To Trigger, or Not to Trigger *Updated

Update: I didn't do it. Honestly, sometimes the madness has to stop. I was meditating yesterday and I kept on saying, "Lord, open my heart to your will." I believe His will for me is to surrender (and to not be a zombie using post-Peak meds).

Thank you all for your prayers! I'm hoping there is more peace in surrender since it was hard to find it in doing.

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It's CD15.

Trigger day.

The meds are already ready and waiting.

The needles are too.

I've been feeling so torn about all this TTC business.

We're done all of our homestudy paperwork. And we're waiting for the summer break so we can track down and complete rest of it.

Yes, even after (almost) eight years of IF, the pace was scaring me.

I am so torn about doing the trigger shot tonight.

It's the end of the school year. I'm trying my best to stay at the top of my game.

I feel like a zombie on all the post-Peak medications --progesterone and Estr.ace just kick my butt!

Please say a prayer that I can discern what to do before tonight.

St. Rita, St. Gianna and St. Gerard, pray for us!

p.s. I met A Martha Trying to Be Mary on Tuesday night. She is just as amazing as her blog!

p.p.s. I switched back to sustained release T3 last week and I feel human again. Stupid thyroid meds!

And the suckiness continues...

So, I'm definitely messed up. 

Day two of doubling my thyroid meds is not going well, but it may have to do with what I ate today. I didn't do well with the low GI business today. Yesterday, I ate like a superstar and I felt fantastic. 

Stupid gf carbs. 

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

And I will steer clear of grains. 

[sigh]

I'm feeling particularly grumpy because I had to buy a baby shower present for my cousin's knocked up girlfriend. 

Apparently the trick is to not be married and be uneducated to get pg. 

At least it works in my family. 

Employed, married, financially stable with a nice home? 

Nope, no baby for you. 

Still live with your parents? Have nothing in your bank account? Are completely irresponsible (hence, the knocking up your girlfriend part)? Then have a baby. 

Do I sound bitter? 

I am so grateful that I can't attend. I conveniently have a workshop all weekend, so I don't even have to lie.

I need a good dose of humility. Or perhaps a lobotomy. 

St Rita, pray for us! 

I hate my thyroid

I asked my Napro doc to switch my thyroid meds when I saw her last month. 

I dragged my feet because I had a feeling that switching would be tough. 

And I wasn't wrong. 

A week of headaches. 

Low energy. 

Horrible moods. 

I'm feeling like garbage. 

Could I ask for some prayers? I have a feeling that today isn't going to be a good day. 

I have a feeling that I may be switching back....

I am thankful

I am thankful that on CD1 we celebrated mass for our First Communicants.

I was able to receive Jesus and ask for His help and guidance.

I keep telling myself that one day all of this will make sense. 

And yes, TCIE, one day there will be much dancing in heaven. 

Then all this pain will be worth it.

The Worst Day of the Year

One would think that eight years of IF would prepare me for Mothers Day. 

I wished all week that I could fall ill. Injure myself. Find a magical sleeping pill. 

But I woke up feeling fine. 

What does an IF woman who has a dysfunctional relationship with her own mother do? What about her husband's pain when he thinks of his wonderful mother that passed away in 1990. 

This is a painful day. 

There is no doubt about it. 

I'm going to put on a brave face. Drop off the beautiful hanging basket of flowers at my crazy mother's house and I will act like I am not dying inside. 

One day. 

One day all of this will make sense. 

The tale of the mysterious CM

Oh yes, when one is IF, there is no such thing as TMI.

So I have a pretty predictable body. If you were to look at my Creighton charts you would see the same pattern.

I'm at the end of chart 10, so I am saying this with some authority.

So today, on peak +7, I see some lovely 10KL. Just once, so far.

What????

What is going on?

I've never double peaked.

My exercise regimen hasn't recently changed.

I did had the stomach flu, but I've been better for more than a week.

I did do an HCG trigger on April 28th (nope, no coincidence there!). And peak day was two days later.

What the heck is going on???

(I apologize to those of you that saw this question in the FB IF group!).

Help!