12 May 2013

The Worst Day of the Year



One would think that eight years of IF would prepare me for Mothers Day. 

I wished all week that I could fall ill. Injure myself. Find a magical sleeping pill. 

But I woke up feeling fine. 

What does an IF woman who has a dysfunctional relationship with her own mother do? What about her husband's pain when he thinks of his wonderful mother that passed away in 1990. 

This is a painful day. 

There is no doubt about it. 

I'm going to put on a brave face. Drop off the beautiful hanging basket of flowers at my crazy mother's house and I will act like I am not dying inside. 

One day. 

One day all of this will make sense. 

26 comments:

  1. You are brave!!! Sending many prayers your way today :) you are not alone!!!

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  2. Praying for you today JB! It is a tough day.

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  3. Amen sister. Amen. We'll be heading down to the US today for an overnight....shopping. Because what ISN'T fixed by a little retail therapy?? ;)

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  4. My heart hurts for you, friend. I am praying for you.

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  5. Hang in there! I am not sue what you are doing the whole day but my husband had a good idea. He said it was national date night. Maybe you too can make it a date night :)

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  6. You are always in my prayers and today,even more so.

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  7. Praying for that day to come soon! It is SO hard... We just want to take a quick peak at God's playbook. :)

    Oh, how He must look upon us with love (His impatient little ones)... He says simply, "Trust me."

    Dear Lord, we DO trust You! PLEASE increase our trust and grant us the strength to persevere!!

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  8. Yes, my dh remembers his mother in heaven also. I think it's wonderful that you still brought flowers to your mother on this day for afterall...it's a commandment...as hard as it can sometimes be...honor your mother and father. I'm sure that token of love will touch her.

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  9. My prayers are with you.

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  10. Thinking of you and all my IF sisters today!

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  11. Oh I am so SO sorry. Justified pain, hurt, and I hurt with you. I hurt for you. And I pray and love with you and for you. Hugs, and cheers to you and days where the sun on your face is stronger than the pain.

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  12. I'm sorry it has to be so hard. You're in my prayers. Hugs!

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  13. Praying for you & that you can keep strong today!

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  14. You're a good daughter to get your mom flowers. I'm sure she appreciated that. I'm sorry this day brings so much pain. Praying for you extra today.

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  15. Hope it wasn't too bad. Just think, its really just a hallmark holiday.

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  16. Oh hon, I am so sorry! But I am glad that this day is now officially over for you!

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  17. I am sorry the day was rough (an understatement to be sure). Terri from Alive in Hope used to remind her readers to lean on Mary, the Mother of God and be grateful to her on mother's day. I liked that. I hope that helps some...

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  18. I was thinking about you and another blogger yesterday, praying so hard that you would find comfort in some heck of a way. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  19. I sent my mother chocolate because she always passive-aggressively gives away flowers and she actually eats the chocolate. I called her in the afternoon (her time) and asked her to guess why I was calling (she's mentally ill and losing awareness of her surroundings, so I try to do little things to make her exercise her brain. She refuses to play along and usually throws out random stuff). Just like a year ago this time, she said, "You're expecting?" After all, she forgets my birthday every year and never even calls me on Christmas - I call her and get her presents, for everything. So I have to be punished. Of course, she's the one who's mentally ill living in a home pretending she doesn't have a family. I'm living my life. So...nice try.

    All of this would be sadder, but somehow more OK, if I had ever had a loving or supportive relationship with her. Not the case. Sometimes I wonder what that must be like for people who've experienced it.

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  20. Just reading this now...but know that you were in my thoughts yesterday. I wish I had some kind of magic "feel better" phrase for you. Sending big hugs!

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  21. Praying for you. I'm sorry I haven't commented in so long, but I have still been reading and praying, praying, praying every day. I'm sorry that Mother's Day is so hard for you on so many levels. It is a day of mixed emotions for me. I still have memories of Mother's Days past and am always thinking of those still waiting. I hope that next year is a happier one for you.

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  22. Love you and you were on my mind on Sunday. I've been offering up my struggles for you! I promise to get my butt in gear and mail your book soon!

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  23. I prayed for you specifically at mass on Sunday. I remember you mentioning your relationship with your own mother before. That has got to be so tough...big hugs and prayers!

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  24. Not only will it make sense one day... it will be a cause for great, great joy.

    There will be dancing like heaven's never known through all of this suffering, my friend.

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