be shot, so the supplements that she prescribed are going to give me the boost I need to get better. I also know that she's going to help me get my body as healthy as possible to grow my future baby.

I'm off to decorate my Christmas tree. This is the latest I've ever decorated my tree and I'm blaming that on my stupid cold! I promise to post a photo when I'm done!
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p.s. The naturopath told me to cut my dose of B6 in half until I see my doctor. The side effects aren't life threatening so she thinks that it's okay to continue taking it.

Is it B6's fault?

I am once again illicitly posting from my classroom! I'm all alone, don't worry. The kiddies are off at health class.

So I've been feeling pretty crummy for over a month. I had a cold, almost got better then got sick again. I've had all of nasty cold symptoms: runny nose, congestion, cough, headache, and a sore right ear. I don't like to take over the counter medication (really, I'm taking enough drugs already, do I need to add more?), but when I went to the doctor all she said I could do was take T.ylenol C.old. Which I've been doing.

Last night after spending all weekend in bed -- I even missed the big family Christmas party that no one ever misses because I couldn't move. When Mr. JB tried to wake me up from my nap I burst into tears. Pretty pathetic, I know -- I started looking up the side effects to B6. 

I know, stay away from Dr. Google, but this time I was desperate.

This is what I found:

Side effects include: 

- tingling or burning sensation of the fingers or toes -- I don't have this but my hands and feet have been overly sweaty. It's been so bad that Mr. JB says, "Eeew, what's wrong with your hands why are they so clammy?"  

- headache -- I've had headaches on and off with my cold, so I'm not sure if it's because of the B6

- clumsiness -- I don't think I can blame my natural lack of grace on the B6

- drowsiness -- B6 related or cold related? I have no idea, but I know that I have zero energy which is very unlike me

- nausea -- I've been feeling quite pukey every morning, but it goes away after I have breakfast.

So what do you think? Am I reacting to the B6? Going to see my doctor is the last option since she only has walk-in hours and the last time we went to her walk-in hours we waited for almost four hours. 

Is my reaction normal? And do the symptoms go away? I started taking the medication on December 2nd.

Help! 

Btw, I've made an appointment with my local naturapath for tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully she'll have a solution to my ailments. 

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p.s. Parent-Teacher interviews went well. The crazy mother was just as crazy, but my principal sat in as extra support. It all boils down to support from home, if she's not willing to help out her daughter is not going to succeed. We both tried to explain that to her, unfortunately I don't think we got anywhere. How long until June?

Please give me strength

So tonight is parent-teacher interviews. All of the parents are coming, except for my parent from hell.

Yes, the child that never has her homework done, her agenda is never signed, and she is always at the office because of behaviour issues. Her mother was the last parent to send in her conference form and this morning I get a note saying that she can't make it for her allotted time. I even planned into my dinner hour so I could fit her in. 

Argh.

So I told my school secretary about the cancellation and I was informed that the parent from hell has called the principal to complain about her kid's report card. 

Honestly, if I don't do the work with the child nothing gets done. I mean nothing. It's apparently my fault that there is no review or follow-up at home. It's also my fault that the Ministry of Education is making me teach the curriculum. 

Have I mentioned that I teach in an optional program? It was the parents' choice to apply for the class. It was also stated very clearly that parental support is necessary for their child to succeed.

I really hate it that some parents just do their children a disservice and then don't take any responsibility for their actions. 

Sometimes I really wish I could say what I was thinking, but yet again I'm going to have to try to put on a happy face and grin and bear it when she accuses me of being the worst teacher in the world.

Please give me strength. 

I hope that I don't get found out

I just discovered that I can get onto Blogger from my classroom computer. 

I'm sure the internet nanny will discover it soon enough and my access will be banned once again. But in the meantime I feel like I'm being really naughty! 

I don't know how appropriate it would be to be blogging while my class went nuts. Then again, they're nuts even when I'm paying attention! 

Pho

I've been sick with a cold for a month now. Actually, it my second cold in a month and I got sick again when I wasn't even better from the first one -- have you ever heard of that????

This is the worst time of year to get sick. I just finished report cards (they're stuffed in their envelopes, ready to be given out at the end of the day tomorrow), I have parent-teacher interviews this week AND I'm trying to get ready for Christmas. I have zero energy and all I want to do is curl into the fetal position and die, or at least go to sleep and wake up well.

So tonight on our way home I convinced Mr. JB to get Pho for dinner. I was feeling really sorry for myself and I really wanted to eat soup. I don't often crave soup, but whenever I'm really sick it's one of the few things that make me feel better AND a huge bowl is only $5! I definitely think that it's a combination of the steam from the soup and the simple goodness of the broth. Honestly, if you've never had the pleasure of having Pho, you must get yourself to a Vietnamese restaurant ASAP!

I'm feeling the rumblings of Aunt Flo and I'm sure that she'll be here sometime tomorrow. I've got sore boobs, I'm pretty bloated and I'm exhausted (although that may be because of my cold). It will be interesting to see what the next cycle brings me. I've decided that I'm going to take Lifehopes' advice. I'm going to look at my impending surgery as something to hope for, not something to dread.

So there.